ACT FIVE
5.1*
[MATCHIL's house]*
Enter LAFOY, HARDYMAN, and MATCHIL

1039LafoyInhospitable! ’Tis inhumane, passed
        The cruelty of infidels.

1040MatchilThou speak’st
        But thine own barbarous cruelty, hollow Frenchman.

1041LafoyAbominable hypocrite.

1042MatchilCunning villain.

1043HardymanFie, gentlemen, forbear this unknown language,
        And either speak to other’s understanding,
        If you speak justice.

1044MatchilGive me then my son.

1045LafoyThou hast thy son, give me my son and daughter.

1046HardymanPray, gentlemen, if you’ll not hear each other, yet both hear me.

1047MatchilI pray, captain, speak.

1048HardymanYou had his son to foster; he, your daughter.
        You faithfully affirm you sent his son
        For England a month since.

1049LafoyAnd mine own with him.

1050HardymanYou have confessed you put away his daughter.

1051MatchilAnd mine own with her, through her disobedience.
        But ’twas upon advertisement by letter,
        That he had first cast off my son to an
        Untimely death.

1052HardymanSome villain forged that letter,
        And let me tell you, sir, though in your house,
        Lafoy’s an honest and a temperate man.
        You are rash and unadvised: what Lafoy speaks
        I will maintain for truth; what you have done,
        I wish you could make good. But I may fear
        You are marked out by your own wilfulness
        The subject of much woe and sad misfortune.

1053MatchilI know not what I am, but, did you know
        The number and the weight of my afflictions,
        You could not chide me thus without some pity.

1054HardymanIndeed, I pity you; and, now you’re calm,
        Know that Lafoy sent his son over with yours,
        And but for some affairs he had with me
        I’ th’ Isle of Wight, he had embarked himself
        With them, and brought ’em to you.

1055MatchilThere’s hope, then, yet that my boy lives.

1056HardymanAnd is come over, fear not.

1057MatchilYou comfort me, and now, Lafoy, you’re welcome.

1058LafoyBut to what comfort, having lost my daughter?

1059MatchilLost or lost not, mine’s with her. And I
        Purpose now to be sad no longer. For I think
        I ha’ lost my wife too, there’s a second comfort.*

1060HardymanTake an example here, Monsieur Lafoy,
        And shake off sadness; mirth may come unlooked for.
        I ha’ lost a son too, a wild roaring lad*,
        About this town, and if I find not him,
        I doubt not I shall find that he has spent me
        A hundred pound since I last heard of him.
        By the way, sir, I sent you a bill of change
        Last month to pay a hundred pieces for me.

1061Matchil’Twas paid. I have your bill for my discharge*.
Enter SERVANT*
        How now? Ha’ you found your mistress?

1062ServantNo tidings of her, sir.

1063MatchilShe has found, then, some good exercise, I doubt not,*
        That holds her so.

1064ServantSir, there’s a gentleman
        Craves instant speech with you.

1065MatchilWho? Or whence comes he?

1066ServantHe will be known to none before he sees you
        And, when you see him, he says he thinks you’ll know him.
        He’s a brave gallant, one o’the Alamodes,
        Nothing but French all over*.

1067MatchilFetch him me quickly,
        It is my son. Grammercy mine own heart*,
        That wast not light so suddenly for nothing.
        Pray, gentlemen, who e’er you see, name no man
        To me, unless I ask you. He comes, he comes.
Enter CASH
           [Aside]   I’m grown a proper man.* Heaven make me thankful.
        Just such a spark was I at two and twenty,
        Set clothes and fashion by*. He thinks to try
        If I can know him now. But there I’ll fit him.
           [Aloud to CASH]   With me, sir, is your business?

1068CashI presume
        You do not know me, sir.

