ACT II. SCENE I.
Alicia, Lady, Servingman, Prentice.
Al.ALL Cheape-ſide, and Lombard-ſtreete Madam,
could not have furniſh’d you with a more com-
pleat bargaine, you will find it in the wearing, and thanke
me both for the goodneſſe of the ſtuffe, and of the Manu-
La.But now the price Miſtris
Saleware. I grant your
Commodity is good, The Gold and Silver Laces, and
the Frienges are rich, and I hope well wrought. Has your
Man made a note of the particulars, and their prices, at
C 2the
A mad Couple well Match’d.
the rate of ready-money
(for I buy ſo) and not as you
would booke’em to an under-ag’d heire, or a Court-
Cavalier to expect payment two or three yeares hence;
and finde it perhaps never. I come with
Here is one for
Al.I know your Ladiſhips payment ſuch; And they are
priz’d ſo Madam to a farthing.
La.Let mee ſee, broad plate Silver and Gold-lace,
206 Ounces halfe, and a dram, at five and ten pence the
Ounce. 60 l. 5 s. 3 d.
ob. 4. five and ten pence an Ounce
Al.I proteſt unto you Madam that parcell of Lace for
a Bed as you intend it, was beſpoken, and agreed for at
ſix ſhillings the Ounce by a very great perſon: but be-
cauſe ready money came not to fetch it off, Fortune re-
ſerv’d it here for you, you could not have been ſo fitted
on the ſodaine elſe within
London walls; and I am glad
the ſame fortune was ſo favourable to me, as by my hands
to deſigne it for your Ladiſhips uſe and pleaſure. I hope
Madam we ſhal hear of a young heir a comming ſhortly,
and that will make it a rich and fortunate Bed indeed;
And then Sir
Olyver would thanke me too.
La.What a bold ſlut it is, well then the reſt of the
particulars here of Laces, and Frienges, Loopes, and
Buttons, makes the ſum of all an hundred pound eight
ſhillings foure pence, halfe-penny. I am no good Arith-
metician, but if any be overcaſt, and overpaid, you muſt
La.Is all put up into this Box?
La.Give mee my Purſe. Take you home that while I
make payment for it; your Gold-weights Miſtris
Sale-
Al.Here Madam all in readineſſe.
[C2v]La.
A mad Couple well Match’d.
La.You take no Gold but what is weight I preſume.
Al.’Tis but light paines to weigh it Madam. But let me
ſave your Ladiſhip that labour.
La.Nor ſhall it be your trouble, command your Ser-
vant I pray for a glaſſe of your beere—
Al.Some beere for my Lady preſently.
Exit. Prentice.
La.That I may tell you in more privacy, what per-
haps you would not have him heare: for Prentiſes though
they are bound to keepe their Maſters ſecrets, are not
all privy to their Miſtreſſes; that’s more a Journeymans
Al.Your Ladiſhip is pleas’d.
La.Not very well with my ſelfe, for I have gone be-
yond my Commiſſion in this bargaine, and exceeded my
Huſbands allowance. Here’s one hundred pounds eight
ſhillings 4 d.
ob. in the Bill, and he allowes me but the bare
Al.The od money is but a ſmall matter Madam.
LaA great matter in an honeſt poore Countrey La-
dies purſe, may ſerve her a whole Chriſtmas at Poſt and
Pare, or Farthing gleeke, when the gay Gamſters wives
o’the City may command the hundreds, out of the pur-
ſes of ſuch poore Ladies Huſbands. But here is the odd
money, eight ſhillings foure pence, half penny, and ſo all’s
Al.What meanes your Ladiſhip?
La.Doe you not underſtand mee then
? I’le tell you
that which I thought fit to conceale from your ſervant;
And from your huſband too had hee been here, perhaps
he knowes not on’t. My huſband left with you, or lent
you the laſt Terme a hundred pound, which hee aſſign’d
to me; and now I have it in Commodity. Had you for-
got it, when it was to do you a good turne, when your
abſent huſband faild you, and you wanted it.
C 3La.
A mad Couple well Match’d.
