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ACT FIVEn7261
5.1
TRAMPLER and TOUCHWOOD enter.

1009Trampler’Tis as I tell you, Master Touchwood; your son has lost a fair fortune in the young gentlewoman, and, as I conceive, by your wilfulness. Sir Arnold Cautious licks his lips at her, I assure you; and a sweet lick it is, six thousand pound in present portiongg1143.

1010TouchwoodA sweet lick he has indeed if he knew all.

1011TramplerHe does know all, sir.

1012TouchwoodIf he did . . .   [Aside]   I know what I know; good oath let me not lose thy virtue.

1013TramplerHe knows moreover that Master Striker, her grandfather, has covenantedgg4468 to give her two thousand pound more at the birth of his first child lawfully begotten on her body.

1014TouchwoodHa, ha, ha, but what if her first child prove illegitimate?

1015TramplerThat is not to be thought, sir.

1016TouchwoodYes, and spoken too, if I durst;   [Aside]   but good oath let me not lose thy virtue.

1017TramplerAnd then he had entered into ten thousand pound bondgg4855 to leave her his heir if she survive him.

1018TouchwoodBut he’s well recovered you say?

1019TramplerVery lusty, very lively, sir.

1020TouchwoodThen hang him, he’ll never die. I am afeared I must be faingg4856 to give him over. I shall never vex him to death: no, no, I shall never do’t.

1021TramplerNo sir, I heard himself say that your vexing him has been his physicgg4857, and the best means to keep him alive.

1022TouchwoodDid he say so? I’ll tear this match in pieces presently, and see how that will work on him. I’ll do it.   [Aside]   What’s an oath to me in respect of sending him to the devil?   [Aloud]   I’ll do’t.

1023TramplerI would you could, sir, and recover her for your son yet.

1024Touchwood   [Grunting]   Umh.

1025TramplerBecause I love the young gentleman well.

1026Touchwood   [Grunting]   Umh.

1027TramplerThough I assure you the writingsn7266 are all passed, signed, sealed, and delivered; but I have ’em in my hands yet and can do you a pleasure.

1028TouchwoodHumh?

1029TramplerAnd came purposely to advise you, because I love your son.

1030Touchwood   [Grunting, though with increasing interest in what is being said]   Umh –   [Aside]   What a world of villany lies in the jobbernowlgg4402n6616 of a lawyer!

1031TramplerThink of it, sir, and be speedy

1032TouchwoodRight learned in the law, and my son’s friend Master Trampler, Master Ambodextern6728 Trampler, you are a most notorious knave, and you shall hear on’t o’both sides, as you take feesn6617.

1033TramplerNay, and you be so hotgg1757, Master Touchwood, I am gone.[TRAMPLER] Ex[its].

1034TouchwoodI know my course; either I will crack the heartstrings of Striker in crossing this match with the crackedgg4403 credit of his niece, or else I will be friends with him and that will kill him outright. But my oath still troubles me ––   GILBERT and WALTER enter.   Oh, gentlemen, you are welcome.

1035WalterHave you heard, sir, of your son yet?

1036TouchwoodNot I. He lacks no money yet it seems: young travellers make no other use of their fathers.

1037GilbertBut have you heard the news of his young mistress?

1038TouchwoodWhat of Sir Cautious being catched? The wise and wary gentleman, your uncle, that would not believe there could be a marriageable maid though she were justified by a jury of midwivesn6730, and therefore purposed to have died a bachelor? That he should now be catched with a pippedgg4473 nutshell, and a maggot in’tn6731!

1039WalterSure he was strangelygg231 wrought to’t.

1040GilbertAy, you must think there have been knavish heads used in the business.

1041TouchwoodBut I will cross it and their knaveries what e’er they are.

1042WalterI hope you will not cross mine uncle in such a fortune though?

1043TouchwoodWhat, to marry a wench?

1044WalterNo, so much wealth, sir.

1045Touchwood   [Aside]   Pray let me use my christian liberty. My conscience pricks me to’t, it must be done.
SERVANT enters.

   [To SERVANT]   Now what say you, sir?[TOUCHWOOD and the SERVANT] whisper [aside].

1046Gilbert   [Talking aside to WALTER]   We might have spared this labour. He was resolved before we came, it seems, to spoil the marriage.

1047WalterWe could not be too sure though: we are now sure enough that our dissuasionsgg4859 will spur him on the faster.

1048GilbertAnd are we no less sure that Sir Hugh Moneylacks will set his strength to lift Sir Cautious off o’the hooksn7267, in hope of a matter of five pound, though he forfeit the obligation of his throat by’tn6618?

1049WalterAll the danger is that Sir Hugh will be with mine uncle too soon and prevent the match before he be too deep engaged in’t.

1050GilbertFor that my letter of instructions which I have given Annabel shall prevent him; and Striker keeps Sir Cautious in his house so warilygg4860 that until the intended wedding hour Sir Hugh shall not obtain admittance.

1051Touchwood   [Aloud, to SERVANT.]   Go, fetch ’em in and make the warrant:   SERVANT exits.   Ha, ha, ha:   [To GILBERT and WALTER]   Gentlemen, will you hear a complaintgg4861? My man tells me of certain clowns that desire my warrant to apprehend for notorious cheatersn7269. Whom do you think?

1052GilbertI cannot guess.

1053WalterI know none, I hope.

1054TouchwoodEven Sir Hugh Moneylacks, the mourning knightn6619, and some of his associates.
TOM Hoyden and COULTER [enter].

1055GilbertO’my life it is the roaringgg3911 clown about the new-made gentleman his brother!

1056TouchwoodWhat is it you, sir, Master Striker’s nephew, as I take it? You called his great worship uncle latelygg397 as I take it and did your best to roar me out of his house.

1057TomZheart, Coulter, we be vallen into the baker’s ditchn6620.

1058TouchwoodAnd do you bring your complaints to me, sir, ha?

1059CoulterZet a good vace on’t; and vear no colours though.

1060TomI am an honest man and a true man for all that, and I thought you the vittest to make my complaint to because you were the next justice to as pestilent a piece of villainy as ever you were master of in all your life. I come but vor justice and to pay vor what I take, and’t be avorehand here it is, whether it be vor your clerk or yourzelf who makes or meddles with it.   [Offers money to TOUCHWOOD in payment]   Your man has my complaint in writing. Pray, let me have your warrantn6732.

1061TouchwoodYou shall; but first, tell me how came it that you called that Striker uncle?

1062TomVor cause that he is uncle to a vool that I ha’to my brother, and I thought I might be so bold wi’en and he was not against it at virst till you were gone, and then he bade me go zeek better testimonygg2657 and so I went and vound my brother Tim, his own zuster’s zon, I assure ye.

1063TouchwoodHis sister’s son?

1064TomWhere he was made such a Tim as ne’er was heard on in Tauntonn5912 amongst a many cheaters;   [Noticing and gesturing at GILBERT and WALTER]   by mass, here are a couple o’m.

1065CoulterThese were o’the crewgg807.

1066Touchwood   [To GILBERT and WALTER]   How now, my masters?   [To TOM]   Sure fellow thou art mistaken.

1067TomNo, sir, I am not mistaken, I: but I take ’em, I, where I vind ’em, ay. And I charge your justiceship with’em, I, till they bring out my brother, aye.

1068TouchwoodBring out your brother? Why, what has your brother done?

1069TomDone? Nay, they have done and undone him amongst’em. And I think devoured him quick too, vor he is lost and nowhere to be vound.

1070Touchwood   [To GILBERT and WALTER]   Do you know the meaning of any of this, gentlemen?

1071GilbertIf he were your brother, sir, that you found at Sir Hugh Moneylacks’s lodging, you know we left him in your hands.

1072WalterWe stepped in but by chance and such a youth we found there, and there we left him in your and their hands that had the managing of him.