1069Matchil   [Aside to LAFOY and HARDYMAN]   As well as he that got him.
        Pray, gentlemen, keep your countenances.   [Aloud]   Not know you, sir?
        ’Tis like I may have known you heretofore,
        But cannot readily collect; perhaps
        You are much changed by travel, time, and bravery
        Since I last saw you.   [Aside to LAFOY and HARDYMAN]   There he may find
        I partly guess, but will not know him yet.
        Good gentlemen, say nothing.
[CASH looks terrified]

1070HardymanWhat ails he, trow?

1071Cash   [Aside]   He knows me, I fear, too soon. If now my plot fail, and he have a counterplot upon me, I am laid up.   [Aloud]*   Do you not know me yet, sir?

1072MatchilKnow you, or know you not, sir, what’s your business?

1073CashYou sometimes had a son, sir.

1074Matchil   [Aside]   Now he comes to me.
           [Aloud]   I had, sir. But I hear he’s slain in France.
        And farewell he.   [Aside to LAFOY and HARDYMAN]   Mark how I handle him.
           [Aloud]   And what, sir, of my son?

1075CashHe’s dead, you say?

1076Matchil   [Aside]   I muse the knave asks me not blessing though.

1077CashBut, to supply his loss, you have a daughter
        That may endear a son, sir, to your comfort.*

1078Matchil   [Aside]   Whither now flies he, trow?   [Aloud]   Sir, do you know her,
        Or where to find her?

1079CashFirst upon my knees
        Let me implore your pardon.   [CASH kneels]   

1080Matchil   [Aside to LAFOY and HARDYMAN]   Now he comes home and I can hold no longer.
           [Aloud]   My blessing, boy, thou meanest. Take it, and welcome
        To a glad father. Rise, and let my tears,
        Of* joy confirm thy welcome.

1081CashI may not rise yet, sir.

1082MatchilNo? Why? What hast thou done? Where’s young Lafoy,
        My true friend’s son here? Whom I now must lock
        Up in these arms, amidst a thousand welcomes.
        Where’s the young man?

1083CashI know not who you mean, sir.

1084MatchilDistract me not.

1085LafoyI fear you are distraught.
        I know not him*. How should he know my son?

1086MatchilLet me look nearer.

1087CashSir, I am your prentice.

1088MatchilWhow – whow, – whow! Who? – my thief and runaway?

1089CashPray, sir, afford me hearing.

1090MatchilSir, your cause
        Requires a judge’s hearing*.

1091CashI have put me
        Into your hands, and not without much hope,
        To gain your pardon, and your daughter’s love.

1092Matchil’Tis roundly spoken. Gentlemen, I’ll tell you,
        This gallant youth has gallanted away
        A thousand pound of mine.

1093CashFor your advantage, sir. For by this way
        Of gallantry, as you call it, I have travelled
        Through the resorts and haunts, public and private,
        Of all the gallants in the town. In brief,
        I have found your daughter, where she had been lost
        For ever in your brother Strigood’s hands.

1094MatchilCanst bring me thither?

1095LafoyIs my daughter with her?

1096CashMadam Gabriella, the French damsel’s there.
        And others, men and women, whom you’ll know
        When you come there.

1097LafoyGood sir, let’s hasten thither.

1098MatchilYou’ll aid me, sirs?

1099HardymanYes, with our lives and fortune.[Exit LAFOY, HARDYMAN, MATCHIL, and CASH]
5.2*
[Inside CAMELION's house]*
Enter ERASMUS, BLITH, and CAMELION [carrying a key]

1100ErasmusBe fearless, lady, and upon my life,
        Honour, and faith, you are secure from danger.

1101BlithSir, I have put me in your hands, you see,
        So liberally that I may fear to suffer
        If not a censure, yet a supposition
        Of too much easiness, in being led
        So suddenly, so far towards your desire.
        But my opinion of your nobleness,
        Joined with your protestation, pleads my pardon.
        At least it may, the wretchedness considered,
        To which I was enthralled.

