A mad Couple well Match’d.
ACT IV. SCENE I.
Enter Lord Lovely, Crostill, Bellamy.
Lo.LAdy, ’tis true hee is a baſhfull Lover,
Unſkill’d to court a Widow, has not yet,
The Act methodicall to ſweare he loves you,
Muſt and will have you, nor the moving boldneſſe
To ſtirre your blood by putting of you to’t,
Or ſhewing you how tis, before the Prieſt
Declares it lawfull. But he has love and ſweetneſſe,
Which you will find with full and rich content;
And look
(look here
) what a long, middle finger he has,
Which with thin Jawes, and Roman Noſe,
Are never fayling ſignes of Widowes joyes.
Croſ.Your Lordſhip is diſpos’d to mirth;
My care to put you in a courſe of mirth,
Croſ.In marrying of that ſtripling!
Lo.Do not thinke ſlightly of him, tho’he appeares
Modeſt and baſhfully, if
I have any judgement,
Hee’s a fit match for you. His outward fortune
For his eſtate,
I will make good to him,
And for his inward vertue never doubt
Hee’l make that good to you; However ſtill
He holds his much commended Modeſty.
Croſ.My Lord you much commend his modeſtie,
And baſhfulneſſe, urging your confidence
Of his ſtrange inward hid abilities
(I hope your Lordſhips pardon
) can you tell,
[E7]If
A mad Couple well Match’d.
If hee has with that baſhfull modeſty
Got any of his Mothers Maides with child?
Or of his Fathers Tenants Wifes, or Daughters?
I would have ſome aſſurance.
Theſe Widowes love to heare of manly acts,
And chooſe their husbands by their backs, and faces.
Croſ.My Lord you ſaid youl’d tell me.
Lo.Yes, but I would not have you cunningly
To ſift diſcoveries from me to his wrong.
Croſ.I am loth to ſpeake ſo plainely to you my Lord,
But by the worſt that you can ſpeake of him
I may the better like him.
Then hearke you Widow, to avoid his bluſhes,
Suppoſe I tell hee has got a baſtard.
Croſ.You may as well ſuppoſe i’le ſay ’twas well.
Lo.What ſay you to two or three!
Croſ.The more the merrier.
Lo.He has no leſſe then five old Gentlemens
Young Wives with child this Moone, but got all in
Lo.Yes, in good deed, and luſty.
Croſ.Good deed call you it, to get other Mens
Lo.Suppoſe they have the husbands conſents.
Croſ.I ſuppoſe they are wittalls then.
Lo.No, they are wiſealls, and ’tis a thing in much
requeſt among landed men, when old and wanting iſſue
of their owne, to keepe out riotous Kindred from in-
heritance, who elſe would turne the Land out of the
Croſ.An excellent policie!
Lo.You know the Lady
Thrivewell.
[E7v]Croſ.
A mad Couple well Match’d.
Croſ.And her old husband, and his riotous Kinſeman
Lo.You will heare more hereafter, but now to him
agen, for whom I am ſpokeſman.
Croſ.In a ſtrange way me thinks.
Lo.Hee is ſent for farre and neere on thoſe occaſions,
hee is of ſo ſweete a Compoſure, and ſuch ſure taking
mettall, that hee employes my care to have him well
beſtowd before he begins to waſt.
Croſ.Iſt poſſible hee has done ſo much, and ſayes ſo
Lo.The deepeſt waters are moſt ſilent,
But he can ſpeake, and well to
Bellamy.
Lo.I have made your love knowne to this Lady.
Lo.And have begun your ſuit; follow’t your ſelfe.
Bel.My ſuit my Lord to her
? I never mov’d your
Lordſhip to’t, Tho’ I preſume ſhe may be a happy fortune
to one of my condition; a poore and younger brother;
onely made rich and happy in your Lordſhips ſervice, and
Lo.Which i’le take off o’ you if you ſlight my care in
ſeeking your preferment to this Lady, of beauty equall
with her faire eſtate, in both which ſhee is great, and her
atchievement will be the Crowne, and the continuance
of all my favours to you, you are loſt if you purſue it
not, I would thy old Unkle
Bellamy ſaw thy Baſh-
Croſ.Your Lordſhip ſeemes now to wooe for me, not
him, however I am bound in thanks to your nobleneſſe,
in your faire proportion, I hope, I ſhall not be ſo poore to
require an advocate, when I ſhall yeild to have a huſ-
band. But your mirth becomes your honor, and the young
gentlemans reſervednes him, Ha, ha, ha.