1073TomZo you did, but what then did me the rest but plied me and my man Coulter here with wine and zack, and something in’t I dare be zwore that laid us azleep, when we mistrusted nothing but vair play.   [Falters through emotion and so hands storytelling over to COULTER]n6733   Oh, speak, Coulter, oh.

1074CoulterAnd then when were vast azleep, they all gave us the zlip: the knight was gone, and the squire was gone, and Master Tim was gone; but he was made away, without all peraventure, for all the ’parrelln6621 that he wore was left behind: and then –   [Falters through emotion himself so hands the storytelling over to TOM again]   Speak, master.

1075TomAnd then the master o’the house came home and made a monstrous wonderment for the loss of his wife: he could not vind her, he zed, and zo he vair and vlatly thrust us out o’doors and is gone a hunting after his wife again:   [Falters again in the telling and hands the narrative back to COULTER]   Speak, Coulter.

1076GilbertAlas, poor Brittleware!

1077CoulterAnd then we came for your warrant to vind all these men again.

1078TomAnd to take ’em where we vind ’em and these were zome on’em, when time was, and pray look to’em.

1079Touchwood   [Aside]   I know not what to make o’this; but sure there’s something in’t:   [Aloud]   And for these gentlemen I’ll see them forthcoming.

1080WalterWe thank you, sir.

1081GilbertAnd I undertake Sir Hugh Moneylacks will be at the bride-house.

1082TouchwoodAnd thither will I instantly.

1083Gilbert [and] WalterWe’ll wait upon you, sir.

1084TomAnd I chill make bold to wait upon you till I be better zartifiedn6622.

1085Touchwood   [To TOM]   You shall, come on your way;   [To GILBERT and WALTER]   Come, gentlemen.

1086Gilbert   [Aside to audience]   Well, here is such a knot now to untien6623,
        As would turn Oedipus his brain awry.n6734All exit.
5.2n7439
CURATE and BRITTLEWARE enter.

1087CurateBe appeasedgg4862 and comforted, good Master Brittleware, trouble not your head in running after your fate, nor break your weighty brains in seeking ways after your wife’s heels, which are so light by your own report they cannot crack an egg.

1088 BrittlewareHer credit yet they may, and mine.

1089CurateBesides your wife is your wife where e’er she is, abroad as well as at home; yea, lost, perhaps, as well as found. I am now going to yoke a heifer to a husbandn6624 that perhaps will say so shortly.   Enter TRAMPLER [crossing the stage with purpose].   Whither away Master Trampler?

1090TramplerTo the wedding house: where I think I saw your wife last night, Master Brittleware.

1091BrittlewareDid you, sir, did you?

1092TramplerI cannot say directly; but I think it was she. Does she not call the gentlewoman aunt that keeps Master Striker’s house?

1093BrittlewareYes, Mistress Friswood, she is her aunt, sir.

1094CurateCome go with us and find her.
The Sedann6625 enters [carried by two LITTERMEN], [carrying Tim] HOYDEN in it, in women's clothesn6626.

1095BrittlewarePray, gentleman stay; for I suppose she’s here. Here’s number one and twentyn6627 and this is sure the litter.[BRITTLEWARE tries to look inside
the closed curtain of the sedan coach]

10961 LittermanWhat peep you for? You ought not to do, sir.

1097BrittlewareBy what commission ought you to carry my wife in a close-stoolgg4404 under my nose?

10981 Litterman’Tis a closed chair, by your leave. And I pray forbear, you know not who we carry.

1099BrittlewareI know the clothes she wears, and I will see the party.

1100HoydenI know that voice and let me see the man; it is my surgeon.

1101TramplerA surgeon? I took you for a china shopkeeper, Master Brittleware; these by-tradesn6628 are for some by-purposesn6629 and I smell knavery.

1102CurateAnd lawyers commonly are the best upon that scent.

1103BrittlewareGentlemen, this is a man that lay in my house.

1104HoydenA gentleman you would say or my cost was ill bestowed there.

1105BrittlewareThese are my goods he wears; that was my mother’s gown, and feloniouslygg4405 he wears it.

1106Hoyden’Tis all I have to show for four hundred pound I laid out in your house; and Sir Hugh put it upon me and hired these men to carry me. –   [To the LITTERMEN]   Whither was it?

11072 Littermann6631Up to a lodging in St. Giles’n6630, sir.

1108HoydenWhere he promised to finish his work of a gentleman in me and send me to my uncle.

1109CurateO monstrum horendumn7270! A man in women’s clothes!n6632

1110Trampler’Tis felony by the law.n6633

1111Brittleware   [Aside]   Has Sir Hugh gi’en me the slip to finish his work in private? It shall all out. I am resolved, though I bewraygg923 myself in’t.   [Aloud]   Pray, gentlemen, assist me with this party to Master Justice Striker’s. You say my wife is there?

1112TramplerYes, you shall thither.

1113BrittlewareAnd there I’ll take a coursen7271 you shall smell knavery enough.

1114HoydenI find I am abused enough o’conscience and shall be carried to mine uncle now before my time and not as a gentleman but as a gentlewoman, which grieves me worst of all.

1115Curate Hinc illœ lachrimœn6634, the youth is sure abused indeed.

1116Hoyden   [Begins to weep]   Oh.

1117Trampler   [To HOYDEN]   Come, leave your crying.   [To the LITTERMEN]   And you, beasts, up with your luggagen7272, and along with us. I’ll fetch such drivers as shall set you onn7273 else.

11181 LittermanLet us be paid for our labour and we’ll carry him to Bridewelln11656, if you please.

1119HoydenOh, oh, that ever I was borne in this groaning chairn6635.[All] ex[it, Tim HOYDEN still being carried
in the handlitter or sedan].
5.3n7438
FRISWOOD and REBECCA [enter].

1120FriswoodIt was well I sent for thee, niece, to help me deck the bride here, and that the jealous fool thy husband thinks thou art gone astray the while; it will be a means for thee to take thy liberty another night and pay him home indeedn6636, when he shall not have the power to mistrust thee. It is the common condition of cuckolds to mistrust so much aforehand, that when they are dubbedgs945 indeed, they have not a glimpse of suspicion left.

1121RebeccaTheir hornsn6735 hang i’their light then; but truly, aunt, for mine own part I had rather my husband should be jealous still than be cured in that right kindn6637, though I confess the ends of all my longings and the vexations I have put him to:
        Were but to run jealousy out of breath,n6736
        And make him pant under the frivolous weight
        He bears; that is, a cuckoldgg1331 in conceitn7274;
        Which without doubt he labours with by this time:
        And when he finds me clear, ’twill be as well:
        (I hope) and better than if it were done
        By the broad wayn7275 of foul pollution.

1122FriswoodNay I do not persuade you take the downright way:n6638,
        Nothing against your conscience, niece; I sent
        For him to ha’ come and found you here by chance.
        But he has shut up house and is run mad
        About the Townn259 I hear to all your haunts.

1123RebeccaHe shall come hither and renounce his jealousy,
        And then entreatn7277 me too before I go.

1124FriswoodYes, that’s a wise wife’s partn6639.STRIKER and CAUTIOUS enter.

1125StrikerWhat, is the bride ready?n7278

1126FriswoodYes sir, she’s dressed.

1127RebeccaAnd dressed, and dressed indeed;
        Never was maid so dressed.
           [To CAUTIOUS]   Oh, sir, you are happy,
        The happiest knight, and are now in electionn7279
        Of the most sweet encounter in a bride,
        That e’er your chivalry could couch a lance atn6640.

1128CautiousI thank you, mistress, and I’ll bring her shortly to bestow money wi’ye in china-waresn6641.

1129RebeccaShe is herself the purest piece of porcelainn6642 that e’er had liquid sweetmeats licked out of itn6643.

