Act 5. Scene 1.
Enter Trampler and Touchwood.
Tram.TIs as I tell you Mr.
Touchwood; your ſonne has loſt a
faire fortune in the young gentlewoman, and as I con-
ceive by your wilfulnes Sir
Arnold Cautious licks his lips at her,
I aſfure you; and a ſweet lick it is, ſixe thouſand pound in preſent
Touch.A ſweet lick he has indeed if he knew all.
Tram.He does know all ſir.
Touch.If he did, I know what I know; good oath let me not
Tram.He knowes moreover, that Mr.
Striker, her grandfa-
ther has covenanted to give her two thouſand pound more at the
birth of his firſt Child, lawfully begotten on her body.
Touch.Ha, ha, ha, but what if her firſt child prove illegitimate?
Tram.That is not to be thought ſir.
Touch.Yes, and ſpoken too, if I durſt; but good oath let mee
Tram.And then he had entred into ten
thouſand pound bond, to leave her his heire if ſhe ſurvive him.
Touch.But he’s well recover’d you ſay.
Tram.Very luſty, very lively ſir.
Touch.Then hang him, he’ll never dye; I am a fear’d I muſt be
faine to give him over, I ſhall never vexe him to death: no, no,
Tram.No ſir, I heard himſelfe ſay, that your vexing him has bin
his phyſick, and the beſt meanes to keep him alive.
Touch.Did he ſay ſo? Ile teare this match in peeces preſently,
and ſee how that will worke on him; ile do it, what’s an oath to
me, in reſpect of ſending him to the Devill, Ile do’t.
Tram.I would you could ſir, and recover her for your ſon yet.
Tram.Becauſe I love the yong gentleman well.
K 2Touch
The Sparagus Garden.
Tram.Though I aſſure you the writings are
all paſt, ſign’d, ſeal’d, and deliver’d; but I have’hem in my
hands yet, and can doe you a pleaſure.
Tram.And came purpoſely to adviſe you, becauſe I love your ſon.
Touch.Umh – what a world of villany lies in the jobber noule
Tram.Thinke of it ſir, and be ſpeedy
Touch.Right learned in the Law, and my ſons friend Mr.
Tramp-
ler, Mr.
Ambodexter Trampler, you are a moſt notorious knave, &
you ſhall heare on’t o’both ſides, as you take fees.
Tram.Nay, and you be ſo hot Mr.
Touchwood I am gone.
Ex.
Touch.I know my courſe; either I will crack the heart-ſtrings
of
Striker, in croſſing this match, with the crack’d credit of his
Neece, or elſe I will be friends with him, and that will kill him
out right: But my oath ſtill troubles me –– O gentlemen you are
Act 5. Scene 2.
Enter Gilbert and Wat.
Wat.Ha you heard ſir of your fonne yet?
Touch.Not I, he lacks no money yet it ſeems:
Young Travellers make no other uſe of their fathers.
Gil.But ha you heard the newes of his young Miſtriſs?
Touch.What of ſir
Cautious being catcht, the wiſe and wary
gentleman, your Vncle, that would not beleeve there could be a
marriageable maid, though ſhe were juſtified by a jury of Midwifes,
and therefore purpoſd to have dy’d a Batchelour; that he ſhould
now bee catch’d with a pipt Nut-ſhell, and a Maggot in’t.
Wat.Sure he was ſtrangely wrought to’t.
There have beene knaviſh heads us’d in the buſineſſe.
Touch.But I will croſſe it and their knaveries, what ere they are.
Wat.I hope you will not croſſe mine Vncle in ſuch a fortune tho.
Wat.No, ſo much wealth ſir.
Touch.Pray let me uſe my Chriſtian Liberty, my Conſcience
pricks me to’t, it muſt be done.
Enter Servant.
Now what ſay you ſir?
Whiſper.
Gil.We might ha ſpar’d this labour: he was reſolv’d before we
came it ſeemes to ſpoyle the marriage.
Wat.We could not bee too ſure though: wee are now ſure e-
nough, that our diſſwaſions will ſpur him on the faſter.
[K2v]Gil
The Sparagus Garden.
Gil.And are we no leſſe ſure, that Sir
Hugh Mony-lacks will ſet
his ſtrength to lift Sir
Cautious off o’the hooks, in hope of a mat-
ter of 5 Pound, though he forfeit the obligation of his throat by’t.