La.Yes, was it not to have the free uſe of a hundred
pound ready money, a whole quarter of a yeare, through
a dead Vacation, and at laſt to take it out in wares? A
good turne I thinke for a Trades-woman; take heed you
do not by your ſullenneſſe make me ſuſpect another kind
of good turne, or that you did my huſband any to my
injury, nor deny the receipt of his money, leſt I take up
a violence that will not become mee, nor you be able to
beare. Be therefore well advis’d both in what you ſay,
and who heares me. Somebody comes.
Enter Prentice with Beere.
La.I’le pledge you Miſtris
Saleware.
Al.I ſhall preſume then Madam—
Drinks.
La.This was right caſt, was it not friend?
Pre.Your Ladyſhip will finde it ſo—
La. Drinks.
Al.And I hope you will finde your money ſo well
beſtowd Madam, that you will vouchſafe always to know
La.Ever upon the like occaſion, Miſtris
Saleware, ſo
moſt kindly farwell ſweet Miſtris
Saleware.
Al.The humbleſt of your ſervants Madam. Open the
La.’Tis done my Coach-man does it.
Exit.
Al.I would the Devill were in your Coachmans Coat
to take his carriage for his paines.
Lady returnes.
La.One word more Miſtris
Saleware, can it be he
?
Al.Lay your comands on me good Madam.
Curtſie.
La.Not to your trouble, I perceive a young Gentle-
man attends for conference with you. Is not his name
Al.No Madam, his name is
Bellamie, much depend-
ing on the young Lord
Lovely.
La.I thought I had known him, hee is a handſome
youth. I cannot blame you now with him: but beware
[C3v]of
A mad Couple well Match’d.
of old Knights that have young Ladies of their owne.
Once more adieu ſweet Miſtris
Saleware.
Exit.
Al.Moſt courteous Madam– – – –and once more to the
Devill. But on my life her chaſt Ladiſhip is taken with
this beard-leſſe
Bellamie. How ſhee ſhot eyes at
Bel.Now may your ſervant obtaine a hearing
Al.My eares are open Sir.
Bel.But you are ſad or angry, why ſeemes that brow
to threaten a ſubjection over him that is your vanquiſh’d
captive; or has
Cupid plac’d his Bow there bent at me,
whoſe heart already lodges all his Arrowes, never to be
reſtor’d but by your pity?
Al.Fie, fie upon’t
! what talke is this
? I am vex’d, and
Bel.What has diſpleas’d you?
Al.A croſſe buſineſſe that has happened in my Shop
to day, I being none of the wiſeſt Chapwoman, have un-
derſold a parcell of the beſt Commodities my huſband
had. And ſhould hee know’t wee ſhould have ſuch a
Bel.Huſbands ſhould be ſo ſerv’d that do impoſe
Thoſe mercenary Offices on their wives.
Al.Talke ſo, and I will heare you, your amorous notes
ſound like Play-ſpeeches.
Bel.Servile, nay ſlaviſh Offices, ranking their wives
Al.They pretend onely that wee ſhould over-looke
our ſervants, when they but ſet us there for ſhew to draw
in cuſtome : but in making us ſuch over-ſeers they are
overſeene themſelves; Shopkeepers-wives will be med-
ling and dealing in their kinde, and as they are able, as wel
as their huſbands
( ſome much better, and more profit-
able
) but I was overreach’d I confeſſe.
C 4Bel.
A mad Couple well Match’d.
Bel.For no great matter I hope.
Al.No, the matter was not much
(that never fretted
me) but the manner has eene kild a Shee ſhop-keeper.
I cannot be long-liv’d, here under a Pent-houſe, as my
Lord (you know) told mee when he ſaid he would ſhut
mee out of this ſervitude, and that I ſhould change my
Coat, though my huſband could not, before hee were an
Alderman, and be rank’d with Ladies.
Bel.My Lord has ſtill the ſame regard of you.