1130CautiousAnd purer too I hope?

1131Striker   [To FRISWOOD]   Go, call her down.

1132FriswoodShe’s at her private prayers yet, sir, she.

1133StrikerWhen she has done then hasten her away.

1134RebeccaSuch brides do seldom make their grooms their prey.n7281FRISWOOD and REBECCA exit.

1135StrikerDo you now conclude, Sir Arnold, you are happy?

1136CautiousAs man can be being so near a wife.
MONEYLACKS enters.

1137MoneylacksBy your leave, gentlemen.

1138Striker   [Aside]   He come? I fear a mischief.

1139MoneylacksHow comes it, father Striker and son Cautious in electionn6737,
        That you huddle up a match here for my child,
        And I not made acquainted, as unworthy,
        Until the very intended marriage hour?

1140StrikerWho sent you hither? I sent not for you now, sir.
        And there I am wi’ye, sir.

1141MoneylacksTis true, I covenantedgg4468 not to come at you
        Until you sent for me, unless you found
        Young Touchwood had the love of Annabel.
        You have heard he has touched her, has he not?

1142StrikerHold your peace.

1143MoneylacksHas he not made her Touchwood too?

1144StrikerCan you say so?

1145MoneylacksYes, and struck fire too in her tinderboxn6690.

1146StrikerYou will not speak thus.

1147MoneylacksTo you I need not; for you know’t already;
        But to my friend, Sir Cautious, whom I honour,
        And would not see so shipwreckedn7282, I may speak it.

1148StrikerWill you undo your daughter?

1149MoneylacksMy daughter? No, you shall not put her upon me now.
        She is your daughter, sirn6738: if I but call her mine,
        Or suffer her to ask me a baregg4865 blessing,
        You’ll thrust her out. No, you adopted her
        In your own name, and made a Striker of her,
        No more a Moneylacks.

1150Striker   [Aside]   The beggarly knight is desperate,
        And should he out with it, my shame were endless:
        This is the way or none to stop his mouth:
        ’Tis but a money mattern7283.   [To MONEYLACKS]   Stay a little.

1151MoneylacksGo not away, Sir Arnold, I must speak wi’ye.

1152CautiousI am not going, sir.

1153StrikerBe not a madman. Here;   [Hands MONEYLACKS money]   here’s forty piecesgg2873.
        I know you used to strikegg4456 for smaller sums,
        But take it for your silence, and withal
        My constant love and my continual friendship.

1154MoneylacksGive me your hand o’that.   [Shakes hands with STRIKER]   Enough, Sir Arnold.

1155CautiousWhat say you to me, Sir Hugh?

1156Striker   [Aside]   What does he mean, trowgg4252?

1157MoneylacksYou must not have my daughter.

1158CautiousNo, Sir Hugh?

1159MoneylacksUnless you mean to take another’s leavings

1160Striker   [Aside]   Oh, devilish reprobategg3907.

1161CautiousHow mean you that?

1162MoneylacksTill she has buried first another husband,
        And he leave her a widow, I am her father,
        And claim a father’s interest in her choice.
        And I have promised her to one already
        This very day, because I was not privygg4866
        To your proceedings; and have taken here
        This fair assumpsitgg4457 forty piecesgg2873, sir;
        You might admiregg4867 how I should have’em otherwise.

1163Striker   [Aside]   Here's an impudent villain.

1164MoneylacksFor these I give a hundred, if you wed her.

1165CautiousTo show my love unto your daughter, sir, I’ll pay’t.

1166MoneylacksSecurity in handn6691 were good.

1167CautiousPray lend me, sir, a hundred piecesgg2873.

1168Striker   [Aside]   I dare not cross this devil. I must fetch ’em.[STRIKER] ex[its].

1169MoneylacksTwill ne’er the less be my disparagementgg4588.

1170CautiousWhat, when they know her grandfather disposed her,
        That has the care of her and gives her portiongg1143?
        And then he can ha’ but his money, can he?

1171MoneylacksOh, but the wench, the wench, is such a wench:
        Scarce two such married in a diocese,
        In twice two twelve months for right and straight onesn7284.

1172CautiousThere said you well: the straight ones I like well.
        But those that men call right or good ones suffer
        A by-constructionn7285.

1173MoneylacksAmongst the lewd.
STRIKER enters with a purse.

1174StrikerHere, sir.[Hands MONEYLACKS the purse]

1175MoneylacksBut is here weight and number, sir?

1176Striker   [Aside]   Now the fiend stretch theen7286 ――   [To MONEYLACKS]   you may take my word.

1177MoneylacksHere I am wi’ye, sir.
GILBERT, WALTER, TOUCHWOOD, TOM [Hoyden], [and] Samuel (still disguised) enter.

1178Gilbert   [To TOUCHWOOD]   Though you are fully bent to cross the marriage,
        Yet let’s entreat you not to be too sudden.

1179TouchwoodTill they come to the word, for better, for worsen7289,
        I will not touch at itn7288.

1180StrikerHow now, what ’matesn6694 break in upon us here?

1181TouchwoodI come not as a guest, sir, or spectator
        To your great wedding, but o’the king’s affairs.
        In which I must crave your assistance, sir;
        Deny’t me or my entrance if you dare.

1182StrikerIt is some weighty matter sure then.

1183TouchwoodSo it is, sir.
        But not to trouble your sconcegg4170 with too much business,
        At once, pursue your own; we will attend a while.

1184CautiousIn that he has said well. I would the bride
        And priest were come once: I am content they stand
        For witnesses. What, my kind nephew, are you here?
        I thank you for this plot; you see what’tis come to.

1185WalterTis not all finished yet, sir.

1186CautiousBut it may be.
        All in good time: the bride is coming now.
        You and your brother poet are grown friends I see.

1187TouchwoodWhat’s he?

1188GilbertA friend of Wat’s he brought for company.

1189TomHe was amongst’em too at the cheating exercise, and yond’s
        The knight himself; I know’em all, I trowgg4459.

1190TouchwoodAnd you’ll stand to this, that your lost brother
        Was Striker’s sister Audrey’s son?

1191TomI ha’ told you twonty times, and yet, because you zay you’ll stand my vrend, I’ll tell you more. She was with child with Tim bevore my vather married her (she brought him in her belly vrom this town here, where they get children without vear or wit), but vor her money, and’s own credits zake, my vather was well apaid to keep it vor his own; and nobody knew to the contrary, not Tim himzelf to this hour.

1192TouchwoodThen how camst thou to know it?

1193TomMy vather told it me upon his deathbed, and charged me on his blessing never to open my mouth to man, woman, nor child, zo I told nobody but vokesn6695 on’t.

1194TouchwoodWell, hold thy peace. ’Tis an absolute wonder! Now to the wedding.
CURATE, TRAMPLER, ANNABEL [dressed in black and wearing a willow garlandn6696 on her head, and appearing as if several months pregnantn6699], FRISWOOD, [and] REBECCA enter.

1195CautiousHow’s this? My bride in mourning habit and her head in willow?

1196StrikerWhat’s the meaning of it?

1197RebeccaI said she was dressed as never bride was dressed.

1198TouchwoodA solemn show, and suiting well the scene!
        She seems round belliedn6698, and you mark it too.

1199AnnabelMy habit and my dressing suits my fortune.

1200Striker   [To CURATE]   Pray, sir, do your office. Her conceitgg1526, we will know afterward.

1201Curate   [Clearing his throat to speak]   Hem, hem.

1202AnnabelOh, oh.Sinks.

1203FriswoodOh me;   [Rushing to attend to ANNABEL who appears to have fainted to the floor   Why, mistress, look up, look up, I say.

1204RebeccaClap her cheek, rub her nose.

1205FriswoodSprinkle cold water on her face.