Wat.All the danger is, that Sir
Hugh will be with mine Vncle
too ſoon, & prevent the match before he be too deep ingag’d in’t.
Gil.For that my letter of inſtructions, which I have given
An-
nabell ſhall prevent him; and
Striker keeps Sir
Cautious in his
houſe ſo warily, that untill the intended wedding houre, Sr.
Hugh
ſhall not obtaine admittance.
Ex. Ser.
Touch.Goe fetch ’hem in, and make the warrant: ha, ha, ha:
Gentlemen will you heare a complaint my man tells mee of cer-
taine Clownes that deſire my warrant to apprehend for notori-
ous Cheaters, whom doe you thinke?
Touch.Even Sir
Hugh Money-lacks, the mourning Knight, and
Gil.O’my life it is the roring Clowne, about the new made
Act 5. Scene 3.
Enter Tom and Coulter.
Touch.What is it you ſir, Mr.
Strikers Nephew, as I take it, you
cald his great worſhips Vncle lately as I take it, and did your beſt
to rore me out of his houſe.
Tom.Zheart
Coulter we be vallen into the Bakers ditch.
Touch.And doe you bring your complaints to me ſir, ha?
Coul.Zet a good vace on’t; and veare no colours though.
Tom.I am a honeſt man, and a true man for all that, and I
thought you the vitteſt to make my complaint to becauſe you were
the next Juſtice, to as peſtilence a peece of villany as ever you were
Maſter of in all your life: I come but vor juſtice, and to pay vor
what I take, and’t be avore hand here it is, whether it be vor your
Clarke or your zelfe who makes or meddles with it, your man has
my complaint in writing, pray let me have your warrant.
Touch.You ſhal, but firſt tell me, how came it that you cald that
Tom.Vor cauſe that he is Vncle to avoole that
I ha’to my brother, and I thought I might be ſo bold wee’n, and
he was not againſt it at virſt, till you were gone, and then he bad
me goe zeek better teſtimony, and ſo I went and vound my bro-
ther
Tim, his owne zuſters zonne I aſſure yee.
K 3Tom.
The Sparagus Garden.
Tom.Where he was made ſuch a
Tim, as ne’re was heard on in
Tonton, amongſt a many Cheaters; by maſſe here are a couple o’m.
Coul.Theſe were o’the crew.
Touch.How now my Maſters: ſure fellow thou art miſtaken.
Tom.No ſir, I am not miſtaken I: but I take ’hem I, where I vinde
’hem I: And I charge your juſticeſhip with’hem I, til they bring
Touch.Bring out your brother: why what has your brother done?
Tom.Done: nay they have done and undone him amongſt’hem.
And I think devour’d him quick too, vor he is loſt, & no where to
Touch.Doe you know the meaning of any of this
Gil.If he were your brother ſir, that you found at Sir
Hugh
Money-lacks lodging, you know we left him in your hands.
Wat.We ſtept in but by chance, & ſuch a youth we found there, &
there we left him in your and their hands, that had the managing
Tom.Zo you did, but what then did me the reſt, but
pli’d’me, and my man
Coulter here with wine, and zack, and ſome-
thing in’t, I dare be zwore that laid us azleep, when we miſtru-
ſted nothing but vaire play: oh ſpeak
Coulter, oh.
Coul.And then when were vaſt azleep, they all gave us the zlip,
the Knight was gon, and the Squire was gon, & Mr.
Tim was gon,
but he was made away, without all peraventure; for all the parrell
that he wore was left behind: and then – ſpeak Maſter.
Tom.And then the Mr. o’the houde came home, s made a mon-
ſtrous wonderment for the loſſe of his wife; he could not vinde
her he zed, and zo he vaire and vlatly thruſt us out o’doores, and
is gone a hunting after his wife agen: ſpeak
Coulter.
Gil.Alas poore
Britleware.
Coult.And then we came for your warrant, to vinde all theſe
Tom.And to take’hem where we vinde’hem, &
theſe were zome on’hem, when time was, and pray look to’hem.
Touch.I know not what to make o’this; but ſure there’s ſome-
thing in’t: And for theſe gentlemen ile ſee them forth-comming.
Gil.And I undertake Sir
Hugh Mony-lacks will be at the
Touch.And thither will I inſtantly.