1102ErasmusIt is not more my love
        Unto your virtue, and your fair endowments,
        Than pity in me labours your release,
        Nor is it rather to enrich myself,
        Than to save you from so immense a danger,
        As you had fallen into by yielding under
        Your uncle’s weakness in so fond a match.

1103BlithBless me from being fool-clogged.

1104ErasmusNow you are free,
        If you can think yourself so, and but yield
        Unto my present counsel.

1105CamelionDo so, lady,
        Before you are missed within. Here is the closet,
        And here’s the key in your own hands.   [CAMELION gives BLITH the key]   And presently* I’ll fetch a priest.

1106ErasmusYou see
        I still deal fairly w’ye, and give you power
        To keep guard on yourself.

1107BlithAnd yet I yield
        Myself your prisoner.

1108CamelionIn. Somebody comes.
        She will be yours. And let me tell you, sir,
        I wish you as much joy with her, as I*
        Have with my Cock.

1109ErasmusYou have befriended me
        In this good enterprise, and one good turn
        Requires another. And now for that I told you,
        Touching your wife, your Cock you so rejoice in.

1110CamelionAlas, alas, good gentleman, you would fain
        Ha’ me be jealous. Honi soit, you’re short.
Enter VALENTINE and HANNAH [carrying 50 pieces of money and two letters]

1111ErasmusStand by and observe.
[ERASMUS, BLITH, and CAMELION conceal themselves]

1112ValentineDo you begin to boggle,
        And when I send for twenty pieces, do you
        Send me but ten?

1113Camelion   [Aside to ERASMUS]   What’s that?

1114Erasmus   [Aside to CAMELION]   Nay, mark.

        What have I had in all by your account?

1116HannahAt several times, you have had fifty pounds of
        my poor husband’s money.

1117ValentineWhat’s that to the free pleasure of my body
        Which must afford you sweet and lusty payment,
        You froward monkey? But perhaps you ha’ got
        Some new-found horn-maker, that you may think
        Deserves your husband’s money better, for
        Doing his journey-work, one o’ the monsieurs,
        Or both perhaps i’th’ house here, under’s antlers*?
        It must be so; why else of all the town,
        Must I be one o’th’ last that must take notice
        Of your new college here, your brazen-face college
        Of feats and fine fagaries? Do you grow weary of me?

1118HannahDo you grow wild? Speak lower. Do you mean
        To undo me?

1119ValentineWill tother fifty pound undo thee? I have lost
        All that I had within among your monsieurs.
        And you must yield supply or lose a friend*
        Of me.

1120Camelion    [Aside]   What a way would so much money have gone in bets at the ducking pond?

1121HannahWill no less serve your turn than fifty?

1122ValentineNo less. All makes, you know, but a just hundred.
        And there I’ll stick; and stick close to thee too,*
        Else all flies open. What care I who knows
        Your credit’s breach, when you respect not mine*?

1123Camelion   [CAMELION and ERASMUS come forward]   ’Tis too well known already. All’s too open*.
        My house, my purse, my wife, and all’s too open*.

1124HannahO me, undone.

1125CamelionWas ever loving husband
        So much abused?

1126ValentineEnquire among your neighbours.

1127ErasmusBe patient, man.

1128CamelionO thou close whore!

1129ValentineTake heed, sir, what you say.
        E’en now you said she was too open*, sir.
        You’re in two tales already.

1130HannahI fear he’s mad; or jealous, which is worse.

1131ValentinePish, Honi soit. He jealous, he defies it!

1132CamelionDo you deride me?
        Sir, you can witness with me, he confessed
        Receipt of fifty pounds my wife has lent him,
        False woman that she is, for horn-making,
        Job journey-work.

1133HannahYou are deceived.

1134CamelionI know –
        At least I think* – I am deceived in both
        My money and thy honesty, but the laws
        In both shall do me right, or all shall fly for’t.
        I’ll instantly to counsel.

1135HannahHear me first.

1136ErasmusBy all means, hear her first. Pray, grant her that.