Al.So it appeares by the Tailor and the Mercer, whom
he ſent foure dayes ſince to meaſure me out, and ſute mee
to his Honour, and no returne of them found, yet his
Land might ha’ beene meaſur’d all and ſold, while a
poore ſute is dreampt on, had he borne the mind of ſome
Bel.I doubt not but this paper will cleare that jea-
louſie. And while you reade I’le ſpeake that which I
dare not utter through, Sighes and Bluſhes to an intire
I am of Noble-blood my ſelfe, free-borne,
And not without good education;
But ſince I am ingag’d in this imployment,
And made an inſtrument of others luſt,
I finde my ſelfe a ſcandall to my Name,
To Honour, and to Vertue, the baſe blot
Of Pandare ſticking on me. But not this
Alone is my affliction. Here’s my torment,
That while I doe true ſervice to my Lord
(Whom I muſt ever honour) in my Agency
Unto your ſelfe (whom I cannot but love
)
I finde my ſelfe a Traytor to his truſt,
In my negotiation for my ſelfe.
Nor can I finde it poſſible to deſiſt,
Mine own attempts, to you, or forbeare to urge
[C4v]Al.
A mad Couple well Match’d.
’Twere for one woman to ſupply ’em both,
And hold her huſband play to levell Acoile,
A wooden two-leav’d booke, a paire of Tables
Bel.How wretched is that ſuppliant, who muſt make
Sute to obtaine that, which he feares to take!
Al.At the beare at the Bridge-foot ſix a clock, good.
Sir, I finde my Lords honorable appointments here, and
have heard you all this while.
Bel.Now I could wiſh, and was in hope you had
Al.I will not blame you on your Lords behalfe;
Becauſe you have enough rebuk’d your ſelfe.
But Sir, if you preſume upon the favour
I give your Lord, and therefore to obtaine me,
Cauſe I am his, you undervalue me
To thinke that I can ſtoop unto his ſervant,
Though almoſt his Companion, you may thinke
After that degradation by degrees,
I may, in time, deſcend unto his Footman, I’me no caſt
Garment of his Lordſhips yet.
Bel.You have ſchool’d mee fairely, I am humbled,
Al.Dee heare, dee heare ſir, Mr.
Bellamine,
Pren.What would hee buy Miſtris? can you take his
Al.Pray attend you the tother end o’ th’ Shop,
If I cannot handle a Cuſtomer, why dos your Maſter
truſt mee
? Could a frowne fright you? Let a ſmile then
Bel.And that’s a heavenly one,
As that of
Cynthia at
Endymion.
[C5]Al.
A mad Couple well Match’d.
Al.Pray leave your Player-like paſſionate expreſſions
And if you love mee, like a Man ſpeake to me.
As I am a Woman; are you ſilent
? if you doubt the
length of my mans Eares at that diſtance, you may whis-
per what ſo? But that is a right ſhop-whiſper indeed
with Trades-women that are handſome; Is that the
moſt you will give ſir? Could I afford it ſo, doe you
thinke I’d make two words w’ye? yet this before you
goe—
Kiſſe. Now match it for the price I’le give it
Bel.I ſhall forget I have a Lord. I muſt forget him
Al.Doe ſo, and if ( I ſay ) you love mee, ſpeake
plainely what you would have mee doe, or what you
would doe with mee (I love to dant theſe young things
that love before they can love to the purpoſe, or ſpeake
to’t handſomely like a Boy that would faine be ſhoot-
ing at wild-fowle, before hee knowes how to diſcharge
a Birding-piece) I would heare you ſpeake, you have
often muttered and fribled ſome intentions towards me,
but I would heare you ſpeake. Come, if you love me lay
by the feare of the Lord that ſent you, and tell me round-
ly now, what you would have me doe
?
Bel.That you would be pleas’d—
Al.With what
? or to doe what?
Bel.To weare this paire of Silke ſtockins for me.
Al.Is that all your ſute, ’tis granted, with my thanks
to you; Have you no more to ſay?
Bel.Yes, I ſay you are the beautifull’ſt of Women;
and that my Lord in your enjoyment is the hap-
Al.Nay thinke not of your Lord, but aſke me, ſome-
[C5v]Bel.