1206RebeccaCut her lacen6700, cut her lace, and bow her forward, so, so, so.

1207TouchwoodI’ll lay my life she quickens now with childn6701.

1208AnnabelOh.

1209MoneylacksWhat think you is the matter?

1210CautiousWomen, how is it with her?

1211FriswoodSir, as with other women in her case.

1212CautiousHow’s that, I pray you?

1213RebeccaTwill out,’twill out.
           [To CAUTIOUS]   You have been doing something aforehand, sir.n6703

1214CautiousHave I?

1215RebeccaIt seems so by the story.

1216CautiousIs she so dressed?

1217Touchwood   [Laughing]   Ha, ha, ha.

1218Friswood   [To TOUCHWOOD]   You may leave laughing, it was your son that did it.

1219StrikerI am undone, my house disgraced for ever.

1220TouchwoodHe knew’t beforehand, now I may declare’t.
           [To STRIKER]   Speak o’thy conscience, didst not?

1221StrikerOh, my heart.

1222TouchwoodOh, the hangman.

1223CautiousDeceit becomes not dying men you know!n6704
        Into a whirlpool of confusion
        Sink thou and all thy family, accursed miser.

1224TouchwoodThis was a sure way now, Sir Cautious,
        To marry a maid. There’s one i’the mother’s belly.

1225Striker   [Breaking into a coughing fit]   Uh, uh, uh, uh.

1226CautiousYou knew not where I could be so well fitted?

1227Striker   [Continuing to cough]   Uh, uh, uh.

1228CautiousA rot o’your dissembling entrails, spit ’em out. You durst not strain yourself to wind your whistle, your doctor told you it would spend your spirits, so made me whistle for her.n7290

1229Striker   [Continuing to cough]   Uh, uh, uh.

1230TouchwoodCheer up, cheer up, I may be friends wi’ye now.
        Here’s one has cause and knows the way to vex ye.
        To preserve life in you as well as I.

1231StrikerA hem, a hem, I will outlive you both:
        This day’s vexation is enough for a lifetime.

1232CautiousAnd may it last thee to thy live’s last hour.

1233TouchwoodNow let me talk wi’ye and come you hither, sir.   [TOUCHWOOD and STRIKER step aside to converse in private]   

1234TramplerI tell you true, your writings are so passed, that if you go
        Not off by compositionn6706, you’ll shake your whole estate.

1235Cautious   [To WALTER]   Come hither, nephew.
        I’ll give thee a thousand pound and take her off me.

1236WalterI cannot with my reputation now:
        But I will do my best to work a friend to’t.

1237CautiousPrithee do: try thy poetical soldier.

1238Moneylacks   [Aside]   That clown come hither too?: I fear I am trapped.

1239Touchwood’Tis all as I have told you, and without question,
        The man in question is your sister’s son.

1240StrikerWould it might prove so, that I had yet a nephew,
        For now my niece is lost.

1241TouchwoodHere’s one shall find him out or stretch a neck for’tn6705.
        Sir Hugh, you are charged for making of a gentleman.

1242Moneylacks   [Aside]   Now I am in.

1243Touchwood And more then do for making him awayn7291.

1244MoneylacksWhat gentleman?

1245TomMarry, my brother Tim.

1246TouchwoodYour patience yet awhile: now gentlemen all,
        Sir Cautious and the rest, pray hear a story:
        I have been often urged to yield the causen7292
        Of the long quarrel ’twixt this man and me:
        Thirty years growth it has, he never durst
        Reveal the reason; I, being sullengg2639, would not.

1247StrikerYou will not tell it now?

1248TouchwoodIndeed, I will:n6739
        He had a sister (peace to her memory)
        That in my youth I loved, she me so much,
        That we concluded we were man and wife;
        And dreadless of all marriage letsgg339, we did
        Anticipate the pleasures of the bed.
        Nay it shall out; briefly, she proved with child:
        This covetous man then greedy of her portiongg1143,
        (Of which for the most part he was possesed)
        Forces her with her shame to leave his house.
        She makes her moan to me, I then (which since
        I have with tears a thousand times repented)
        Against my heart stood offn7293, in hope to win
        Her dowry from him. When she, gentle soul,
        Whom I must now bewail, when she, I say,
        Not knowing my reserved intent, from him and me,
        From friends, and all the world, for ought we knew,
        Suddenly slipped away. After five years
        I took another wife, by whom I had
        The son that has done that the woman says:
        But where I left, if this man’s tale be true,
        She had a son whom I demand of you.

1249TomI shall have a kind of an uncle of you anon.
        And you prove Tim’s vather.

1250TramplerThe young gentleman that Sir Hugh had in handlingn6708 is in the house, and Master Brittleware with him.

1251CurateOnly we kept ’em back, till our more serious office were ended.

1252TouchwoodPray em in, let’s see him.TRAMPLER exits.

1253GilbertSir, will it please you first to see a match quickly clapped upn7294? This gentleman, whom I know every way deserving, were your niece now in her prime of Fortune and of Virtue, desires to have her, and she him as much.

1254TouchwoodHe shall not have her.

1255StrikerHow can you say so?

1256Walter   [Aside]   He knows his son, I fear.

1257TouchwoodMy son shall make his fault good and restore her honour to her if he lives. In meedgs968 for your fair sister’s wrong and my misdeed, my son shall marry her; provided he take her in his conscience unstained by any other man.

1258StrikerOn that condition, I’ll give her all the worldly good I have.

1259Samuel [and] Annabel   [SAMUEL removes his disguise and reveals his true identity]n7295   We take you at your word.

1260TouchwoodMy son!

1261SamuelI take her not with all faults, but without any least blemish.

1262Annabel   [She removes a cushion from beneath her clothes]   My supposed stain thus I cast from me.

1263Tom   [Picking up the discarded cushion]n7296   Znailsn7297, a cushion! How warm her belly has made it.

1264AnnabelAnd that all was but a plot ’twixt him and me and these gentlemen.   [Hands a letter to STRIKER]   This paper may resolve you.

1265SamuelTis mine own hand, by which I instructed her by a dissembled way to wound her honour.

1266AnnabelWhich, to preserve my love, again I’d do,
        Hoping that you forgive it in me too.

1267CautiousNow am I cheated both ways.

1268WalterThe plot is finished: now thanks for your thousand pound, sir.

1269Touchwood   [Embracing ANNABEL]   You are mine own; welcome into my bosom.
Tim HOYDEN [still dressed in women’s clothes], TRAMPLER, [and] BRITTLEWARE enter.

1270TomWhoop, who comes here? My brother Tim dressed like Master mayor’s wife of Taunton Deann6710.

1271HoydenTis all I could get to scape with out of the cozening house; and all I have to show of four hundred pound, but this certificate and this small jewel which my dying mother ga’me; and I had much ado to hide it from the cheaters to bring unto mine uncle.   [Looking around the assembled gathering]   Which is he?

1272Striker Let’s see your token, sir.[Taking the jewel from Tim HOYDEN
and showing it to TOUCHWOOD]

1273TouchwoodThis is a jewel that I gave my Audrey.

1274HoydenThat was my mother.

1275Tom   [Pointing to TOUCHWOOD]   And that’s your vather, he zays.

1276HoydenAnd a gentleman? What a devilish deal of money might I ha’ saved! For, gentlemen, let me tell you, I have been cozened black and blue; back-gulledn6711gg4464 and belly-gulledgg4464; and have nothing left me but a little bare compliment to live upon, as I am a clear gentleman.

1277StrikerWill you bestow some of it upon me?

1278HoydenUncle, you shall. First I’ll give you a hit at single rapier complimentn6712: and then a wipe or two with the backsword complimentn6713 and I ha’ done.

1279StrikerPray begin.