[E8]Lo.
A mad Couple well Match’d.
Lo.How meane you Miſtris
Croſtill?
Croſ.I doe commend your mirth my Lord, for the
luſty ſtraine you ſpoke him in, that he had yet five children
in one weeke, wherein I may preſume you thought you
had mov’d to my liking, ha, ha, ha——
Lo.I am glad I have made you merry, But you will
wiſh if you reject him ——
Croſ.If I reject one that tenders not himſelfe! yet I
Croſ.As thinking I am one of your caſt peeces
(Knowing how well your Lordſhip loves the game
)
And now would put mee on him,
But you miſpriſe mee ſinfully ſweet Youth
In ſuch a thought, how e’re you ſhould not ſcorne
To ride in your Lords caſt boots, though you be Gentle-
Lo.Come now he ſhall have none of you.
Croſ.I’le heare him ſay he will not firſt, by your Lord-
Lo.Spirit of contradiction!
Croſ.Stay ſir, would you be content to have me?
Bel.You heard my Lord ſay
I ſhould not.
Croſ.But ſay he ſay agen you ſhall, ſpeake, will you
Lo.Say no
( I finde her now) that is the way to
Croſ.Without inſtructions good my Lord.
Bel.Lady
I finde ſo much your ſcorn already,
That to be wedded to’t,
I ſhould diſpaire
(My much unworthineſſe conſider’d) to convert it
Ever to love, and ’tis your love, before
Your Perſon or Eſtate, that my affection
In anſwer therefore, to your will, you have mee,
[E8v]I
A mad Couple well Match’d.
I muſt ſay no, till I perceive ſome ſigne
Of love in you towards me.
Some ſignes of love in me
? How would you have it
?
Muſt I declare it to you before you ſeeke it
?
Bel.No; I would ſeeke it zealouſly, but my Lord
Is off on’t now, and I may loſe his favour.
Croſ.Is your love limited by his favour then?
Bel.Not limited: but (as it is as yet,
But in its infancy
) a little checkt,
Though it ſtill growes, and may extend beyond
All limitation to ſo faire an object
As is your ſelfe: But ſtill my own demerit
Curbs my ambition more then love emboldens.
Croſ.He ſpeakes within me now.
Enter Saveall, Careleſſe.
Sa.Stay, let us retire. Here is the Lord
Lovely.
Car.Be he a Lord of Lords i’le not retire a foot.
Lo.What ſervants Miſtris
Croſtill doe you keep,
O Mr.
Saveall!
Carleſs ſalutes
Sa.The humbleſt of your Lordſhips ſervants.
(Croſtill,
Lo.What Gentlemen is that you bring with
(& puts by
Sa.It is the Nephew of the good Knight Sir
Oliver
Thrivewell, of which Sir
Oliver, I have procured unto
your Lordſhip the ſum which you deſired by your ſervant
Lo.For that I thanke him and you, but I could wiſh
you had not brought that Nephew hither now.
Sa.Certes my Lord I am ſorry.
Lo.My reaſon is, I have enter’d
Bellamy a ſuitor to
Sa.He alſo comes a ſuiter.
Lo.And is in deepe diſcourſe with her already,
FI’le
A mad Couple well Match’d.
Car.But you ſhall heare mee Widow, and that to
Lo.Lady at my requeſt, doe this Gentleman (who
made the firſt approach) the favour to be, heard, and
Car.As his approach was firſt my Lord, ſhee has heard
him firſt already, and my requeſt is to be heard now,
and then let her anſwer both him, or me, or neither, what
Lo.Your Name is
Careleſſe I take it.
Car.I came to talke with this Gentlewoman.
Croſ.Pray my Lord forbeare him, and let him ſpeake,
Car.I ſay I love you, doe reſolve to marry you, and
then to uſe you as I liſt.
Croſ.I ſay I love you, doe reſolve to marry you, and
then to uſe you as I liſt.
— To Bell. —
Bell.This to mee Lady
? i’le take you at your
Croſ.Stay, I doe but tell you what he ſayes.
Car.Take her at her word againe ſir, and I ſhall take
you by the luggs. I ſay againe you ſhall have none
Croſ.I ſay again, you ſhall have none but me.