Tom.And I chill make bold to wait upon you till I be better
[K3v]Touch.
The Sparagus Garden.
Touch.You ſhall, come on your way, come gentlemen.
Gil.Well, here is ſuch a knot now to untie,
As would turne
Oedipus his braine awry.
Ex. omnes.
Act 5. Scene 4.
Enter Curate and Britleware.
Cur.Be appeas’d and comforted, good Mr.
Brittleware, trouble
not your head in running after your fate, nor break your weighty
braines in ſeeking wayes after your wives heeles, which are ſo
light by your owne report, they cannot crack an egge.
Her credit yet they may and mine.
Cur.Beſides your wife is your wife where e’re ſhe is, abroad as
wel as at home; yea, loſt perhaps as well as found: I am now going
to yoke a heifer to a huſband, that perhaps will ſay ſo ſhortly whi-
Enter Trampler.
Scene 5.
Tram.To the wedding houſe: where I thinke I ſaw your wife
laſt night, Mr.
Brittleware.
Brit.Did you ſir, did you?
Tram.I cannot ſay directly; but I think it was ſhe: does ſhe not
call the Gentlewoman Aunt that keeps Mr.
Strikers houſe.
Brit.Yes Miſtris
Friſwood, ſhe is her Aunt ſir.
Scene 6.
Cur.Come goe with us, and find her.
Enter the Sedan, Hoy.
Brit.Pray gentleman ſtay, for I ſuppoſe
in it, in womans cloaths.
ſhe’s here: here’s number one and twenty, & this is ſure the litter.
Litter-manWhat peep you for; you ought not to do ſir.
Brit.By what Commiſſion ought you to carry my wife in a
Cloſe ſtoole under my noſe.
Litter-manTis a cloſe Chayre by your leave: And I pray for-
beare, you know not who we carry.
Brit.I know the cloaths ſhe weares, and I will wee the party.
Hoy.I know that voyce, & let me ſee the man; it is my ſurgeon.
Tram.A Surgeon! I took you for a China ſhop-keeper Maſter
Britleware; theſe by trades are for ſome by purpoſes, and I ſmell
Cur.And Lawyers commonly are the beſt upon that ſent.
Brit.Gentlemen this is a man that lay in my houſe.
Hoy.A gentleman you would ſay, or my coſt was ill beſto’d there.
Brit.Theſe are my goods he weares; that was my mothers
Gowne, and felloniouſly he weares it.
Hoy.Tis all I have to ſhew for foure hundred pound I laid out
in your houſe; and Sir
Hugh put it upon me, and hir’d theſe men
to carry me. – Whither was it?
Lite-manVp to a lodging in St.
Gileſes ſir.
[K4]
The Sparagus Garden.
Hoy.Where he promis’d to finiſh his worke of a gentleman
in me, and ſend me to my Vncle.
Cur.O
monſtrum horendum; a man in womens cloaths.
Tram.Tis fellony by the Law.
Brit.Has ſir
Hugh gin me the ſlip to finiſh his work in private?
it ſhall all out, I am reſolv’d, though I bewray my ſelfe in’t: pray
gentlemen aſſiſt me with this party to Mr. Juſtice
Strikers, you
Tram.Yes you ſhall thither.
Brit.And there I’le take a courſe you ſhal ſmel knavery enough.
Hoy.I finde J am abus’d enough o’conſcience: and ſhall be car-
ried to mine Vncle now before my time and not as a gentleman,
but as a gentlewoman, which grieves me worſt of all.
Cur. Hinc illœ lachrimœ, the youth is ſure abus’d indeed.
Tram.Come, leave your crying; And you
beaſts up with your luggage, and along with us: Ile fetch ſuch dri-
vers as ſhall ſet you on elſe.
Litter-manLet us be paid for our labour, and we’ll carry him to Bridewell, if you pleaſe.
Hoy.Oh, oh, that ever I was born in this groaning chaire.
Ex.
Act 5. Scene 7.
Friſwood and Rebecca.
Fris.It was well I ſent for thee Neece, to helpe me decke the
Bride here, and that the jealous foole thy huſband thinkes thou
art gone aſtray the while; it will be a meanes for thee to take thy
liberty another night, and pay him home indeed, when he ſhall
not have the power to miſtruſt thee: it is the common conditi-
on of Cuckolds to miſtruſt ſo much afore hand, that when they are
Dub’d indeed, they have not a glympſe of ſuſpition left.