1280HoydenNoble Master Striker the grave magistrate (if my apprehensiongg3131 deal fairly with me) whose praises reach to heaven for the fair distribution of equal justice: the poor man’s sanctuary, the rightergg4465 of widows and the orphans’ wrongs.

1281StrikerEnough, enough, you have said very well.

1282Hoyden   [Turning to address TOUCHWOOD instead]   Note you yond justice sits upon the bench?

1283TouchwoodYes, I do note him.

1284HoydenThe stocks were fitter for him: the most corrupted fellow about the suburbs, his conscience is stewedgg4466 in bribes, all his poor neighbours curse him. ’Tis thought he keeps a whore now at threescore.

1285TouchwoodA very western soothsayergg4586, thou art mine own.

1286HoydenHis niece is much suspectedn7298.

1287TouchwoodNay, there you went too far; this is his niece and my daughter now.

1288HoydenI know no niece he has, I speak but backswordgg4265 compliment.

1289StrikerYou put me well in mind though. Here's one that, ere the parson and we part, I’ll make an honest woman.Takes FRISWOOD [by the hand]

1290TouchwoodAnd for your part, Sir Hugh, you shall make satisfaction and bring in your confederatesgg2715.

1291HoydenHere’s one that came to complain of me for my robes here, but I ha’ lost my small acquaintancen6715.

1292MoneylacksI’ll answer for him, too, and give you all the satisfaction that I can.

1293TouchwoodWhat you cannot shall be remittedgg3486, we have all our faults.

1294Brittleware   [To REBECCA]   And have I found thee, Beck, in so good company?

1295RebeccaAy, Jack, be you jealous no more, and I will long no more to vex thee.

1296FriswoodLive lovingly and honestly I charge you, or come not at me when I am married.

1297TouchwoodThis yonkergg4467 I’ll take care for,
        And make him a new gentleman by new breeding,
        Without the diet, bathing, purge, or bleeding.

1298HoydenSweet sir, I thank you.

1299TomI’ll home again then and make Tauntonn5912 ring on’t.n6716

1300StrikerOur quarrel in this piece of folly ends.

1301TouchwoodHe parted us and he has made us friends.

1302CautiousNephew and gentlemen, I am friends with all.
        You had your plot upon me; I had mine.

1303StrikerLet’s in and end all differences in wine.

The Epilogue


1304Epiloguen6719At first we made no boast, and still we fear,
        We have not answered expectation here,
        Yet give us leave to hope, as hope to live,
        That you will grace, as well as justice give.
        We do not dare your judgements now: for we
        Know lookers on more than the gamestersgg409 see;
        And what e’er poets write we act or say,
        ’Tis only in your hands to crown a playn6717.

Edited by Julie Sanders


n7261   ACT FIVE Scene One: The act opens in Touchwood's residence. Touchwood is in conversation with his lawyer, Ambodexter Trampler. Trampler has brought news of Cautious's intended marriage to Annabel. Striker is, it seems, much recovered from his bout of ill health, cheered by his daughter's fine marriage prospects. Touchwood is suitably disappointed at this news, having hoped that his arch-rival was at death's door. Gilbert and Walter now arrive with news of Annabel's marriage to find that they have been beaten to it by Trampler. They are hoping to spur Touchwood on to try and ruin this match but find they needn't have worried since he is already determined to do so. (Their plot relies on the marriage foundering and Samuel being able to marry Annabel after all). Touchwood, like Striker, is a Justice of the Peace and it is on these grounds that Tom Hoyden now comes to his residence seeking a warrant (another of the paper documents in this play) to arrest the gang of charlatans who have deceived his brother (i.e. Moneylacks, Brittleware and Spring). Gilbert and Touchwood recognize Tom from Striker's house. Tom explains that he hopes to be able to buy Touchwood's services in this matter. In this way Brome introduces a well-worn theme in his play of corrupt J.P.s who accept bribes and enact their duties according to vested interests (Sir Paul Squelch in The Northern Lass is an early example from 1629 and Brome was still experimenting with this stereotype in 1641 with Justice Clack in A Jovial Crew). More detail is filled in for the audience about what happened after 'we' left the Striker residence at the end of the fourth act. According to Tom, Moneylacks and Spring plied him and Coulter with wine and sack until they fell asleep. At which point the gang absconded taking with them Tim's clothes. There is a brilliant little sequence here when Tom and Coulter, seemingly overcome by emotion at the telling of the tale, share this narrative, a veritable comic double act in action, each ending the other's lines. We also learn that Brittleware is distraught over the loss of his wife and has been searching all over London for her (yet another example of the resonant offstage geographies of Brome's plays). His separation from his companions in crime will be key to understanding developments in the following scene. [go to text]

gg1143   portion dowry (monies, goods or lands brought by the wife to augment her husband’s estate on their marriage) [go to text]

gg4468   covenanted agreed legally [go to text]

gg4855   bond legal agreement or covenant [go to text]

gg4856   fain (adj) willing, pleased [go to text]

gg4857   physic (n) medicine [go to text]

n7266   writings i.e. legal documents pertaining to the marriage. [go to text]

n6616   jobbernowl jobber noule (Q) [go to text]

gg4402   jobbernowl head, often of a foolish person (OED notes that this is regional and rare) [go to text]

n6728   Ambodexter Trampler's forename reflects the comment that follows that as a lawyer he seems happy to work on both sides and accept money from all sides. The amorality of lawyers was a commonplace theme in early modern drama, but considering the number of lawyers that were regularly in theatre audiences it was a kind of consensual comedy rather than a biting satire. [go to text]

n6617   as you take fees i.e. as you take fees from both sides. The idea of the amoral lawyer is also embedded in Trampler's forename - Ambodexter (i.e. ambidextrous or dealing with both hands). [go to text]

gg1757   hot eager (for), ardent (for) [go to text]

gg4403   cracked damaged (OED v. 4; figurative) [go to text]

n6730   justified by a jury of midwives It was not unusual for the virginity of prospective brides to be tested by midwives via painful and humiliating internal investigations. Demands for such medical examinations formed part of the infamous trial of Lady Frances Howard in the 1610s (see Lindley, 1993). [go to text]

gg4473   pipped description of a nutshell containing no kernel (OED adj, 1) [go to text]

n6731   nutshell, and a maggot in’t The reference to the nutshell is to Annabel (previously described as 'pipped' or lacking a kernel, that is not a virgin) and the maggot to her pregnancy. Again Brome is keen to explore attitudes to female sexuality and the body in quite graphic terms here. [go to text]

gg231   strangely very greatly (OED adv. 4); surprisingly, oddly, wondrously, unaccountably (OED adv. 5); (compare Jonson, Volpone, in which Peregrine, when asked how he likes the mountebank, replies, ‘Most strangely’) [go to text]

gg4859   dissuasions actions of dissuading someone from a course of action [go to text]

n7267   to lift Sir Cautious off o’the hooks i.e. persuade him against the marriage. The image appears to be from butchery, where meat was hung on tenter hooks and the oddness of this as a description of marriage prospects may be all too deliberate. [go to text]

n6618   though he forfeit the obligation of his throat by’t That is: though he risk punishment by law for it. [go to text]

gg4860   warily in a cautious or wary manner [go to text]

gg4861   complaint legal statement of grievance [go to text]

n7269   that desire my warrant to apprehend for notorious cheaters i.e. that I ought to demand a warrant for them to be arrested as notorious cheaters. [go to text]

n6619   the mourning knight Striker made reference to the fact that people referred to Moneylacks by this name in the first act. The implication is that he is still wearing the mourning attire he bought when his wife died because he cannot afford replacement items. [go to text]

gg3911   roaring (a) noisy, riotous [go to text]

gg397   lately recently [go to text]

n6620   vallen into the baker’s ditch With the sense of falling into greater difficulty. Presumably proverbial, but no record can be found of this saying at present. [go to text]

