The New Academy, Or
Act. IV. Scœn. I.
Nehemiah, Ephraim.
Neh.EPhraim, thou haſt made me a man, both
without, witneſſe this ſword, and within,
witneſſe this precious book, which I have gotten al-
Eph.But ſir, beware you fall not back again
Into your childiſh follies: but go forwards
In manly actions: for
non progredi eſt regredi.
Neh.I know the meaning of that too,
Ephraim.
That’s once a man and twice a childe. But if I
turne childe again, while I have teeth in my head, I’le
give Mrs.
Blithe leave to dig ’hem out with Sugar-
plums, as ſhe almoſt did theſe two of ’hem yeſterday,
with her knuckles. I would they ſtuck both in her
bum for’t, till I were married to her, and that ſhall be
ſhortly, they ſay,
I wo not turne boy again for that
Neh.Thou mayeſt be ſure on’t
Ephraim: for if I
would turne boy again, I ha’ not wherewithal to ſet up
again. Thou ſaweſt that, aſſoon as I had taſted the
ſweetneſſe of this delicious book here, I tore and burnt
all my ballats, as well the godly as the ungodly. In
my conſcience as many as might have furniſh’t three
Bartholomew Faires, and then for love of this ſword,
I broke and did away all my ſtorehouſe of tops, gigs,
balls, cat and catſticks, pot guns, key guns, trunks,
tillers, and all; and will I turne boy again canſt think?
yet I am half ſorry, being towards a wife, that I did
[M1v]not
The New Exchange.
not keep ’hem ſor my children: ſome money might
have been ſav’d by’t. And that is a manly and a good
huſbandly conſideration, I take it. But hang covetous-
neſſe: There comes not a mouth into the world, but
there’s meat for’t ; and if I finde ’em not play games,
their mother will finde friends, that ſhall, for them and
Eph.I’m glad to heare ſuch good things to come
And hope that now your judgment’s ſtrong e-
To manage my affair. You know my minde, ſir.
Neh.Amardla
Ephraim, ’twill be hard to compaſſe.
For the old Knight will never let me have his Neece,
unleſſe he have my mother. He meanes to truck for
her, though,
I confeſſe, I had rather call thee father
then any man,
I know, yet I know not how to bring
it about, unleſſe he marry her firſt; and then ſhe be
weary of him, and take thee afterwards to mend her
match. I think it muſt be ſo, Amardla
Ephraim.
Eph.Now you flie out again, that’s as impoſ-
Neh.Peace, my mother comes.
La.Where are you childe
? Neh.
Neh.I hear her neighing after me, I’le do all I can
for thee, Amardla
Ephraim.
Enter Lady.
La.Look you ſonne, what kinde Sir
Swithin has
ſent you. A dancing frog, you would think it were a-
live, and a ballet of burning the falſe prophets before
they be tried. And another fearful one of the new
Neh.Hang bawbles, burn ballets, I am a man, and
M 2La.
The New Academy, Or
LaA ſudden change, I pray it be good.
Neh.Tell me of toyes? I have a ſword: offer me
ballets? I have a book. Speak to me of Sir
Swithin,
I’le talk to you of
Ephraim that gave me theſe bleſ-
ſings; and is fitter to be my father, (ſo he is) then the
fooliſheſt Knight of ’em all.
[Reades.
La.Bleſſe my ſonne from too much learning. That
book has done him no good, I doubt. He talks and
looks ſo wildly o’the ſudden.
La.What book is’t. Let me ſee it.
Neh.I’le tell you firſt.
It is a book all of Bulls, Jeſts
and Lies. Collected by an
A. S. Gent. Mother
f’ſooth, there be ſuch things in it! If you never
reade it, it is the rareſt book that ever you read in
your life. Open it where you will, and you ſhall learn
ſomething. As here now. One refuſing to eat Cheeſe-
cakes, was aſk’t his reaſon. He told them he lov’d the
fleſh well, but was afeard of the bones. Then here’s
the next to’t. One aſking whence Lobſters were
brought: his fellow repli’d, one might eaſily know their
countrey by their coat. They are fetch’t from the
red ſea. Now would I might never eat more of ’hem,
as well as I love’hem, if
I know what Cheeſe-cakes
were made of, or from whence Lobſters came be-
La.Is this your book-learning? In troth thou
Neh.Laugh on, good Mother. And while you are
in the merry mood, let me ſpeak a good word for
E-
phraim. I have a minde f’ſooth, becauſe he has made
me a man, to make him my father, f’ſooth.