1137CamelionI dare not look on her, lest I be tempted
        To yield unto my shame and my undoing.*

1138ValentineWill you not hear your Cock, your Nansy, Nanny Cock?

1139HannahTime was you would not ha’ denied me that.

1140CamelionNor anything, if my Cock had but stood*
        Upon’t. Such was my love, but now –

1141HannahBut now you’re jealous.

1142CamelionHave I not cause?

1143HannahHere’s tother fifty pieces. Take’em, sir.
           [HANNAH gives VALENTINE fifty pieces of money]   They are full weight, and truly told*.

1144ValentineBrave wench.

1145HannahIf you will law, sir, you shall law for something.

1146CamelionWhat dost thou mean?

1147Valentine   [Aside]   I hope she’ll humble him so,
        That he shall keep our chamber door for us,
        While we get boys for him. A dainty rogue,
        She tempts me strongly now. Would she would call me
        About it presently.

1148HannahThat money, sir,
        May serve to countenance you among the gamesters
        Within, that blew you up. The lady widow
        May think the better of your credit too,
        Being so good i’ th’ house.*

1149ValentineI’ll straight amongst’em.

1150Camelion   [To ERASMUS]   Counsel me not, sir. All my joys are gone.
        I cannot think now what a ducking pond
        Can be good for, except to drown me in’t.

1151ErasmusAlas, poor man, I was in this too busy.
[VALENTINE prepares to leave]

1152HannahStay, you shall promise me before my husband
        That you will never more attempt my chastity.

1153ValentineThat bargain’s yet to make. Though before him
        I may say much, I will not stand to that
        For all the wealth he has.

1154HannahYou shall protest
        Then, fairly, as you are a gentleman,
        You never have enjoyed me.

1155CamelionI like that.

1156ValentineNo, no, I cannot safely, for in that
        I shall surrender up my interest
        In’s house; and he may warn me out on’t. No,
        Take heed o’that. ’Tis not his tother hundred
        Shall make me slip that hold.

1157CamelionI am lost again.

1158HannahWhat a bold thief is this! Pray hear me, sir:
        You may remember that I asked you once
        What countryman you were.

1159ValentineYes, when you first cast your good liking on me,
        And I told you o’ th’ Isle of Wight. And what o’ that?

1160HannahAnd you
        Call Captain Hardyman your father-in-law?*

1161ValentineYou wrong me basely to say I call him
        Anything: for he gives me nothing.

1162HannahYou wrong him basely. Look you, can you read?
[HANNAH shows VALENTINE a letter]

1163ValentineI had done ill to venture, as I ha’ done,
        On Salisbury Plain else.* Ha! What’s here?
   [VALENTINE reads]   That, 'Daughter, I sent you order to receive for me an hundred pounds. If you find that your brother the spendthrift Val Askal,'– Zooks, that’s I! – 'be in any want, furnish him according to your own discretion.' I am Val Askal, where’s the money? My hundred pound, ha’ you’t?

1164HannahIt seems a sister of yours had it.
        Ha’ you a sister?

1165ValentineHe had a daughter by my mother, but
        He placed her out a child, I know not where.
        Where’s that young whore, trow? Hannah, I think
        Her name was. Hang me if I know directly.

1166CamelionMy wife’s name’s Hannah, sir.

1167HannahI am that sister, brother, but no whore.

1168ErasmusNow, Val, your brags to make men think you lay with her.

1169HannahYou have your hundred pound, sir. Look you, husband:
        This is my father’s letter which you wrote on,
        That which you dared the devil and clerks to counterfeit. Read your own hand.
[HANNAH shows CAMELION the letter]

1170Camelion   [CAMELION reads]   'Honi soit qui maly pense.'

1171ErasmusI must admire this woman.

1172ValentineDost think I did not know thee?

1173HannahNo, sir, nor would I that you should,
        Till I had foiled you in your course,
        And had my will to make my husband jealous.