– – – To Bel.
Car.What, doe you foole mee, or him, your ſelfe,
Croſ.Pray ſir how old are you?
Car.Are you good at that, pray ſir, how old are
Lo.You preſſe beyond your priviledge, which is only
to ſpeake to the Gentlewoman.
Car.My Lord I am a Gentleman.
Sa.Let me beſeech your Lordſhip.
Take him aſide.
[F1v]Car.
A mad Couple well Match’d.
Car.How can you uſe a Gentleman that loves you
Dearer then Life, and onely bends his ſtudy
By all meanes to deſerve you, one that
(can not?
)
Will not, while there are wayes to die, live out of
Your favour, with ſo much deſpightfull ſcorne,
That when he ſpeakes his ſoul to you through his lips,
You make his Language yours, and give’t a Boy?
Croſ.What Gentleman’s that you ſpeake of
?
Car.The man that ſpeakes it I am he.
Croſ.All this ſir in effect, and more of my affection,
Car.Uns, but you ſhall not, you miſtake the perſon
to whom you are, or ought to direct your affection, you
Croſ.No more then once a Lover, or at leaſt,
A bold pretender, having in civill language
Expreſt in writing his affection
To a chaſt Miſtris ſeal’d, and directed it,
And on the contrary, courted his vertuous friend in bro-
To a lewd ſtrumpet. Have I hit you ſir
?
Car.What can I ſay now! Slife if that anger you after
the errour found, and confeſt, i’le write worſe to you, and
Croſ.Mr.
Bellamy ſome other time I ſhall be glad to
Car.Shee meanes that to mee now, but i’le take no
notice; i’le finde as good a Widow in a Taverne Chim-
ney, O ſhee’s a dainty Widow!
Croſ.Hee lookes with ſcorne at mee, I muſt not loſe
him, yet dare not ſtay, for feare I tell him ſo.
I humbly crave your pardon good my Lord,
For my ill manners, and abrupt departure;
The cauſe is urgent, and I beſeech your mercy,
F 2Lo.
A mad Couple well Match’d.
Lo.Let your will guide you.
Croſ.Mr.
Saveall I thanke you for my Suitor.
Croſ.Yes you ſhall controwle mee in my owne
Car.Yes, yes, I meane ſo too, but you ſhall wooe mee
Lo.’Tis a mad Widow, which of theſe two now think
Sa.I thinke he ſhall in the end have the beſt my Lord,
that can ſlight her moſt.
Lo.’Tis my opinion too, and heare mee ——
Aſide.
Car.Sir, I have ſeene you but twice, and it has beene
at places where I cannot allow of your reſorts, firſt at my
Aunts, and now here at my Widowes.
Bel.Your Widow ſir! I thought ſhee had beene the
Car.Thou art a witty, pretty Child. But doe you
here uſe your wit, out of the ſmell-reach of your
Lords perfum’d Gloves, and I ſhall take you by the
Bel.Forbeare ſir, I have a Handkercher.
Car.And let me finde you there no more, nor here I
Bel.I heare your charge ſir, but you muſt leave it to
my diſcretion to obey it, or not.
Car.Truſt to your diſcretion!
Lo.And ſo commend mee to my Lady
Thrivewell.
Come
Bellamy away, what’s your diſcourſe?
Bel.All faire and friendly my Lord.
Lo.So ſhould it be with Rivalls, fare you well
Car.Your Lordſhips— with a whew.
Sav.Will you walke homewards
?
[F2v]Car.
A mad Couple well Match’d.
Car.Excuſe me ſir I pray.
Sav.It will not be convenient to returne this day un-
Car.Feare it not ſir, I like her not ſo well now.
Sa.Doe your pleaſure.
Exit.
Car.Ha’ you croſſe tricks Miſtris
Croſtill? well I will
goe drinke your Crotchets out of my Pate, then home,
and doe that which mine Aunt and I muſt only know.
This is her Night of Grace, if ſhee keepe touch with
ACT IV. SCENE II.
Enter Lady, Phebe, Cloſet.
La.IN truth your ſtory is pittifull, but your own folly
has brought your ſcourge upon you.