Reb.Their hornes hang i’their light then; but truely Aunt, for
mine owne part, I had rather my huſband ſhould be jealous ſtil
then be cur’d in that right kinde, though I confeſſe the ends of all
my longings, and the vexations I have put him to
Were but to run jealouſie out of breath,
And make him pant under the frivolous weight
He beares; that is, a Cuckold in conceit;
Which without doubt he labours with by this time:
And when he finds me cleare, twill be as well:
(I hope) and better then if it were done
By the broad way of foule pollution.
Fris.Nay I doe not perſwade you, take the downe-right way,
[K4v]Nothing
The Sparagus Garden.
Nothing againſt your Conſcience Neece; I ſent
For him to ha come and found you here by chance;
But he has ſhut up houſe, and is runne mad
About the Towne I heare to all your haunts.
Reb.He ſhall come hither and renounce his jealouſie,
And thern entreat me too before I goe.
Scene 8.
Fris.Yes, that’s a wiſe wives part.
Ent. Strik. & Caut.
Stri.Whats the Bride ready?
Fris.Yes ſir, ſhe’s dreſt.
Reb.And dreſt, and dreſt indeed;
Never was maid ſo dreſt: oh ſir you are happy;
The happieſt Knight, and are now in election
Of the moſt ſweet encounter in a bride,
That e’re your chivalry could couch a Lance at.
Caut.I thanke you Mrs. and Ile bring her ſhortly to beſtow mony
Reb.She is herſelf the pureſt piece of Purf-
lane – that e’re had liquid ſweet meats lick’d out of it.
Caut.And purer too I hope.
Fris.She’s at her private prayers yet ſir. ſhe.
Stri.When ſhe has done, then haſten her away.
Ex. Fris. Reb.
Reb.Such Brides doe ſeldom make their grooms their prey.
Stri.Doe you now conclude Sir
Arnold you are happy?
Scene 9.
Caut.As man can be being so neare a wife.
Ent. Monylacks.
Mon.By your leave, gentlemen.
Stri.He come? I fear a miſchief.
Mon.How comes it Father
Stiker, and ſonne
Cautious in election
That you huddle up a match here for my child,
And I not made acquainted, as unworthy,
Untill the very intended marriage houre?
Str.Who ſent you hither, I ſent not for you now ſir.
And there I am wi’yee ſir.
Mon.Tis true, I covenanted not to come at you,
Untill you ſent for rme, unleſſe you found
Young
Touchwood had the love of
Annabell,
You have heard he has touch’d her has he not?
Mon.Has he not made her
Touchwood too?
Mon.Yes. and ſtruck fire too in her tinderbox.
Stri.You will not ſpeak thus.
Mon.To you I neede not; for you know’t already;
But to my friend Sir
Cautious, whom I honour,
And would not ſee ſo ſhipwrack’d, I may ſpeake it.
LStri.
The Sparagus Garden.
Stri.Will you undoe your daughter?
Mon.My daughter; no you ſhall not put her upon me now.
She is your daughter ſir: if I but call her mine,
Or ſuffer her to aſk me a bare bleſſing,
You’ll thruſt her out: no, you adopted her
In your owne name, and made a
Striker of her,
Stri.The beggarly Knight is deſperate,
And ſhould he out with it, my ſhame were end leſſe:
This is the way or none to ſtop his mouth:
Tis but a money matter; ſtay a little.
Mon.Goe not away ſir
Arnold, I muſt ſpeak wi’yee.
Stri.Be not a Mad-man, here, here’s forty peeces,
I know you uſe to ſtrike for ſmaller ſummes:
But take it for your ſilence, and withall
My conſtant love, and my continuall friendſhip.
Mon.Give me your hand o’that; enough, Sir
Arnold.
Caut.What ſay you to me ſir
Hugh?
Stri.What does he meane tro?
Mon.You muſt not have my daughter.
Mon.Unleſſe you meane to take anothers leavings
Stri.Oh devilliſh reprobate.
Mon.Till ſhe has buried firſt arnother huſband,
And he leave her a widow: I am her father,
And claime a fathers intereſt in her choiſe;
And I have promis’d her to one already,
This very day, becauſe I was not privy
To your proceedings; and have taken here
This faire aſſumpſit forty peeces ſir;
You might admire how I ſhould have’hem otherwiſe.