1174CamelionMy Cock, my Cock again, my Nanny cock
        Cock-all, my Cock-a-hoop, I am overjoyed.
        See, see thy father too.
Enter MATCHIL, HARDYMAN, LAFOY, and CASH

1175MatchilThis is the woman,
        To whom I paid your money.

1176Hardyman’Tis my daughter!
        My blessing on you.   [HARDYMAN sees his son VALENTINE]   What, are you here too?

1177ValentineAnd ask you blessing too. Your hundred pound
        Has bound me to’t. Heaven bless you. Here’s half
        One still, yes, and the better half, for tother’s spent.

1178HardymanO, y’are a great good husband*.

1179ValentineI would be one. And here’s a good rich widow
        Now in the house, your countenance may help me.
        My sister and my brother* both can tell you
        How orderly and civilly I live.


1181HardymanTis like, sir, I shall prove your furtherer.
        What is she?

1182ValentineThat merchant’s sister, and a lady, sir.
        I would not have him hear.

1183HardymanWe’ll talk aside, then.   [HARDYMAN and VALENTINE] talk aside.   

1184MatchilIn that I’m partly satisfied.*

1185ErasmusI love you, sir,
        And waited on your wife but as your spy,
        For fear he might have led her to more folly.

1186MatchilBut saw you not two such damsels here?

1187ErasmusHere are
        Some in the house that would not be seen by us.

1188CashBecause they thought you’d know ’em.

1189ErasmusAnd if that
        Old fellow be your brother Strigood, ’tis most
        strange.

1190MatchilYou know not him here, do you?

1191ErasmusNo, not I.

1192Matchil’Tis my man, Cash.

1193ErasmusMost wonderful.

1194MatchilWe shall know more anon.

1195LafoyPray haste, sir, to discovery. I would fain
        Once see my daughter.

1196MatchilI would see a little
        The fashions o’the house first.

1197CashPray obscure
        Yourselves in that by-room there, where you may
        See and hear all that passes, nor can any
        Pass out o’th’ house without your notice.
        The gentlemen and I will mix again
        With the society, if they please.

1198ErasmusAgreed.

1199Strigood   Within*   Where are you, gentlemen?

1200ErasmusCome away, Val.

1201MatchilIs not that the hell-hound's voice?

1202CashYes, ’tis your brother.

1203MatchilGood captain, go with us upon discovery*.

1204HannahI’ll seat you to see all, and be unseen.

1205CamelionDo so, good Cock, do so.   [Aside to ERASMUS]   Now, sir, I’ll fetch the priest.[Exit CAMELION]*
HANNAH, HARDYMAN, MATCHIL, and LAFOY [conceal themselves]*
Enter STRIGOOD

1206StrigoodO gentlemen, you have lost such sport, the lady
        And merchant’s wife have been by th’ ears*.

1207CashCould not
        The old knight part ’em?

1208StrigoodHe has done his best,
        And almost lost his eyes in the adventure
        Betwixt the furies’ talons.

1209ErasmusBut are they friends again?

1210StrigoodAnd deep in compliment.*
        Our school affords no such in act or language.
Enter LADY NESTLECOCK and RACHEL

1211Lady NestlecockSister, indeed I am too much your trouble.

1212RachelPray, madam, let me serve you truly, truly.
        I’ll be your servant for a year and a day*.

1213Lady NestlecockIndeed, indeed, you wrong yourself, I am yours.

1214RachelI am your servant’s servant, and will serve
        Under your ladyship’s cook to do you service.

1215Lady NestlecockIndeed, you may not.

1216[Rachel]*If I may not be
        Accepted for your household servant, let me
        Become your charwoman in any office
        From cupboard to close-stool*. I can do all
        To do your ladyship service.

1217ValentineThis now savours* of compliment indeed.

1218RachelIn sooth, ’tis sooth, forsooth the tale I tell you*.
Enter NEHEMIAH

1219NehemiahWell acted, mother.