Phe.’Twas through the blindneſſe of my love, and
my credulity Madam, wrought by his ſtrong Temp-
La.Well, for this once i’le ſtraine a point of honour
for you, chiefly indeed in anſwer of his rude unnaturall
preſumption in attempting mee. That a Villaine can ſtill
be ſo barbarouſly luſtfull! If in this way I fit him not,
and cauſe him to deſiſt his beaſtly purpoſe, I will diſcover
all to his undoing.
Cloſet you know my minde, and full
directions for the conveyance of our deſigne.
Clo.Yes Madam, doubt not. Though I have but a
naughty head at moſt, other matters, I dare not truſt it
for a ſure one at ſuch conveyances.
La.I preſume to further the matter, hee’l come
F 3home
A mad Couple well Match’d.
home Drunke by his not comming to Supper.
Clo.Then he may forget what he ſo much expected, or
ſleepe away his expectation.
Phe.No, hee will then be the more vehement till his
La.You know his humour beſt it ſeemes, away, away,
my husband comes.
Exit Clo. Phe.
Enter Thrivewell and Wat.
Thr.Well
Wat, for this diſcovery i’le make thy re-
ward worth ten ſuch maſters ſervices.
Thr.Sweet heart I have a ſuit to you— But firſt what
Woman’s that with
Nurſe ?
La.A Kinſwoman of hers whom ſhee would pre-
ferre to mee, but I have anſwer’d her, I will not charge
your purſe with more attendants; onely I have given her
leave to entertaine, and lodge her this night.
Thr.That’s my good Girle.
La.Now what’s your ſuite ſir, (as you are pleas’d
to call it) which I would have to be your free com-
Thr.’Tis for my abſence from thee, to accompany
Mr.
Saveall, to bring a deare friend on his way to Graves-
end to night, who is ſodainly to depart the Land.
La.Theſe ſodaine departures of friends out of the
Land, are ſo frequent, and that I may believe you intend
really, and no fained excuſe; now will I thinke as
long as you have good and ſubſtantiall Made-worke
at home, that you will ſeeke abroad for any more ſlight
Thr.No more o’that Sweet heart, farewell, expect me
early in the morning.
Exit.
La.I am glad of his abſence to night, leſt there
ſhould happen ſome cumbuſtion in the houſe by his un-
ruly Nephew, in cafe hee ſhould diſcover my deceipt in
beguiling him with his own wench inſtead of me, I do even
[F3v]tremble
A mad Couple well Match’d.
tremble to thinke upon the unnaturall Villaine, that
would offer ſo to wrong his Unkle. I thought I had
ſchool’d him ſufficiently, and beaten him off at his firſt
attempt, and hee to aſſaile me againe with more forcible
temptations urging me to a promiſe.
Enter Cloſet.
Clo.The young Gentleman is come in Madam, and as
you foreſaw very high flowne, but not ſo drunke as to
forget your promiſe! Hee’s going to bed in expectation
La.And have you put his Damſell into her night-
Clo.Moſt Lady-like I aſſure you Madam.
La.And let her be ſure to ſteale from him before Day.
Clo.Yes, with all ſilence Madam, ſhe has promiſed.
Ex.
La.May Ladies that ſhall heare this ſtory told,
Judge mildly of my act ſince hee’s ſo bold.
ACT IV. SCENE III.
Saleware, Bellamy.
Sa.NAy but looke you Mr.
Bellamy, it is not I proteſt
that I am jealous, I make this inquiry for my
wife. I jealous? I an Aſinego then, I am as confident of
my wife, as that ſhe is in this houſe, how ere you deny her
Bel.Why Lady, you are not jealous now? If you
were not, you would believe me ſhe is not here.
Sa.Without equivocation, Mr.
Bellamy, ſhee is not
here—indeed, under your foot, but ſhee’s here in the
houſe, and under ſome body for ought any body knows,
but my ſelfe, that doe confide in her as I ſay, and will
F 4know
A mad Couple well Match’d.
know no ſuch matter; And ſo my Lords will be done
with her, I hope I ſhall ſee her well to morrow, and at
Bel.Can ſuch language proceed out of any but a
Sa.What an Aſſinego’s this! I ſay againe, I doe con-
fide in her, nor will I be daſht, or baſht at what any
man ſayes of, or againſt her; And therefore me thinks tis
very ſtrange that you ſhould deny her to me, that comes
Bel.There you are againe. But ſince no denyall will
ſerve your turne, indeed ſhee is here in this houſe, and in
Sa.Away, away, you mock ifaith, you are a wag, ſhee’s
no more here then I am, if ſhee were here can I thinke
Bel.How came you to thinke, or dreame ſhee was in
Sa.I neither thought it, or dreamt it. I but ſir, a wa-
terman brought me a Letter in haſt from one Mr.