Stri.Here's an impudent villaine.
Mon.For theſe I give a hundred, if you wed her.
Caut.To ſhew my love unto your daughter ſir Ile pay’t.
Mon.Security in hand were good.
Caut.Pray lend me ſir a hundred Peeces.
Stri.I dare not croſſe this devill, I muſt fetch ’hem.
Ex.
Mon.Twill ne’re the leſſe be my diſparagement.
Caut.What, when they know her grandfather diſpos’d her,
That has the care of her, and gives her portion?
[L1v]And
The Sparagus Garden.
And then he can ha’but his money, can hee?
Mon.Oh but the wench, the wench, is ſuch a wench,
Scarce two ſuch marryed in a Dioceſſe,
In twice two twelve moneths, for right and ſtraight ones.
Caut.There ſaid you well: the ſtraight ones I like well:
But thoſe that men call right, or good ones, ſuffer
Scene 10.
Mon.Amongſt the lewd.
Enter Striker with a purſe.
Mon.But is here weight and number ſir?
Stri.Now the fiend ſtretch thee – you may take my word.
Mon.Here I am wi’yee ſir.
Scene 11.
Enter Gilbert, Wat, Touchwood, Tom, Sam.
Gil.Though you are fully bent to croſſe the marriage,
Yet lets entreat you not to be too ſuddaine.
Touch.Till they come to the word, for better, for worſe
Stri.How now, what mates breake in upon us here?
Touch.I come not as a gueſt ſir, or ſpectator
To your great wedding, but o’the Kings affaires;
In which I muſt crave your aſſiſtance ſir:
Deny’t me, or my entrance, if you dare.
Stri.It is ſome weighty matter ſure then.
But not to trouble your ſconce with too much buſineſſe,
At once, purſue your owne, we will attend a while.
Caut.In that he has ſaid well: I would the Bride
And Prieſt were come once: I am content they ſtand
For witneſſes; what my kind Nephew are you here?
I thanke you for this plot, you ſee what’tis come to.
Wat.Tis not all finiſh’d yet ſir.
All in good time: the Bride is comming now.
You and your brother Poet are grown friends I ſee.
Gil.A friend of
Wats he brought for company.
Tom.He was amongſt’hem too at the cheating exerciſe, and yonds
The Knight himſelfe; I know,hem all I troe.
Touch.And you’ll ſtand to this, that your loſt brother
Was
Strikers Siſter
Audreyes ſonne.
Tom.I ha told you twonty times, and yet becauſe you zay you’ll
ſtand my vrend, ile tell you more ſhe was with child with
Tim be-
vore my vather married her (ſhe brought him in her belly vrom this
L 2towne
The Sparagus Garden.
towne here, where they get Children without veare or wit) but vor
her money, and’s owne credits zake, my vather was well apaid to
keep it vor his owne; and nobody knew to the Contrary, not
Tim
Touch.Then how camſt thou to know it?
Tom.My vather told it me upon his death-bed, and charg’d me on
his bleſſing, never to open my mouth to man, woman, nor child, zo
I told no body but vokes on’t.
Touch.Wel, hold thy peace, tis an abſolute wonder! now to the wed-
Scene 12.
Enter Curate, Tramp. Ann. Fris. Reb.
Cau.Hows this? my bride in mourning habit, and her head in willow?
Stri.What’s the meaning of it?
Reb.I ſaid ſhe was dreſt as never Bride was dreſt.
Touch.A ſolemme ſhew, and ſuiting well the Scene!
She ſeems round bellied, and you marke it too.
Ann.My habit and my dreſſing ſuits my fortune.
Stri.Pray ſir doe your office, her conceit.
Fris.Oh me; why Miſtris look up, look up I ſay.
Reb.Clap her cheek, rub her noſe.
Fris.Sprinkle cold water on her face.
Reb.Cut her lace, cut her lace, and bow her forward, ſo, ſo, ſo.
Touch.Ile lay my life ſhe quickens now with child.
Mon.What think you is the matter?
Caut.Women how is it with her?
Fris.Sir, as with other women in her caſe.
Caut.How’s that I pray you?
Reb.Twill out,’twill out,
you have bin doing ſomething afore-hand ſir.
Reb.It ſeems ſo by the ſtory.