1220Lady NestlecockYou’re too obsequious,
        Good gentle sister.

1221RachelI am short of good;
        Gentle I grant I am, for I bite nobody.
        Command me then, sweet madam.

1222NehemiahAnd very well acted, Nant.

1223Lady NestlecockO, you shall pardon me.

1224RachelI am no pope*, for your sake would I were.

1225Lady NestlecockYour courtesy o’ercomes me.

1226RachelO, not so.
        I wish it could, forsooth, would it were better for you.

1227NehemiahExceeding well acted o’both sides,
        Mother and aunt, f’sooth; Amardla, you have done’t
        Better than the two schoolmistresses today
        Could do their whatsicomes, their compliments,
        I think you call ’em. But I ha’ lost my mistress
        To compliment withal.* Mistress Blith Tripshort
        Has out-striped* me, Amardla, that she has.

1228Lady NestlecockWhere’s her wise uncle should ha’ look’t to her?

1229NehemiahHe’s crying all about the house for her,
        But cannot find her. How shall I have her now?

1230Lady NestlecockThou shalt not have her, boy, she’s nought.

1231NehemiahThen he’s nought too. You shan’t have him.

1232Lady NestlecockNor will, I fear not.

1233NehemiahThink of the gentleman, mother, that outfaced
        The Frenchman for me. I would you had a thousand
        such in France now.

1234ValentineGod-a-mercy, boy.

1235ErasmusPeace, hear a little more.
Enter CAMELION

1236Camelion   [Aside to ERASMUS]   Sir, come away. I have found a careless curate*, that has nothing but a bare coat too loose*, shall chop it up presently. And give him but a piece, he’ll fear no cannon.*

1237Erasmus   [Aside to CAMELION]   I am bound to thee for ever.Exit CAMELION and ERASMUS

1238StrigoodWhither goes he?

1239ValentineNo matter, let him go; t’untruss*, perhaps.
Enter WHIMLBY and EPHRAIM

1240EphraimI say she is i’th house.

1241WhimlbyShe’s gone, she’s gone.

1242[Ephraim]*She’s flown out of a window, or chimneytop, then.
        I’m sure I watched the door with open eyes
        E’er since you entered, as my lady charged me,
        Lest her child might slip out to play i’ th’ street.

1243NehemiahAnd I am here, you see. He cannot see.*
        He has no more eyes than a sucking pig,
        And yet he weeps like a roasted one.

1244WhimlbyI am abused.
        And render me my niece,
        You have stolen her for your son.

1245Lady NestlecockMy son defies her,
        As I do you, old, whining, withered fellow,
        That has no moisture in him but for tears.*

1246Valentine   [Aside]   That is my cue.*   [Aloud to LADY NESTLECOCK]   A young, well-governed man
        Were fitter, madam.

1247RachelWhere have you been, servant?

1248ValentineI speak to my lady.

1249RachelMy lady, I think you said.
        Are you so stout, sir, ha?

1250Lady NestlecockI rather think he plays the cunning hypocrite
        With his false tears, and packed her hence himself.

1251RachelMy lady minds you not, and I can learn
        To give you a broadside* too.

1252EphraimMadam, that cannot be, for I have seen
        All that went out, or came into the house
        Since you. Here came a churchman in ere while.

1253WhimlbyA churchman! Then I fear she’s closely married unto her woe and mine.

1254NehemiahPerhaps to me.
        Behind my back you said she would do so.

1255[Ephraim]*And before him came in your brother Matchil.

1256Lady NestlecockMy brother! Who, her husband?

1257EphraimYes, with others.

1258RachelMy husband, I think you said. What a foul house these washing days make!*

1259ValentineNay, ’tis no jest. Now, ladies, let me tell you;
        And sad Sir Swithin. Pray lend all your ears.