Ano-
nimus, intimating that my
Ally was with a private friend
at this houſe, and to lie here all night (a very likely
matter) what private friend has ſhee but my Lord, and
that in a right honorable way, I confide in ’em both for
that; but at this houſe is ſuch a thing my Lord having
divers Lodgings, and ſhee a houſe of her own at his dis-
poſe and command, that is ſuch a thing to be thought or
Bel.Why came you to inquire then of ſuch a thing?
Sa.Why ſir, this
Anonimus writ that I ſhould come
haſtily hither, and aſke to ſpeake with you Mr.
Bellamy,
and I ſhould know further; hither I came, here I finde
you, you deny ſhee is here, and what doe I inquire any
Bel.You heare mee ſay agen ſhee is here.
[F4v]Sa.
A mad Couple well Match’d.
Sa.Goe you are a wag agen, ſhee here
? is my Lord
here? or any private friend? alas, alas you are too young
Mr.
Bellamy, and may as well perſwade mee I am
Bel.Well ſir, to put you out of all jealouſie and
doubt (if you be in any) I was the
Anonimus that ſent you
the Letter to draw you hither and declare my ſelfe your
friend, which ſhall inſtantly be manifeſt to you, if now
you have a minde to lie with your own wife before any
Sa.Then ſhee is here indeed belike.
Bel.Pray come with me into the next Chamber.
Sa.This is ſome waggery plotted by my wife, I
The Bed put forth, Alicia in it. Enter Bellamy,
Saleware, with Light.
Bel.But you muſt be ſure to ſay when ſhee diſcovers
you, that you came of your owne accord, unſent for, as
inſpir’d or poſſeſt by ſome Dreame or Viſion, to finde
Sa.Well, if this be not my wifes waggery in a maine
proof of her chaſtity, I am not here. I will doe ſo ſir.
Bel.So then, obſcure your ſelfe a while, while I ap-
Bel.’Tis I, your ſervant Lady.
Al.Sweet
Bellamy, why come you not to Bed?
Al.Dos the love that was ſo hot, and the deſire that
was ſo fervent, begin to coole in you?
Sa.Good agen, as if hee an Aſſinego had ever made
love to her fine waggery
!
Al.Has my meere conſent to ſatisfie you, cloy’d
Sa.Conſent to my Lords man, a likely matter
!
[F5]Al.
A mad Couple well Match’d.
Al.Or did you court me to a promiſe onely to try my
fidelity to your Lord, and then betray me?
Bel.Deare Lady thinke not ſo, but that I am ſtruck
into ſtone with wonder, and amazement at the moſt un-
expected accident that ever croſt a Lover.
Sa.Dainty waggery this, what little mad Rogues are
theſe to plot this to make me jealous?
Al.Pray, are you ſerious? what is the accident
?
Bel.I will not be ſo croſt, but kill him rather. To in-
joy ſuch a Miſtris, who would not kill a horn’d beaſt? yet
Al.Will you not tell mee
?
Bel.Speak lower gentle Lady.
Al.Why prithee, who can heare us
?
Bel.I know not by what Magick your jealous hus-
band has made diſcovery of our being here, he wrought
Al.I am undone then. He will tell my Lord.
Sa.I ſhall undoe my ſelfe then Friend. No,
Sapientia
mea mihi. Be not daſht nor baſht for that good Friend,
if there were any ſuch matter: but this is waggery, fine
waggery plotted betwixt you, to tempt my jealouſie,
but never the ſooner for a haſty word I warrant you.
Mr.
Bellamy that my Wife is here I thank you; But how I
came to know it you ſhall never know from me; you
ſent not for mee, I am ſure you were not the
Anonimus.
Indeed it ſhould have been
Anomina Friend-wife: for
it was thy act I dare ſweare; However you doe
not heare mee ſay I was ſent, or writ for at all, more
then by a Dreame or Viſion: But here I am and meane
to remaine to night; I hope the houſe can afford you
another Bed in’t Mr.