n6732   let me have your warrant It is worth noting how pervaded this scene and the play in general is by particular kinds of paper documents - warrants, licences, legal covenants, letters, ceritifcates of identity. Both the legal framework for, and the inherent vulnerability of, identity is thereby raised by the play. [go to text]

gg2657   testimony assurance [go to text]

n5912   Taunton Village in Somerset. [go to text]

gg807   crew 'crew' could be neutral, meaning a gathering or group, but here the pejorative meaning is clear: 'a number of persons classed together (by the speaker) from actual connexion or common characteristics; often with derogatory qualification or connotation; lot, set, gang, mob, herd' (OED n1. 4) [go to text]

n6733   [Falters through emotion and so hands storytelling over to COULTER] There is particular fun to be had in this scene in the way that Tom Hoyden and Coulter function as a comic double-act in the telling of their story - each handing over to the other when the emotion becomes too much. Timing and delivery are key to the success of this section of the scene. [go to text]

n6621   ’parrell i.e. apparel, clothing. [go to text]

n6622   zartified That is: satisfied (dialect form). [go to text]

n6623   here is such a knot now to untie Gilbert's rhyming couplet delivered at the end of the scene is a direct echo of Viola's address to the audience in Twelfth Night 'It is too hard a knot for me t'untie' (2.2.41). [go to text]

n6734   As would turn Oedipus his brain awry. In one part of Oedipus's story in classical literature he tells of solving the sphinx's riddle (the cause of his hubris). This appears to be Gilbert's direct reference here, but there may also be a more embedded reference to the fact this protagonist of Greek tragic drama suffered various twists and turns to his own sense of family and family identity, discovering that he was sexually involved with his own mother and that he had slain his father. The tragic import is, of course, deliberately overwrought in the context of Brome's knowing city comedy. [go to text]

n7439   5.2 Scene Two: This appears to take place in a street and we open the scene with the Curate and Brittleware onstage. The curate is attempting to comfort Brittleware over his missing wife, though in the process he offers a less than positive view of womanhood and marriage. They meet Trampler who is now heading to Striker's residence where the wedding is due to take place (presumably carrying the legal documentation for signing, which he referred to in the previous scene with Touchwood). He reveals that Rebecca is also at Striker's house having stayed the night there with her aunt, Friswood (this is the first mention of that particular relationship in the play). While The Sparagus Garden is at many points a play that keeps its audience ahead of or informed of the action, in this instance it has chosen to remain oblique on the extent to which Rebecca has been performing her 'cravings' all along. Only here in this fifth act do we start to understand that she may have been continually testing her jealous husband. Suddenly the scene is interrupted by the arrival of a sedan chair carried by two London littermen. In it there appears to be seated a woman and Brittleware assumes it must be his wife, since this sedan chair has the number 21 on its cloth covering which was the figure he was given by Sam to identify the sedan in which Rebecca was escaping in Act 4. When the 'woman' speeaks from inside the sedan chair, however, we hear Tim Hoyden's voice, not Rebecca's. He is then revealed dressed in women's clothing (clothes belonging to Brittleware's mother in fact). Brittleware in this moment feels utterly betrayed by his co-conspirators who have absconded without him and he decides to reveal all that he knows about the scam even though he risks punishment in the process. They all head to Striker's house, including poor Tim still in his female costume and still carried in his sedan chair. [go to text]

gg4862   appeased pacified, quieted, satisfied [go to text]

n6624   I am now going to yoke a heifer to a husband Not exactly the most romantic view of marriage is propounded by the Curate here. [go to text]

n6625   The Sedan Now the sedan chairs which have been a focus of discussion throughout the play as a new money-making phenomenon and means of domestic transport make their entrance onto the stage as a literal property. [go to text]

n6626   HOYDEN in it, in women's clothes Brome saves the ultimate humiliation of poor Tim Hoyden to the last in this scene where he has been forced to dress in clothes belonging to Brittleware's mother since all his have been stolen. Brome made less play of the comic possibililty of cross-dressing than some of his contemporaries, though here he may have been influenced by the success of cross-dressing scenes in James Shirley's The Bird in a Cage just a year or so earlier. [go to text]

n6627   Here’s number one and twenty In the previous act, Brittleware had been informed that his wife had escaped in a hand-litter or sedan with the number 21 on it. [go to text]

gg4404   close-stool a toilet or chamber pot enclosed in a box [go to text]

n6628   by-trades i.e. side occupations [go to text]

n6629   are for some by-purposes i.e. are used by some to hide or mask more nefarious activities. [go to text]

gg4405   feloniously in a felonious or criminal manner [go to text]

n6631   2 Litterman Lite-man (Q). The Littermen do not appear in the 'Persons of the Play' as originally listed in the quarto and no distinction is made between them in the speech prefixes in the original printing of the scene, but I have chosen to give them both speaking lines in the distribution here. [go to text]

n6630   St. Giles’ St, Giles's was a prosperous London parish to the north of Covent Garden. Hoyden would have understood this part of London to be entirely suitable for a gentleman to be carried in a sedan (even one dressed in women's clothes!). [go to text]

n7270   monstrum horendum Horrid monster (Latin). [go to text]

n6632   A man in women’s clothes! Brome is playing on contemporary opposition to commerical Caroline theatre by religious fundamentalists on the grounds that the cross-dressing of boy actors to play the parts of women was particularly sinful. [go to text]

n6633   ’Tis felony by the law. There were complex sumptuary laws that controlled the way that people were allowed to dress at this time. See Peter Stallybrass and Ann Rosalind Jones Renaissance Clothing and the Materials of Memory (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 2000). [go to text]

gg923   bewray betray, reveal [go to text]

n7271   I’ll take a course I'll take a course of action. [go to text]

n6634   Hinc illœ lachrimœ Hence those tears (Latin). [go to text]

n7272   And you, beasts, up with your luggage Hoyden's reductive reference to the littermen as beasts here is presumably all part of what he considers it to be to be a gentleman, i.e. he is deliberately scornful of those he perceives to be social inferiors. There is also an in-joke in the fact that sedan chair carriers and coach drivers were often described in contemporary pamphlets such as John Taylor's 'The World Runs on Wheels' (1632) as beasts of burden. For parallel discussions see Act 4 of The Antipodes. [go to text]

n7273   set you on That is: make you go on (in your journey), (presumably by whipping). Tim again reduces the littermen to the level of domestic animals here subject to the whip of the human master. [go to text]

n11656   Bridewell A former palace on the west side of the Fleet Ditch near the River Thames, originally bequested by Edward IV as a workhouse for the poor, it was by the Caroline period a prison for women and with a particular association with punishment relating to sex crimes and prostitution. [go to text]

n6635   borne in this groaning chair With a pun on 'born in this groaning chair' since chairs could also be birthing stools in early modern parlance. Jonson's midwife character in The Magnetic Lady (1632) is called Mother Chair for this reason. This entire act enjoys lots of references and punning allusions to the act of childbirth in its unravelling of the mystery of Tim's paternity. [go to text]