1260Strigood   [Aside to CASH]   Cash, we are betrayed, Cash, if we be not nimble.
        I smell a fox, hie thee up quickly, Cash,
        And hurry down the wenches. We’ll make bold with*
        My lady’s coach to hurry us away.
MATCHIL, HARDYMAN, LAFOY, and HANNAH [reveal themselves]*

1261MatchilBut not too fast.   [To CASH]   Go, sir, fetch down the wenches.
           [To STRIGOOD]   Thou shameless reprobate. Dost thou hang thy head now?
        I’ll take a course to hang the rest o’thee.*
        Your ladyship's well met at the new school.
        So is your charwoman*. Ha’ you profited
        By the devil’s doctrine here? You weep, Sir Swithin,
        For the iniquity of the times?

1262NehemiahYou mean
        His niece. Pray, uncle, did you meet her?
        She’s gone away too, after my cousin Joyce
        And the French maid, I think.
Enter ERASMUS, BLITH, and CAMELION
        She is here again.
        Amardla, wipe your eyes, and look, Sir Swithin,
        The tother honest gentleman has found her.
        And let him take her for his pains for me.

1263ErasmusI thank your love. But sir, ’tis your consent
        We only seek*.

1264MatchilSir Swithin, let ’em have it;
        This is the gentleman I would have spoke for:*
        In birth, in means, in person every way
        Deserving her. Take him upon my word.

1265Hardyman   [To LADY NESTLECOCK]   And madam, since you stick but upon jointure,
        Having heard lately well of his husbandry–

1266Hannah   [Aside to VALENTINE]   Thank a good sister, sir.

1267HardymanI will secure you
        Three hundred pounds a year. Your brother knows me*.

1268Matchil’Will make good his word. Agree by yourselves.

1269Lady NestlecockUpon these terms, ’tis like we shall agree.
        Sir Swithin, are you pleased?

1270WhimlbyPleased or displeased,
        It seems they are married.

1271CamelionYes, I assure you,
        I saw their hands joined, and I heard ’em both
        Answer the priest.*

1272WhimlbyI will no longer whine.
        Heaven give you joy. As you’re your own, you’re mine.

1273CamelionThere are more weddings i’th’ house. Your daughters
        Are linked by this time to the two young Frenchmen.

1274MatchilHis daughters? Ours, I fear! What French? Where are they?
Enter CASH, [PAPILLION, GALLIARD]*, JOYCE, and GABRIELLA

1275CashHere, sir, undone, I fear.

1276MatchilWhat, are you married?

1277[Papillion]*Sir, she is mine, I must and will maintain it.

1278[Galliard]*And she is mine.

1279LafoyThis is your son. And this is mine.

1280MatchilThis is your daughter. And this mine. Each married to her brother.

1281[Galliard]Mon père, je desire votre benediction
        pour moi et ma femme.*

1282LafoyYou are lost children all. Was ever thread
        By fate so crossly spun, so crossly wed*?

1283MatchilI know not how to bless you, or to look
        On your incestuous eyes.

1284[Galliard]What is dat incest?
        We have commit noting*, we have no time,
        Since we were marry for so much as kiss,
        Begar, no point so much as but one kiss.

1285HardymanBe not dismayed. These marriages are none.
        The error of the persons nullifies
        The verbal ceremony; and ’tis well
        They passed not unto further rites.* I’ll find
        A lawful way to clear all this. And then,
        As you and they consent, they shall exchange*
        And marry in due order.

1286[Galliard]Sir, I tanck you.
        You’ave speak very well. And we shall make
        De exshange presently. A new exchange,
        De new Exshange indeed, for de husbands
        To shange the wifes before they can be weary.
        Prenez, mon frère, la voici, l’une pour l’autre.*
        Dere, is one for anoder.

1287HardymanIs each party
        Agreed, and so content?


1289[Joyce]And we.

1290[Galliard]Oui, oui, je suis tres bien content.*

1291[Papillion]Provided that we have our fathers’ leaves
        and counsels.