Bellamy, and you to leave mee to
my owne Friend-wife, I like the lodging moſt curiouſly
ſweete Friend, and I prethee, lets try heartily what luck
[F5v]we
A mad Couple well Match’d.
we may have in a ſtrange place, I would ſo faine have a
Bel.I’le leave you to your wiſhes, a good night to
Al.Pray ſir a word firſt, husband be farther.
Sa.Faces about
Tom Saleware, and march forwards.
Al.You told mee ſir, of a hundred pound that your
ſweete Lady
Thrivewell ſent me.
Bel.’Tis true I have it for you.
Al.But ſhee has ſince countermanded you to keepe
it, has ſhee, and to mock my expectation of that, and
you
? why have you foold me thus?
Bel.I rather ſhould ſuſpect your craft in this preven-
tion: but love forbids me, and I muſt conclude, ’tis witch-
Al.Come let’s kiſſe friends, and (ſweet) to morrow
night I will prevent his Witchcraft, in the full enjoyment
of our free pleaſures: be you true to me.
Bel.May all that’s Man in me forſake me elſe.
Al.Another kiſſe and then good night.
Sa.Are you ſtill whiſpering? no matter, let’em
Al.Now may the ſpirits of all injur’d women, be ad-
ded to mine owne, for my revenge, which I this night
will dreame of ſlighted and mock’d hee and his like
That when a yeilding woman is ſo croſt,
All thoughts but of revenge with her are loſt.
Sa.O hee’s gone—
Ally, Friend I would ſay, And
now I prithee tell mee how, or why thou cam’ſt
Sa.Yes faith, I were no friend elſe.
Al.’Twas but to try if I could make thee jealous.
[F6]Sa.
A mad Couple well Match’d.
Sa.In waggery
! did not I ſay ſo! when doe my pro-
Al.But what brought you hither thinke you
?
Sa.A Letter from one
Anonimus, but i’le eate Spi-
ders, and breake if you ſent it not.
Sal.Where is it
? facks I ha’ loſt it.
Al.’Twas I indeed that ſent it.
Sa.Did not I ſay ſo too
? and that it ſhould ha’ been
Anonima,
Sapientia mea mihi, when doe my prophecies
faile
? i’le to bed inſtantly while the prophetick ſpirit
is in mee, and get a ſmall Prophet or a South-
Al.No, i’le have no bed-fellow to night.
Sa.Nere the leſſe for a haſty word, I hope Friend.
Al.I am at a word for that.
Sa.I’le lie upon thy feet then.
Al.Well, you may draw the Curtaines, and ſleepe
Sa.Sapientia mea mihi, ſtultitia tua tibi.
Puts in the bed, Exit.
ACT IV. SCENE IV.
Phebe paſſes over the ſtage in night attire, Careleſſe
followes her as in the darke.
Car.MAdam, Madam, ſweet Madam, ’twill not be
day theſe three houres, ſtay but three minuits
longer, but a touch more, ſhe’s whipt into her Cham-
ber. Could I but finde the Dore— I know my
Unkle’s from home– – – – O ſhee returnes with light: that’s
[F6v]Enter
A mad Couple well Match’d.
Enter Lady, a light.
La.What aile you! Are you mad
?
Car.Would not any man be mad for loſing ſuch a
Bed-fellow
? ſweet Madam, let us retire without any
La.What an inſatiate beaſt are you? would you un-
doe for ever both me and your ſelfe
?
Car.Not with one doe more I warrant you, come
away Madam, Madam, ſomebody knocks mainly at the
gate; and I believe it is my Maſter return’d before his
Enter Cloſet.
La.I cannot thinke ’tis he.
Car.’Tis the Rogue my man I warrant drunke, and
has forgot I turnd him away, but he ſhall ſpoyl no ſport.
La.Cloſet, goe your wayes downe, and hearke before
Clo.——I will Madam——
Exit.
Car.So now come Madam, I commend you in the
charge you have given your watch-woman.
La.What charge doe you gueſſe?
Car.Why to tell my Unkle (if he be come) that hee
muſt not come neare you, that you have had no reſt to
Night till juſt now you are fallen aſleepe, and ſo
La.Goe you are a wicked fellow; I am ſorry for any
the leaſt favour I have done thee, and doe thou dare to
attempt me once more, i’le ha’ thee turnd headlong out
Car.I have got her with child to night, with a ſparke
of mine owne ſpirit, and longs already to doe me miſ-
chiefe. The boy will be like mee, therefore ’tis pity to
knock’t o’the head: But come Madam tother craſh and
good night, muſt I drag you to’t
?