How durſt you, ſirrah, move my ſonne in this? ha.
[M2v]Neh.
The New Exchange.
Neh.Pray fſooth hear him ſpeak. He can ſpeak Po-
etry (he ſayes) as well as Knight
Whimlbie. Speak
Eph.Madam, Faire truth have told
Married with private men.
A Counteſſe was no Bluſher,
Keeper in wedlock. Theſe did wiſely know
Inferiour men beſt could their work below.
Neh.Mother f’ſooth, Is it not fine?
Eph.Nay, Madam, more then ſo,
La.But you ſhall not, Sirrah. What, what! how
now!
I’ſt but up and ride? ha
! Out of my doors
Neh.I muſt out too then, mother I am afraid,
La.Good
Neh. be pacified,
I’le give him a better
But not a word on’t now, ſweet childe,
I pray
Enter Whimlbie, Blithe.
Whi.Ha, ha, ha, Madam, ha, ha, ha.
[Kiſſe.
La.I marry Sir
Swithin. This is better then O Ma-
dam, O–––, when you waſh’t your handkerchiefs in
the ſuds, and then to wring ’hem out in Poetry.
Whi.My tears with the memory of the dead are all
fallen into Lethe; and nothing but joy left in me,
ſincmy hopes are confirm’d in your lap. And hang
M 3Poetry,
The New Academy, Or
Poetry:
I ſtudy profit now. Therefore, look you,
Madam, here is a draught of my marriage-inſtrument
Eph.His inſtrument being drawn, I muſt put up
VVhi.And here is another draught for ſweet Maſter
Nehemiah, for my Neece
Blithes Joincture.
Neh.O but ſhe ſayes ſhe will not have me.
VVhi.When did ſhe ſay ſo?
Neh.Now, now, ſhe ſpat the word out of her
mouth. And
I ſay, if ſhe ha’ not me, you ſhall whine
both your eyes out before you have my mother; and
ſee ne’re the worſe, I warrant you.
Neh.A croſſe marriage, or no marriage, I ſay
La.I ſay ſo too, ſonne, Sweet boy, be content.
Whi.Blithe. You ſpoke well of him behinde his
back: and made me think you lov’d him, and would
Bli.Behinde his back, I may do much to pleaſe you.
But when I look upon him, he turnes my ſtomack
worſe then a fool made of ſoure milk.
La.Marry Gip, Mrs.
Queaſie, my ſonne’s as ſweet
as you,
I hope, and as wiſe as you. And ſuck’t as ſweet
milk as ever the good Cow your mother gave.
Whi.Patience, good Madam.
Eph.I hope the croſſe marriage is croſt. This is
La.Uds ſo! do you flirt out your unſavoury com-
Bli.Flirt not you at me, Madam, left
I flirt your
milk-ſop under the ſnotty noſe here.
Neh.Yes, and I have a ſword, and you ha’ got ne’re
La.You wo’ not will you, ha! Do you flie at
[M3v]Whi.
The New Exchange.
Whi.Fear not, good Madam.
Whi.She ſhall not hurt him. Leave her to me, good
La.I ever fear’d he was not long-liv’d he was ſo
witty. And now I feare, ſhe will be the death of him.
I would not he ſhould marry her for a million.
NehSay not ſo, mother.
I love her better and
I never had play-fellow i my life, but we fell out and
And I muſt and will marry her,
I take my death on’t a-
La.O me! he is bewitch’t to her.
Whi.Leave all to me, dear Madam.
La.As
I am to you,
I think, Sir
Swithin.
WhiLet me alone with her: I’le win her, and he
ſhall wear her, feare not. As
I was ſaying, Madam, ſhe
ſpeaks as well of him behind his back, as your owne
heart can wiſh. And told me ſhe was content to mar-
La.Behinde his back? did ſhe ſo?