A mad Couple well Match’d.
Bel.I would but dare not hope for ſuch a favour,
you’l never grant it, my unworthineſſe.
Bel.You will not wrong my Lord, ſo as to doe it.
Al.Not in his ſight perhaps. What is it? come.
Al.It is then, let it be ſo. Go to Schoole child.
Bel.It is—That you would, let me– – –give you this ring,
And grace it with your Finger.
Al.Will that be a wrong to your Lord?
Bel.Yes, to weare any favours, but his own.
Bel.No, nor I would not that he ſhould (and given by
me) for all the Rubies in Cheapſide, where I bought this
Al.Come ſir, I’le dally w’ye no longer, I know what
Bel.And now you will betray me: I am ſham’d then
Al.No, but I have you o’ the hip. ’Tis plaine you
would lie with me: deny it if you can.
Bel.O deare, did I ſay ſo now?
Al.What need you when I know it, you would lie
with me, and you ſhall. Take courage man.
Bel.But, in good earneſt, ſhall I
? ſhall I
?
Al.Yes, in good earneſt, you’l finde it no trifling
buſineſſe, when you come to’t once. But ſir, upon con-
Al.All purpoſe on’t is loſt, and all comes out elſe.
Bel.Name your condition, I’le performe it if it be in
Al.You ſaw here at your comming a faire Lady.
Bel.I tooke no notice of her.
Al.But ſhe did of you, ſhe is calld the Lady
Thrivewell.
[C6]Bel.
A mad Couple well Match’d.
Bel.Sir
Oliver Thrivewells Lady
?
Al.The ſame, you have known her it ſeemes.
Bel.Seene her before ſhee was married.
Al.I will be briefe with you, as you love mee ſhee
loves you as eagerly, but with much more boldneſſe, you
ſaw her whiſper mee, and how loth ſhee was to depart,
when her eye was upon you.
Al.Shee is my noble friend, and the ſweeteſt Lady.
I need not ſet her out. But though you thinke you ſuffer
in your honour, in being an inſtrument twixt your Lord
and mee, with the baſe blot of Pander ſticking on you,
( theſe were your words
) I have ingag’d my ſelfe for
her to be your Pandareſſe; be ſo, I ſhall be even with you
in buſineſſe if you account it ſo.
Bel.What dee meane Lady
?
Al.To urge againſt my ſelfe, for that ſweete Lady,
which no Woman elſe I thinke would doe, that loves
you ſo unfainedly as I. But ’tis my fate, and the injuncti-
on I muſt lay upon you, to make mee yours. That firſt
you give your ſelfe to her Embraces; I’le give you means
for your acceſſe to her, and your ſucceſſe with her,
which done, and on your faith affirm’d to mee, ’tis ſo,
I will perpetually bee yours more freely then your
Bel.You urge this but to try my conſtancy.
Al.For that I’le ſatiſfie you ſoon, my huſband coming
we muſt to night at the Beare—
Enter Saleware.
Sal.And there I will direct you in your progreſſe.
Ally how doſt
? Mr.
Bellamy how iſt
? How dos my
noble Lord? You are ſad methinks. Ha’ you overbought
any thing here, and ſo repent your bargaine
? Or cannot
my wife, and you agree upon’t? you muſt uſe Mr.
Bellamy
[C6v]kindly
A mad Couple well Match’d.
kindly my ſweet
Ally : hee is our nobleſt Lords moſt ſpe-
ciall favorite, and muſt finde all faire dealing here, as
well when I am abroad as at home ſweet heart.
Bel.You heare not mee complaine ſir, fare you
Sal.What an Aſſinego’s this! He might ha’ thank’d
mee for my good words, though I meant him no good
will, I hope thou haſt overreach’d him indeed.
Al.Thomas your hopes are vaine,
Thomas in ſeating
mee here to overreach, or underreach any body. I am
weary of this Mechanick courſe
Thomas; and of this
courſer habit, as I have told you divers and ſundry times
Thomas, and indeed of you
Thomas that confine me to’t,
Sal.Never the ſooner for a haſty word, I hope ſweete
Ally; Not of me nor of my ſhop I prethee at ſeaſonable
times Love. But for thy habit
(though this be decent on
a Citizens wife) uſe thine owne fancy, let it be as
Courtly, or as Lady-like as thou pleaſeſt, or my Lords
Al.Then I am friends agen.