n7438   5.3 Scene Three: We are now at Striker's residence and initially in all-female company (a rare thing in this play). Friswood and her niece Rebecca Brittleware have apparently been dressing Annabel for her wedding to Cautious. It seems from the nature of the exchange between this pair that Friswood is now fully in the know about the trick Rebecca has played to test and indeed reform her jealous husband - 'to pay him home' as Friswood puts it. Cautious enters with Striker and the women praise his choice of wife with some fairly dubious sexual double entendres. Friswood and Rebecca go offstage to fetch the bride to be and Striker and cautious are chatting when Moneylacks appears. He claims to be furious that his daughter's marriage has been arranged without any reference to him. Out of spite (and hope of remuneration) he threatens to reveal to Cautious the rumours that she has slept with Sam Touchwood. Once again Moneylacks seems all too willing to use his daughter as the pawn in his financial gameplaying and Striker notes this fact. Striker attempts to silence him by paying him off, but Moneylacks then claims to Cautious that he had agreed to wed his daughter to someone else but, provided Cautious pays him, he should be able to break the contract. He therefore makes money from all present (all of it Striker's since Cautious does not have the cash on him). The physical presence of coins and purses on the stage is a reminder of the monetary transactions that have been at the heart of this play from the start, from dowries and marriage deals through to the embezzlement of Tim's fortune. Gilbert, Walter, Sam (still as Bounce), Tom Hoyden, and Touchwood now enter and Touchwood seems hell-bent on stopping the marriage of Cautious to Annabel. Tom stresses that he knows Tim is Audrey Striker's child because she left him an identifying jewel on her deathbed. (This all-important prop will appear onstage later in the scene). At this moment, the others return with the bride to be. Annabel is a veritable 'anti-bride' dressed in funereal black with a willow garland on her head (usually an emblem of mourning or unrequited love) and seemingly heavily pregnant. As Rebecca notes wryly: 'I said she was dressed as never bride was dressed'. Cautious is shocked and appalled at his marriage prospects. To make matters worse, Annabel starts to faint and seems to be entering into childbirth. Rebecca and Friswood attend to her and at this point Cautious seeks desperately to get out of the match. Touchwood compounds things by stating that Striker has known about this pregnancy all along and was directly deceiving Cautious. Cautious offers a thousand pound to his nephew Walter if he will marry her instead. Walter says he cannot for fear he damage his own reputation but he knows a man who can - step forward 'Bounce' (Sam in disguise). Touchwood now reveals that Tim is really Striker's nephew. Moneylacks is charged by law for the scams he has been practising but the denouement of the whole play is stalled while Touchwood offers an inset narrative of his own past for the audience's consideration. He finally explains the root cause of the thirty-year quarrel between Striker and himself. He loved Striker's sister Audrey but got her pregnant prior to marriage. Thinking he could secure her dowry in some way he feigned to reject her but in doing so lost her completely (he never explained his plan to her, so fond of secrets is he, as we have seen). She ran away and after five years he married someone else. He now realises that Tim was the product of that relationship and his long-lost son. Tim is in the house too but we learn that the curate hid him away until after the wedding. Gilbert now asks if a quick wedding might be carried out between Bounce and Annabel. Touchwood refuses saying he will now insist that his son Sam marry Annabel and make up for both his own and his father's past wrongdoings. This permission finally granted, Sam reveals his true identity in a classic stage 'reveal' but so does Annabel. Casting the cushion out from under her clothing, the stage prop she has deployed to feign her pregnancy, she reveals herself to be the virginal bride that Cautious had yearned for all along. As it is, he has lost his marriage prospects and a great deal of money into the bargain. Tim is now ushered onto the stage still in his female attire. His brother caustically remarks that he resembles the mayor's wife from their village in Somerset! The certificate and jewel are produced and confirm all the claims to identity that have been made on Tim's behalf. In a strange renactment of the earlier events of Act 4 Tim now practices his 'verbal fencing' skills displaying the 'backsword compliment' of a city gentleman to his newfound father, Touchwood - only he makes the mistake of insulting Annabel and Touchwood is not best pleased. In the chaos of the scene a redeemed and chastened Striker also makes amends for the previous thirty years and proposes to Friswood (this match between master and housekeeper is a repeat of the relationship and fifth act union between Sir Paul Squelch and Mistress Trainwell in The Northern Lass). Sir Hugh is to be punished and will have to pay back the money he got under false pretences. Finally in this scene that other warring couple, the Brittlewares, are reunited. Rebecca promises to vex John no longer if he will stop being so jealous. We never hear his reply but might assume in the comic context that he assents. Touchwood says he will now make Tim a proper 'new gentleman' without any of Moneylacks's 'diet, bathing, purging or bleeding'. Tom will head home to Taunton to have the village bells rung in celebration of Tim's finding his real identity and his long-lost father. (It is worth noting that Coulter, such an enjoyable character in previous scenes is not brought back onto the stage in this final act - this kind of oversight is not uncommon in Brome's dramaturgy.) Striker and Touchwood are reconciled and Cautious agrees a truce with Walter as well. In a requisite happy ending, Striker suggests they 'end all differences in wine'. [go to text]

n6636   pay him home indeed i.e pay him back for his poor behaviour. [go to text]

gs945   dubbed usually 'given the title of knight', but here with the specific meaning of being given the title of cuckold [go to text]

n6735   horns i.e. the horns of cukolded husbands. [go to text]

n6637   in that right kind i.e. by genuinely cuckolding him. It becomes clear in this scene that Rebecca has never intended to betray her husband, merely to train him out of his extreme jealousy and that her cravings and 'desires' have all been part of a carefully staged performance on her part. [go to text]

n6736   Were but to run jealousy out of breath, The sudden reversion to verse here may seem nonsensical and I did ponder whether converting this to prose was the simple editorial option. However these lines do consciously scan and may be an indication that Rebecca goes into a slightly more selfconscious and poetical mode of delivery at this point. A similar move from prose to verse also takes place in Friswood's following speech. [go to text]

gg1331   cuckold man with an unfaithful wife, traditionally thought of as having horns on his head [go to text]

n7274   in conceit i.e. in his imagination. [go to text]

n7275   broad way The road to hell and damnation was proverbially held to be a broad one. [go to text]

n6638   I do not persuade you take the downright way: I do not intend you to actually cuckold your husband. [go to text]

n259   Town The Caroline period is largely recognised as the time when that area of London identified by the term 'town' came in to existence, focused as it was in particular in those areas to the west of the old city walls, which connected the City of London to Westminster, and with its focal point in the Strand. See Brett-James (1935). [go to text]

n7277   entreat i.e. make reparations to me (intriguingly Martha's husband the gardener describes his pacifying approaches to her in the same terms at the start of Act 3 of this play). [go to text]

n6639   that’s a wise wife’s part This fifth act is highly metatheatrical with several references to role-play, props and play-acting. [go to text]

n7278   What, is the bride ready? Striker makes this assumption since Friswood and Rebecca have obviously departed from the dressing room where they were assisting Annabel in her bridal preparations. [go to text]

n7279   in election i.e. the formal choice. [go to text]

n6640   couch a lance at Ostensibly this is an image continuing the reference to Sir Arnold Cautious as a chivalrous knight though in the context of a wedding there is a bawdy undertow to Rebecca's conceit. [go to text]

n6641   I’ll bring her shortly to bestow money wi’ye in china-wares That is: he promises to bring his new bride to the Brittlewares' china-shop to buy their goods. [go to text]

n6642   porcelain purslane (Q). Emended here to avoid confusion with the salad leaf of the same name. [go to text]

n6643   that e’er had liquid sweetmeats licked out of it More barely concealed bawdy. Rebecca is queen of the double entendre in this play. [go to text]

n7281   Such brides do seldom make their grooms their prey. This is a reference to Annabel as a sexually voracious bride, presumably as evidenced by her pregnancy. Usually though, Rebecca notes, their attentions tend to be fixed outside their marriage. Throughout this scene Rebecca has been dropping hints about the sexuality of the bride which Cautious is oblivious to. [go to text]

n6737   in election i.e. in waiting - Cautious is the son of choice but not yet married to Striker's granddaughter/adopted daughter Annabel so only 'in election'. [go to text]

gg4468   covenanted agreed legally [go to text]

n6690   struck fire too in her tinderbox A sexual double-entendre that plays on the family name of Touchwood. [go to text]

n7282   would not see so shipwrecked i.e would not see so humiliated in a bad marriage. The shipwreck idea is used metaphorically but the social impact of marrying a woman who was deemed to have slept with other men beforehand in this period should not be underestimated. [go to text]