Neh.Loe you there, mother, Let her marry me behind
my back then: And when we are marri’d, I’le make
her ſtick to’t before my face, I warrant you; or if ſhe
will make back-play.
I’le play at nothing but back-
La.Well, Heaven bleſſe thee, thou art but too good
Whi.Speak gently, Neece, I charge you.
BliMadam,
I hope your Ladiſhip ſhall finde me too
good for him. If e’re he has me.
Whi.She meanes in well-doing, Madam.
[M4r]La.
The New Academy,Or
La.Nay then, I thank you Mrs.
Blithe. Aſſuring you
that you ſhall be no way ſo good to him, but
I will
Neh.Agreed again of all hands. But look how ſhe
turnes and keeps cut like my Sparrow. She will be my
back Sweet-heart ſtill
I ſee, and love me behind.
Whi.She is yet raw, and has not much been abroad
to ſee the manners of the time. In which my melan-
choly has been her main hinderance. But Madam, there
is now that is worth all our ſight and obſervation;
A new Academy, where they ſay, the neweſt and
moſt courtly carriage and behaviour is taught and pra-
ctiſed both for young Gentlemen and women. Have you
La.Yes Sir
Swithin; and that the
French tongue is
taught there with great alacrity; and my ſonne is
wiſh’t thither, but ſoft
I warrant you.
Whi.But let him ſee it: at leaſt in our company it
will embolden him;
I mean to carry my Neece thither.
I have been a Lover of Arts and Exerciſes; and know
ſomewhat ſince my youth. Pray let us ſpend one houre
La.Pardon me good Sir
Swithin.
Neh.But he ſhall not mother if you love me: for
I mean to perfect my dancing there; and to learn
French there, For
I mean when
I am married to travel
into
France. But
I will firſt be perfect in the tongue I
ſhall learn it the ſooner when I am there you know.
Pray let us go to th’ Acomedy, what dee call it?
La.Say you ſo ſonne? then come ſir
Swithin. Come
Mrs.
Blithe, we will all go.
Bli.I’le wait upon you, though my heart ſayes
[M4v]Scœn.
The New Exchange.
Scœn. 2.
Enter Joyce, Gabriella.
Joy.O mine own heart! how near were we both
Gab.Thanks for our delivery!
We were upon the brink of main deſtruction.
Joy.Was ever ſuch a Friend as this mine Vncle?
Pretending us his children too, and call’d us daugh-
To thoſe he bargain’d with to ſell our Maidenheads?
Gab.’Twas a moſt damnable practiſe! fie upon
Joy.And had the
Monſieurs been as capable
Of our Virginities, as he was of
Their moneys, how had we then reſiſted.
Gab.By
Venus, (mine own heart) my
Gentleman
Came up ſo cloſe to me, that if my voice
Had not been ſtronger then mine armes (O me
!
I tremble for it yet) I had been vanquiſh’t.
Joy.But did you note the vertue of the Gentle-
When they were ſenſible of our feares and tears,
How gently they deſiſted, and with what humanity,
When they perceiv’d how we had been betray’d,
They pitied our conditions; and woo’d honeſtly
Our loves in way of marriage. Provided that
Our births and fortunes might no way diſparage
Theirs, being free and generous.
I love ’hem both ſo well, that if they prove
(As they pretend they are not) our inferiours
In blood and worth, I would take either of ’em.
Joy.Troth (mine own heart) ’tis juſt the ſame
[M5r]I
The New Academy, Or
I care not which I have. And mark a ſympathy,
How equally all our affections ſtrike.
We both love them, they both love us alike.
But peace.
Caſh, though he has done us good ſervice,
Muſt not know all. How goes it within
Caſh?
Enter Caſh.
Caſh.And why
Caſh pray. Ha’ not you chang’d
From
Joyce and
Gabriella to
Jane and
Frances.
And is not your Uncle
Strigood now become
Your father, by the name of Mr.
Lightfoot
The nimble dancing Maſter? And muſt I ſtill
Carry the name of
Caſh? and having loſt
My nature too, in having no caſh left?