Fris.You may leave laughing, it was your ſonne that did it.
Stri.I am undone, my houſe diſgrac’d for ever.
Touch.He knew’t before hand, now I may declare’t,
Speake o’thy Conſcience, didſt not?
Caut.Deceite becomes not dying men you know,
Into a whirlepoole of confuſion
Sinke thou and all thy family, accurſed miſer.
[L2v]Touch.
The Sparagus Garden.
Touch.This was a ſure way now Sir
Cautious,
To marry a maid, there’s one i’the mother’s belly.
Caut.You knew not where I could be ſo well fitted.
Caut.A rot o’your diſſembling intrailes, ſpit ’hem out, you durſt
not ſtrain yourſelfe to wind your whiſtle, your Doctor told you it
would ſpend your ſpirits, ſo made me whiſtle for her.
Touch.Cheare up, cheare up, I may be friends wi’yee now:
Here’s one has caufe, and knows the way to vexe yee.
To preſerve life in you as well as I.
Stri.A hem, a hem, I will out-live you both:
This dayes vexation is enough for a life time.
Caut.And may it laſt thee to thy lives laſt houre.
Touch.Now let me talke wi’yee, and come you hither ſir.
Tram.I tell you true, your writings are ſo paſt, that if you goe
Not off by compoſition, you’ll ſhake your whole eſtate.
Ile give thee a thouſand pound, and take her off me.
Wat.I cannot with my reputation now:
But I will doe my beſt to worke a friend to’t.
Caut.Prethee doe, try thy Poeticall ſouldier.
Mon.That Clowne come hither too: I feare I am trapt.
Touch.Tis all as I have told you, and without queſtion,
The man in queſtion is your ſiſters ſonne.
Stri.Would it might prove ſo, that I had yet a Nephew,
For now my Neece is loſt.
Touch.Here’s one ſhall find him out: or ſtretch a neck for’t.
Sir
Hugh you are chargd for making of a gentleman.
Touch. And more then do, for making him away.
Tom.Marry my brother
Tim.
Touch.Your patience yet a while: now gentlemen all,
Sir
Cautious, and the reſt, pray heare a ſtory:
I have bin often urg’d to yield the cauſe
Of the long quarrell twixt this man and me:
Thirty yeares growth it has, he never durſt
Reveale the reaſon; I being ſullen would not.
Stri.You will not tell it now?
L 3Touch.
The Sparagus Garden.
He had a ſiſter (peace to her memory)
That in my youth I lov’d, ſhee me ſo much,
That we concluded, we were man and wife;
And dreadleſſe of all marriage lets, we did
Anticipate the pleaſures of the bed.
Nay it ſhall out; briefly, ſhe prov’d with child:
This covetous man then greedy of her portion,
(Of which for the moſt part he was poſſeſt)
Forces her with her ſhame to leave his houſe.
She makes her moane to me, I then (which ſince
I have with teares a thouſand times repented)
Againſt my heart ſtood off, in hope to winne
Her Dowry from him; when ſhe gentle foule
(Whom I muſt now bewaile) when ſhe I ſay,
Not knowirng my reſerv’d intent, from him and me,
From friends, and all the world, for ought we knew,
Suddainly ſlipt away: after five yeares
I tooke another wife, by whom I had
The ſonne, thta has done that the woman ſayes:
But where I left, if this mans tale be true,
She had a ſonne, whom I demaund of you.
Tom.I ſhall have a kind of an Vncle of you anon.
And you prove
Tim’s vather.
Tram.The young Gentleman that fir
Hugh had in handling, is in
the houſe, and Maſter
Brittlewarewith him.
Cur.Only we kept em back, till our more ſerious office were ended.
Touch.Pray em in, lets ſee him.
Exit. Tram.
Gil.Sir, will it pleaſe you firſt to ſee a match quickely clapt up?
This Gentleman whom I know every way deſerving, were your
Neece now in her prime of Fortune and of Virtue, deſires to have
her, and ſhe him as much.
Wat.He knowes his ſon I feare.
Touch.My ſon ſhall make his fault good, and reſtore her honor to
her if he lives, in meed for your faire ſiſters wrong and my miſdeede,
my ſon ſhall marry her; provided he take her in his Conſcience
unſtain’d by any other man.
Ile give her all the worldly good I have.
[L3v]Sam.
The Sparagus Garden.