[F7]La.
A mad Couple well Match’d.
La.Touch mee but with a finger, and I’le raiſe the
Car.You dare not ſure, and now take heed you vex
me not, have you not been my whore
?
La.You dare not ſay ſo, for ſpoyling your fortune.
Car.Faith but I dare, and if you will not obey me in
a courſe of further pleaſure to night, fetch me a hundred
peeces to take a courſe abroad withall, doe yee looke?
I’le make you fetch me hundred after hundred Huſwife,
when I want it, or ſhall be pleas’d to call for’t. All
comes out elſe, the gates of your fame flies open Lady,
I will proclaime our Act.
La.Dare you forfit your own Reputation ſo
?
Car.I ſhall gaine Reputation by’t in the company I
keepe abroad, and if the Cuckold my Unkle come to the
knowledge of it at home, I ſhall poſſeſſe him that you
luſtfully tempted me to it.
La.Canſt thou be ſo villanouſly impudent todeſtroy
thine own fortune to ruine me
?
Car.You may conceale all then, and ſo will I, and
mend my fortune by yours, I will live bravely upon your
fortune, and the heire which I have got to Night ſhall
inherit it, my Unkles eſtate. And therefore indeed I
would have all conceald; for my childs good, or rather
for mine owne: for it ſhall goe hard if I put him not in-
to a courſe in his minority to conſume the eſtate upon me
Car.And O that ever I did it!
La.Thou Villaine, haſt undone me.
Car.Come i’le doe you agen, and then all’s whole agen;
Y’are both undone, O you prodigious monſters
That have betwixt you made me monſter too!
What’s to be done, but that I kill you both,
[F7v]Enter
A mad Couple well Match’d.
Enter Thrivewell, Saveall.
Sav.Sir, you reſume the temper of humanity,
And let the Law diſtinguiſh you from them,
You neither are to be their Executioner,
Thr.Life to me is torment.
Car.O the Devill, what a caſe am I in now!
Thr.Can more be ſaid to aggravate thy ſhame,
Or my affliction, then I have heard already
?
Sa.Let me intreat you heare her.
La.What ſhame did you, or what affliction I
Suffer, when you diſcoverd unto me
Your bargaine of a hundred pound in
Saleware,
You underſtand me. How was life a torment
Thr.Did you not vow forgements then? and thus,
You freely would forgive my act? and thus
Now to revenge it on me to my ruine,
And your own endleſſe infamy? O ’tis horrid.
La.’Tis no revenge at all, onely a ſhew
To ſtartle you, or try your manly temper,
And ſo neare to be even with yee as to let you know,
what ſome wife might perhaps ha’ done being ſo mov’d,
It was my plot indeed to ſtraine you hither to this falſe
fire diſcovery, for which i’le give you reaſons.
Thr.O groſſe diſſimulation.
La.Mr.
Saveall, you have done many faire offices for
his Nephew, doe this for me, intreat him to a Confe-
rence a few minutes in my Chamber; if I cleare not
my ſelfe in his and your opinion, and that by witneſſes,
let me be found the ſhame of all my Sex.
Sa.Sir, my councells have been prevalent with your
judgement, let me perſwade you.
Thr.But I will have that friend thruſt out of dore firſt.
[F8]La.
A mad Couple well Match’d.
La.I would not that you ſhould, nor give a looke,
or word to him till you have heard me; Then exerciſe
Sav.Sir be induc’d to it.
La.Goe to your Bed agen
George, and ſleepe, be not
affraid of Bug-beares.
Exit.
Car.Hows this? Shee’s come about agen, and has
patch’d all up already. I hope ſhee’l worke mine Unkle
to reward mee for my Night-worke, and bring him in
time to hold my ſtirrop while his
George mounts her;
Shee’s a delicate well-going beaſt! I know but one to
match her in a courſe, juſt the ſame pace and ſpeede as
if I had onely had the breaking, and managing of her my
ſelfe, but the marke goes out of
Phebes mouth now;
and i’le play my Aunt againſt all the Town. But how
ſhee thought to fright mee with villaine and impudent.
And now goe to bed
George, ha, ha, ha, I find her drift.
No wit like womens at a ſodaine ſhift.