Sal.Troth, and I’le call thee friend, and I prethee, let
that be our familiar and common compellation: friend
it will ſound daintily, eſpecially when thou ſhalt appeare
too gallant to be my Wife.
Al.Then let it be ſo friend.
Sal.Intruth it ſhall, and I am very much taken with
it. Friend I have found a Cuſtomer to day that will
take off my rich parcell of broad Bed-lace, that my
Lord
Paylate beſpoke, and left on my hands, for lack of
Al.I have ſold it already friend, with other Laces at
Sal.And all for ready money friend?
Al.Yes friend, a hundred pounds, and ſomewhat more.
[C7]Sal.
A mad Couple well Match’d.
Sal.Who would be, or who could live without ſuch
a friend, in ſuch a ſhop? This money comes ſo pat for a
preſent occaſion, to ſtop a gap. It has ſtopt a gap already
Al.I have diſpos’d of the money, the odd hundred
pound for apparrell, friend, and other accommodations
Sal.Never the ſooner for a haſty word I hope
Al.I have done it friend, whereby to appeare more
Courtly, and Ladilike as you ſay, to gaine you more cu-
Sal.Uuch friend—Is it ſo?
Al.And friend you muſt not be angry, or thinke much
of it, if you reſpect your profit friend.
Sal.I were no friend but a wretch if I would. No let
it goe friend, and—
Sapientia mea mihi is my word, I
muſt not grudge at my friend in any thing.
Al.Then friend, let your ſhop be your own care for
the reſt of this day, I have ſome buſines abroad.
Sal.Whither ſweet friend?
Al.Is that a friendly queſtion
?
Sal.I am corrected friend, but will you not take a
Al.To watch me, ſhall I? and give you account of my
actions
? was that ſpoke like a friend?
Sal.I am agen corrected friend,
Doe your own pleaſure, you’l returne to ſupper.
Sal.And agen, I am corrected friend:
Al.Neither to ſupper, nor to bed perhaps.
Sal.Never the ſooner for a haſty word I hope.
Al.But if I chance to ſtay, you cannot be a faithfull
friend and aſke mee where, or in what company, friend-
ſhip you know allowes all liberty.
Exit.
[C7v]Sal.
A mad Couple well Match’d.
Sal.Sapientia mea mihi. A wity wife, with an im-
Being croſt, findes meanes to croſſe her Huſband ſtill;
And Tradeſmen that ſo match, muſt not with Gall
Temper their wives, but ſweetly by wit-all.
Exit.
Enter Careleſſe, with two Letters in his hand, and Wat
with a Candle, and Wax
Car.Dos not the World come finely on,
Wat, ha?
And have not wee convenient commings in already,
Wat.Better then wee know how to have payd, for
Car.I need no more inſconſing now in
Ram-alley,
nor the Sanctuary of
White-fryers, the Forts of
Fullers-
rents, and
Milford-lane, whoſe walls are dayly batter’d
with the curſes of bawling creditors. My debts are payd;
and here’s a ſtock remayning of Gold, pure Gold harke
how ſweetly it chincks.
Carleſs ſeals his Letters.
Wat.Yes, and ’twill ring the changes ſhortly.
Car.For neceſſaries
Wat, for neceſſaries it ſhall change,
and Ring all out, and ’twil ſo long as I have an Unkle, and
know to mannage him, let money flie,
I can no faſter ſpend then he ſupply.
Wat.For neceſſaries ſir, but you muſt not now count Sack
and Tobacco, Whores and Fidlers in abundance, neces-
Wat.Becauſe you’l have but little then for extraor-
dinaries, That is to ſay in a Gentleman for charitable, and
Car.The fellow’s ſpoy’ld.