Sam.I take her not with all faults, but without any leaſt blemiſh.
Ann.My ſuppoſed ſtaine: Thus I caſt from me.
Tom.Znailes a Cuſhion, how warme her belly has made it.
Ann.And that all was but a plot’twixt him and me, and theſe gen-
tlemen: This paper may reſolve you.
Sam.Tis mine owne hand by which I inſtructed her by a diſſem-
bled way, to wound her honour.
Ann.Which, to preſerve my love, againe ide doe,
Hoping that you forgive it in me too.
Cau.Now am I cheated both wayes.
Wat.The plot is finiſh’d: now thanks for your thouſand pound fir.
Touch.You are mine owne; welcome into my boſome.
Act 5 Scene 13.
Enter Hoyden, Trampler, Brittleware.
Tom.Whoope, who comes here, my brother
Tim dreſt like Ma-
ſter Maiors wife of
Taunton-Deane.
Hoy.Tis all I could get to ſcape with out of the cozning houſe; and
all I have to ſhew of foure hundred pound; but this certificate and
this ſmall jewel which my dying mother ga’me; and I had much ado
to hide it from the Cheaters, to bring unto mine Vncle; which is he?
Stri.Lets ſee your token Sir.
Touch.This is a jewell that I gave my
Awdrey.
Tom.And that’s your vather he zaies.
Hoy.And a gentleman? what a divelliſh deale of mony might I ha
ſav’d! for gentle-men let me tell you, I have been cozen’d black and
blew; backe-guld and belly-guld; and have nothing left me but a lit-
tle bare Complement to live upon, as I am a cleare gentleman.
Stri.Will you beſtow ſome of it upon me.
Hoy.Vncle you ſhall: Firſt ile give you a hit at ſingle Rapier com-
plement: and then a wipe or two with the Back-ſword Complement
Hoy.Noble Mr.
Striker the grave Magiſtrate (if my apprehenſion
deale fairely with me) whoſe prayſes reach to Heaven, for the faire
diſtribution of equall juſtice: the poore mans Sanctuary, the righter
of widdowes, and the Orphans wrongs.
Stri.Enough, enough, you have ſayd very well.
Hoy.Note you yond juſtice ſits upon the Bench?
Hoy.The Stockes were fitter for him: the moſt corrupted fellow
[L4]about
The Sparagus Garden.
about the Suburbs, his conſcience is ſtewd in Bribes, all his poore
neighbours curſe him; tis thought he keeps a whoor now at threeſcore.
Touch.A very Weſterne Southſayer, thou art mine owne.
Hoy.His Neece is much ſuſpected.
Touch.Nay there you went too farre, this is his Neece, and my
Hoy.I know no Neece he has, I ſpeak but backſword complement.
Stri.You put me well in mind though, Here's one, that ere the Par-
ſon and we part, ile make an honeſt woman.
takes Fris.
Touch.And for your part ſir
Hugh, you ſhall make ſatiſfaction, and
bring in your Confederates.
Hoy.Here’s one that came to complaine of me for my Robes here,
but I ha loſt my ſmall acquaintance.
Mon.Ile anſwer for him too, and give you all the ſatiſfaction that I can.
Touch.What you cannot ſhall be remitted, we have all our faults.
Brit.And have I found thee
Beck in ſo good company?
Reb.I Jacke, be you jealous no more, and I will long no more to
Fris.Live lovingly and honeſtly I charge you, or come not at mee
Touch.This yonker ile take care for,
And make him a new gentleman by new breeding,
Without the Dyet, bathing, purge, or bleeding.
Hoy.Sweet Sir I thanke you.
Tom.Ile home againe then and make
Tanton ring on’t.
Stri.Our quarrell in this peece of folly ends.
Touch.He parted us, and he has made us friends.
Caut.Nephew, and Gentlemen, I am friends with all,
You had your plot upon me, I had mine.
Stri.Lets in, and end all differences in wine.
The Epilogue
[Link] AT firſt we made no boaſt, and ſtill we feare,
We have not anſwer’d expectation here,
Yet give us leave to hope, as hope to live,
That you will grace, as well as Iuſtice give,
We do not dare your Iudgments now: for we
Know lookers on more then the Gamſters ſee;
And what ere Poets write, we Act, or ſay,
Tis only in your hands to Crowne a Play.
FINIS.