1292MatchilCan you seek fathers’ leaves or counsels now,
        That have run from ’em in your disobedience,
        Into the snares of hell too far, I fear,
        To be released?   [MATCHIL turns on STRIGOOD]   O hell-bred villain.

1293StrigoodYour brother o’ one side.*

1294[Papillion]Lend but a patient ear,
        And by my hopes of your desired pardon
        I’ll quit you of your fear. ’Tis true, my duty
        At my arrival should have winged me to you,
        But hearing of your late, ill-talked on marriage –

1295MatchilO that root of mischief!

1296[Papillion]*And of my sister’s flight, as loth to appear to you
        As to presume a welcome, I was curious
        First to observe the town, and taste the news;
        When, more by providence than accident,
        Here we made choice of lodging, saw and liked
        The practices of the society,
        Until this wicked man – who still presumes
        To call you brother – finding us youthful strangers,
        And, as he might suppose, wanton –

1297MatchilHe made
        A bargain with you for their maidenheads.
        Cash* told me that, and how that hellish purpose
        Was virtuously declined.

1298StrigoodO counterfeit Cash*.

1299MatchilBut must you therefore, knowing whose sons you were,
        Marry you knew not whom?

1300[Papillion]Pardon me, sir.
        Our loves were noble, and by due enquiry,
        Fetched from each other’s faithful breast, the knowledge
        Of each other.

1301MatchilWhat! And marry then
        Each his own sister? Riddle me not to death.

1302[Papillion]Sir, I have done. And now that I have said
        The worst that might have happened by his practice,
        To make his shame or his repentance greater,
        Who only was my aim: we are not married,
        None of us all are married one to other.

1303CamelionNo, I assure you, sir. Howe’er I lied
        At their request – small matter for a friend –
        I saw all the hurt the priest did here today.
        That was upon them two there.

1304ErasmusThank you, sir.

1305MatchilYou shall be then*. And so take hands in earnest.
        Is’t not a double match*, Lafoy?

1306LafoyWithout
        All manner of condition, I consent.

1307MatchilI am full of joy.

1308CashO, can you pardon me, sir?

1309MatchilGood boy, good boy. I know not how a city
        Could stand without such prentices,* and hope
        This wants few such. But what canst thou now say,
        Brother o’one side, for thyself? Speak quickly,
        While the good humour holds me to be friends
        With all the world – yet yonder’s one* lies heavy
        Athwart my stomach.

1310StrigoodYou’re full of joy, you say,
        And I say, had it been within my power
        To have broke your heart, I had done ’t. Therefore in me
        Be comforted and love me; for I find
        I have no power to hurt you, and will therefore
        Attempt no further.

1311MatchilBrotherly spoke, in troth,
        And worthily worth an hundred mark a month*.
        Shall ha’t.

1312StrigoodKnow then, into the bargain, that
        I forged the letter that suggested to you
        My nephew’s death, in hope of means that way.

1313MatchilHonestly said again.   [To RACHEL]   Now, what say you?
[RACHEL falls to her knees]

1314RachelI say that I am humbled on my knees.
        I beg your pardon.

1315MatchilAll’s too well, methinks*.
        But hark, before you break up school*, let’s have
        One frisk, one fling now, one careering dance,
        And then pack up.


1317StrigoodPlay then Les tous ensembles*.

1318NehemiahThat’s the French name on’t, uncle, ’tis in Dutch called All-to-mall*; and I call it in English.
        Omnium Gatherum*, ’tis the daintiest dance.
        We had it here today. I and my mother,
        My aunt and all can dance in’t, as well as the best,
        With everyone in their own footing*. Now observe.
Dance.

1319MatchilYou have done well. Now pray, let’s break up
        school.

1320HardymanBut yet not break up house. My son and daughter*
        Have given me power to call their supper mine.
        To which I’ll give you welcome, ale and wine.


       Deus dedit his quoque finem, laus Deo.*

FINIS.

Edited by Michael Leslie