Wat.Not ſpoy’ld neither: For I would but wave your
purpoſe of flying at all new Game, and neglect your
poore whore, who now begins to be ſo violent for
[C8]wrongs
A mad Couple well Match’d.
wrongs, ſhee can no longer beare, that ſhee intends to
purſue you with her complaints hither to your Unkles
Car.My Unkles houſe? my houſe. Is not the firſt Mor-
Wat.With great reaſon, for you are firſt dry in the
Car.Is not the queſtion firſt aſk’d mee, what will you
have to breakfaſt
? what will pleaſe you for Dinner,
and what for Supper? Has not my Unkle let out mo-
nies, and taken Bonds and Morgages in my name? doe
not his Tenants crowch to mee, and his ſervants all call
me young Maſter? And dos not my Unkle take care to
marry mee to ten thouſand pound, and a thing like a
Wat.You have got a brave poſſeſſion here, I muſt
needs ſay; and I applaud your fortune moſt in this, that
your young Aunt the noble Lady here, who you ſee
feard would prove a cruell Stepdame to you, appeares
to be more friend to you then your Unkle. ’Tis a moſt
gracious Sun-ſhine in her.
Car.Shee ſhall loſe nothing by’t. I have thought a
Wat.But ſir, for Miſtris
Phebe, will you take no or-
Car.I do not like your zealous ſolicitation, but her’s
an order for her, in anſwer of her Malipert Letter you
brought me laſt night. Give it her, and theſe five pieces,
upon condition that ſhee never come, write, or ſend to
me againe, till I ſend to her.
Wat.That’s ſomewhat hard Sir.
Car.Nay look you
Wat, you are a little miſtaken in
me. I muſt give over whoring, for ſpeciall cauſes there
Wat.O now I finde you. And ’twere richly worth
[C8v]your
A mad Couple well Match’d.
your patience, if you could winne the Widow by’t, for
whom you ſtood in faire election once, untill your laſt
Car.I ſhall ſtand fairer for her ſir, when I leave wor-
king but a weeke or two, ſhall I not?
Wat.Yes, if you leave it quite, but to forſake her
whom you have brought low, to fall to others, were ſuch
Car.Well ſir, it may be I will, it may be I wo’nt, what’s
that to you? carry you the Letter, and the Money, and try
how that will worke with her.
Wat.I’le doe my beſt, but if ſhee ſhould exclaime,
and bring on her Coſen Mr.
Saleware to bee clamo-
Car.Her Cozen’s a Cuckold, exclaime and clamorous!
Wat.Nay I am gone ſir.
Exit.
Enter Saveall.
Car.The Rogue’s in faction with ’em; O noble
Mr.
Saveall, you have moſt fairely kept your minute with
me, I have written my Letter, ſeald it and all, here to the
Sav.So early? that is well.
Car.I have written no leſſe then ſix large Epiſtles
this morning, and ſent’em now by my Man to be con-
vey’d into the Country to Lords and Knights, with all
the news ſpirituall, and temporall, forraine and dome-
ſtick that could poſſibly fall into a private Gentlemans
Car.With ſuch dexterity, that if I would make a
Trade on’t, I could undoe all the Newes-mongers in
Sav.It is a moſt commendable practiſe in a Gentle-
man, and it will mature your judgement in the both
DCommon-
A mad Couple well Match’d.
Common-wealth and State affaires, and in ſhort time in-
vite you unto the chaire of
Helme.
Car.When I am once married, and ſetled, you ſhall
ſee what an aſſe ’tis, he believes me.
Sav.How am I comforted in my Meditation for you,
and how over-joy’d will your Unkle be at the uſe you
make of your retirements!
Car.I confeſſe it is (by reaſon of my unwontedneſſe
to it
) ſome difficulty for me to write to women; where-
fore ſince you have ſo nobly undertaken the conveyance
of this, let me beſeech you to apologize for the rudenes
Sav.To the faire hands of the moſt acompliſh’d in ver-
tue Miſtris Anne Croſtill,
preſent, I pray with my ſervice;
The out-ſide hath no rudeneſſe on it, and
( I doubt it
not
) ſhee ſhall finde within all ſweeteneſſe and ur-
Car.As you may interpret it to her ſir.