n6738   She is your daughter, sir Monleylacks directly echoes Striker's own words to him early in the play. Throughout this act characters like Cautious and Moneylacks deliberately repeat Striker's own words back to him. [go to text]

gg4865   bare unconcealed [go to text]

n7283   but a money matter Like so much else in this play. [go to text]

gg2873   pieces coin, usually gold, and at this date the equal of twenty-two shillings (the spending worth in today's currency would be £94.38p.) [go to text]

gg4456   strike make your way (OED v.) [go to text]

gg4252   trow I wonder [go to text]

gg3907   reprobate someone rejected by God or lost in sin (OED n. 1); ‘an abandoned or unprincipled person’ (OED n. 2) [go to text]

gg4866   privy party [go to text]

gg4457   assumpsit a taking upon oneself, an undertaking [go to text]

gg2873   pieces coin, usually gold, and at this date the equal of twenty-two shillings (the spending worth in today's currency would be £94.38p.) [go to text]

gg4867   admire see [go to text]

n6691   Security in hand i.e. cash in hand. [go to text]

gg2873   pieces coin, usually gold, and at this date the equal of twenty-two shillings (the spending worth in today's currency would be £94.38p.) [go to text]

gg4588   disparagement dishonour, disgrace, discredit [go to text]

gg1143   portion dowry (monies, goods or lands brought by the wife to augment her husband’s estate on their marriage) [go to text]

n7284   for right and straight ones i.e. for pure reasons of love. The curate's cynical view of marriage in his diocese should not go unnoticed here. [go to text]

n7285   A by-construction An alternative meaning. Cautious echoes the curate's generally cynical view of marriage, though by extension he appears to blame the female part. How fitting then that his come-uppance will be through finding a good wife rather than an unreliable one. [go to text]

n7286   Now the fiend stretch thee i.e. may the devil punish you by stretching you on the rack - one of the innumerable punishments said to befall sinners in hell. [go to text]

n7289   for better, for worse An interesting echo of the wedding vows in view of the context of this scene. [go to text]

n7288   touch at it i.e. stir to anger at it. [go to text]

n6694   ’mates i.e. 'inmates'. Striker's implication is that his house has been invaded by madmen (inmates of an asylum). [go to text]

gg4170   sconce head, especially the crown or top of the head (OED n. 2) [go to text]

gg4459   trow believe [go to text]

n6695   vokes i.e. folks, people. The joke is that Tom was instructed not to inform man, woman or child of the secret so he informed only those he called by this other name or title. [go to text]

n6696   willow garland A traditional emblem of mourning. Constance also wears a garland of this kind in The Northern Lass when she performs in the wedding masque at the Luckless-Fitchow residence, presumably to symbolise her mourning for her lost love. [go to text]

n6699   appearing as if several months pregnant This needs to be achieved by the use of a stage property - a cushion - since this will be how the feigned pregnancy is revealed later in the act. [go to text]

n6698   round bellied That is: pregnant. [go to text]

gg1526   conceit conception, fancy, whim, clever trick [go to text]

n6700   Cut her lace The tight lacing on women's clothing at this time could often restrict breathing. [go to text]

n6701   quickens now with child i.e. is about to give birth. [go to text]

n6703   You have been doing something aforehand, sir. Rebecca accuses Cautious of being responsible for Annabel's pregnancy. [go to text]

n6704   Deceit becomes not dying men you know! Cautious here deliberately echoes Striker's previous words. [go to text]

n7290   You durst not strain yourself to wind your whistle, your doctor told you it would spend your spirits, so made me whistle for her. Cautious's angry outburst needs some glossing. He echoes Striker's own lines from Act 4 about not straining himself to damage his windpipe since his doctors had warned him against such exertions, but, Cautious notes, he was not too sick to form this deception against him and make him 'whistle', i.e. pay for, marrying his (pregnant) daughter. [go to text]

n6706   by composition i.e. according to the legal contract. [go to text]

n6705   stretch a neck for’t i.e. hang for the crime. [go to text]

n7291   more then do for making him away i.e. punish him further for abducting Tim as well. [go to text]

n7292   yield the cause i.e. explain the background. [go to text]

gg2639   sullen dull, drab; gloomy [go to text]

n6739   Indeed, I will: Touchwood prepares here for the kind of inset narrative in a speech which is a common way of imparting information or backstory in early modern drama. The challenge for the actor is how to hold the audience's attention through the lengthy monologue. [go to text]

gg339   lets (n) hindrance [go to text]

gg1143   portion dowry (monies, goods or lands brought by the wife to augment her husband’s estate on their marriage) [go to text]

n7293   Against my heart stood off Against the better judgement of my feelings kept aloof (from her). [go to text]

n6708   in handling i.e. in his care or management. [go to text]

n7294   clapped up i.e. effected, carried out. [go to text]

gs968   meed recompense [go to text]

n7295   [SAMUEL removes his disguise and reveals his true identity] Video In the workshopping we explored the difficulties of this scene which as well as including two 'reveals' of identity involving costume and props, also has a large number of characters gathered on stage. While there were not huge theatrical or dramaturgic questions to solve it was helpful just to block out the scene in this way and to register the comic tone of it all (impossible to do much else when so much is unravelling for the characters onstage). [go to text]

n7296   [Picking up the discarded cushion] Video The stage direction seems implicit from Tom's comment on the warmness of the cushion. In a dry run for the filming with actors, it was our general editor, Richard Cave, who clutched the cushion so touchingly to his face, a gesture we asked the actor to repeat for filming the next day . [go to text]

n7297   Znails i.e. God's nails. [go to text]

n6710   Taunton Dean Somerset region from which Tim and Tom derive. [go to text]

gg4464   gulled duped, deceived, fooled [go to text]

n6711   gulled OED records first usage of 'gulled' to mean 'duped' or 'deceived' in the 1640s but this is clearly Brome's sense here. [go to text]

gg4464   gulled duped, deceived, fooled [go to text]

n6712   single rapier compliment Tim returns us here to the strange events of 4.2 of the play where he was trained in courtly compliment and backstabbing in the form of a fencing duel done with words rather than real rapiers or swords. He now performs all that he learned for the benefit of this new audience. [go to text]

n6713   a wipe or two with the backsword compliment Meaning 'a backhand compliment used to wipe out any extravagant praise or flattery previously performed' [go to text]

gg3131   apprehension the action of learning, the laying hold or acquirement of knowledge (OED n, II 4) [go to text]

gg4465   righter one who establishes or settles rights (OED 3) [go to text]

gg4466   stewed term from cooking to imply long heating or boiling; but also used as an opprobrious epithet to suggest corrupt behaviour [go to text]

gg4586   soothsayer one who has the power of foretelling future events, a prognosticator [go to text]

n7298   suspected i.e. thought of in negative terms by society. Tim's reference here is to the rumours about Annabel and Sam that Moneylacks suggested had been circulating at the start of this act. Tim is, as usual, a bit belated in his intervention here. [go to text]

gg4265   backsword a sword with only one cutting edge [go to text]

gg2715   confederates conspirators [go to text]

n6715   I ha’ lost my small acquaintance Tim refers to Spring who does not appear in this final act. [go to text]

gg3486   remitted forgiven debt; abstained from exacting payment [go to text]

gg4467   yonker young nobleman or youth (Dutch in origin) [go to text]

n5912   Taunton Village in Somerset. [go to text]

n6716   ring on’t. i.e. the village bells will ring out to celebrate Tim's discovery of his true parentage. [go to text]

n6719   Epilogue Indication is not given as to who speaks this Epilogue, which directly addresses the audience. [go to text]

gg409   gamesters one who gambles (OED 3); lewd person of either sex (OED 5) [go to text]

n6717   ’Tis only in your hands to crown a play i.e. by applause. [go to text]

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