Sav.Sir, what I have already ſaid, and do intend to
ſay unto her from your Unkle, and my ſelfe on your be-
halfe, together with what you have here written, ſhall
(I doubt it not) prepare ſo faire a way of proceeding for
you; That at your viſit of her you may ſay,
veni,
vidi,
vici,
Car.And then——a ha, Mr.
Saveall!
Sa.Expect your fortune modeſtly, and when it comes
embrace it with diſcretion.
Sa.It is well if you be ſo; I will put my undertaking
in action preſently, Pray for my good ſucceſſe.
Car.I dare not tell him now I cannot; but I wiſh well
for the Monies ſake; and let the Vintners pray, and all
the decay’d Sparks about the Towne, whom I will raiſe
out of aſhes into flame againe. Let them pray for my
good wokes. O my young Lady aunts grave waiting
[D1v]Woman.
A mad Couple well Match’d.
Woman. If ſhee were not hers, and out of this
houſe I ſhould take her for a Bawd now. But being
hers, and here how much may I miſtake
? all fleſh is
Enter Nurſe with Caudle cup.
Nur.Not to diſturbe your morning Meditations, my
Car.And you have brought me, what ſweet Miſtris
Nur.A part of her Ladiſhips own breakfaſt, it is very
cordiall and comfortable to the ſpirits, I aſſure you,
and delectable to the younger ſort, and profitable to
Car.One of
Robert Greenes workes, or the mad
Doctor that preaches boyld in’t I thinke.
Nur.’Tis a compoſition of mine owne Sir, of many
excellent decoctions, of moſt wholeſome reſtorative, and
Car.That it was ſent by her makes it more excel-
lent, whoſe bounteous care of me, I muſt acknowledge
exceeds all coſt in carving to me, and countenancing me
at her Table, in gracing me in preſence of the Ladies
that come to viſit her; in giving charge for decency in
all things for my Chamber, my fires ſhining, my odours
burning, my livery ſerv’d in, my ſoft and coſtly bed pre-
par’d and ſpread with perfum’d linnen– – – –here’s Amber-
Nur.O is it ſo, doe you finde that?
Car.But though ſhee is my own Unkles wife, I could
e’ne ſay ’tis pity a young man had her not.
Car.Shee is a moſt ſweet Lady.
Nur.Shee is a ſweete Lady indeed, I can beſt ſpeake
D 2it
A mad Couple well Match’d.
it that have knowne her from the wombe hitherto: A
ſweete infant ſhee was borne, and a ſweete babe I ſwad-
led it, and a ſweete child I nurs’d it, I traynd it up a
ſweete child. It was in manners a ſweet child, at her
Booke and Sample a ſweet child. I never whipt it but
once, and then it was ſweete too, and ſprawl’d but a
little, and whimper’d but a little it was ſo ſweet a child;
And ſo ſhee grew upwards, and upwards towards wo-
man, and a ſweet youngling ſhee was, and ſo grew up-
wards and upwards towards man, and then a ſweete
Bride ſhee was, and now a moſt ſweet Lady ſhee is,
(as you ſay, and I commend you for it) And ſo ſhe ſtands
at a ſtay. For now ſhee growes no more upwards then
upon her Wedding day, not upwards as I would have
her upwards, here I meane young Gentlemen, could I
but ſee a ſweet babe of hers once by my Maſter, I could
be then content to ſleep with my Anceſtors.
Car.I had rather ſee your Gibſhip hang’d up with
Polcatts in a Warren, and your ſweet Lady with you,
though I confeſſe that were ſome pitty. I hope her bar-
renneſſe, or his will preſerve her from my curſe.
Nur.I hope ſtill, and ſhee hopes ſtill; and I make
him of this broth for every morning, and many other
good ſtrengthning things
( I cannot ſay for the ſame
purpoſe ) for I ſhall never ſee him have an heire by
Car.Excellent! that’s beſt of all.
Nur.Becauſe you then are heire, ſay you ſo? Is that
Car.No I proteſt
Nurſe, I meant by the broth, the
bottome was the beſt of all.
Car.Cannot all thy art, and her coſt finde helpe for
my Unkle, think’ſt thou, to get a child?
Nur.Helpe! what dee meane. He might have helpe
[D2v]and
A mad Couple well Match’d.
and helpes enough, were ſhe not too vertuous.
Car.Still thou miſtak’ſt me
Nurſe.
Nur.Away wag away, your Aunt loves you too well
Car.Nurſe as I hope to inherit any thing here-
Nur.I ſhould but ſerve you well to tell her your
Car.Nurſe, by this good——peece I thinke no
Car.Take it I ſay. And tell her if thou wilt, that I
love her ſo well, that were ſhee not mine Unkles
wife, I would get her an heire my ſelfe rather then be
Nur.Kinde young Maſter, now I am heartily ſorry
Car.And for my Unkle were I his heire apparent, I
rather wiſh he might live till all this World were weary
Then I ſurvive him (Tonuge, a pox puniſh you for lying)
Now I live well, and merily good
Nurſe,
Wealth and Eſtates, bring cares and troubles with’em,
Were all young heires of my contented mind,
Parents and Patrons would be better prayd for.
Nurſe Cloſet.
Lady within ——
Cloſet——
Car.Preſent my thanks and beſt reſpects unto her.
Nur.I ſhould ha’ told you firſt– – – –I ha’ forgot. My
Car.What member haſt thou good then
?
Nur.My Lady deſires you—This talke has put me
out—O this head! My Lady deſires you—
Car.Deſires ſhee me
Nurſe?
D 3Nur.
A mad Couple well Match’d.
Nur.Yes ſir, ſhee deſires you.
Car.Refuſe me if I deſire not her as much, for all ſhe
Car.And ſhee ſhall have me
Nurſe——And ſhe were
ten Unkles wives, and ſhe ten of mine Aunts.
Nur.O this head! nay now you will not heare
mee, ſhee deſires you to goe abroad in the Coach
Car.Any whither, to
Iſlington,
Newington,
Pading-
ton,
Kenſington, or any of the City out-leaps (I know’em
all
) for a ſpirt and back againe, tell her I am up and
ready for her, and could ha’ been without her ſtirrup
porredge, though I thanke her for her care. A man can
not be too well prepar’d, or provided for ſo ſweete a
Lady, in ſo much diſtreſſe. A very
Andromeda, chain’d
to a Rock.
Takes up his Cloak & Sword.
Nur.What’s this you ſay? I underſtand no word of it,
I would take your anſwer right, though I falter’d in my
Car.The Devills in this overruning Tongue of mine,
I could finde in my heart to worme him out with my
Nur.What muſt I tell my Lady Sir?
Car.That I am more oblig’d to her Ladiſhip then I
was to my Mother, ſhee has brought mee a new man
into the World, and that my Being and my Life is
Enter Lady.
La.I hope hee’s a true convertite, did I ſend you to
hold diſcourſe here Cloſet?
Nur.Nor did I Madam, but
I could heare this Gentle-
man a whole day methinks. Hee ſpeakes ſo acknow-
ledgingly of your Ladiſhips vertue, and goodneſſe to-
[D3v]La.
A mad Couple well Match’d.
La.I am beholding to him, will you goe with mee
Nephew to the Exchange
?I am to buy ſome toyes there
for the Country, you may get a fancy by’t.
Car.Good, I muſt weare her favours.
La.Or cannot you forbeare your ſtudy ſo long?
Car.To doe you ſervice Madam, under whoſe com-
mands I build my happineſſe.
La.Be not at the diſtance of complement with mee
Car.I would not be thought inſolent deare Madam.
La.Come the Coachman grumbles at my ſtay, and
’twill be Dinner-time preſently, ſo the Cooke will be an-
Car.You are all tenderneſſe to your ſervants Ma-
Nur.A ſweete Gentleman, and bountifull, if my
Lady had been bleſt with ſuch a Huſband, what a place