(Pox o’the dice) call me Mr.
Outlaſh.
Joy.My father will fetch you home with an Inlaſh,
Caſh.But after you, faire Miſtris,
Now to your queſtion for the ſquares within.
Joy.I with the Frenchmen, and my Uncle
Stri-
Caſh.Your father
Lightfoot, you forget agen.
There’s a drawn match made
: For the
Monſieurs
Have ta’ne their money again: And you have ſtill
Your Maidenheads,
I hope. But to have heard
The coile they kept, the wrangle, and the ſtir;
And how the young Blades put the old one to’t;
Would ha’ perplext you more then keeping of
Your Maidenheads from men you love.
Gab.You cannot tell that.
Caſh.O how the old man chafes that you would
To make your mone to ’hem to move their pity,
And not to make his bargain good; and then
[M5v]How
The New Exchange.
How they put home his baſeneſſe to him; to make ſale
Of his own blood and honour in his children.
(They knew they ſaid ſome parents in their countrey,
After their children were turn’d whores, would ſhare
To live upon the profits, but to ſell
Their ſoules before they were damned, fie, fie, fie, fie)
Till he confeſt indeed you were none of his.
But children of ſome friends of his deceaſt,
Left to his care for breeding; which he had
Plenteouſly given, and thought it might ſeem reaſon-
To raiſe his money out of you agen.
Joy.What an old devil is this?
Caſh.Baſer and baſer ſtill.
The
Monſieurs cri’d, and ſwore if they could finde
Your Parents were Gentle and vertuous,
Being their firſt Loves, they would marry you,
To free you from this miſerable thraldome.
Gab.Brave honeſt Gentlemen.
Gab.Be advis’d though, Miſtreſſe.
Caſh.Beware of Travellers, many paſſe abroad
For gallant fellowes that have run their countrey,
Joy.And ſome you know at home
For cozening their Maſters.
But you have known my love; for
Gabriella
Let ’hem ſhare her betwixt ’hem. You and I
Made one, may ſoon make peace with the old man
Joy.O Rogue! I’le tell you more anon
Caſh.
[M6r]Enter
The New Academy,Or
Enter Strigood, Pap. Galliard.
Stri.Come Gentlemen,
Monſieur Papillion.
And
Monſieur Galliard, all friends, all friends.
Stri.Chear up your faces Girles.
’Twas but my trial of your chaſtity.
And ſince you have ſtood firme,
I am proud of you.
Truſt me, ’twas but to try you.
Gall.Wee wee All, but for try. Trimount, tri-
No more, but all for try: no man can tinck,
But ’twas too very moſhe to take two hundred
Crowns for two puſillages, no, no was but
For try: but and ſhe had not ſqueek and ſcraſh too
Like to de leetel chat, I had Trimount
One, two, tree five time, for all your try.
Stri.VVhat’s paſt let be forgot. According to
Agreement, Gentlemen, y’are now content
To joyne with us in Academick fellowſhip,
And for your paſtime profeſſe Art and Science,
As we do for our profit: y’are expert,
I finde; and ſhall winne wonder of our Nation,
To your own much delight out of their follies.
Caſh.And then for Gameſters, Gentlemen. If you’ll
I’le bring ye thoſe ſhall venture money enough.
Pap.VVe are planted to our wiſh.
All very good; but I would ſee thee firſt.
VVhat Ladies will come here to practiſe complement.
Stri.You are ſtill hot upon the female
Monſieur Galliard
Monſieur Papillion here flies over ’hem.
[M6v]Enter.
The New Exchange.
Enter Hannah.
Han.Ha, ha, ha, what will this world come to?
Stri.Landlady, the newes?
As well as the young I ſee.
Stri.To what Landlady?
He takes her aſide. And
Han.To faſhion following;
that while the young
A Reverend Lady
men and maids court
Of fifty five; and a Knight of
and confer at tother
And upwards, are come hither to learn faſhion.
Stri.Do you know their names?
Han.Yes, yes: and them; ’tis that
’Tis the Lady
Neſtlecock, and one Sir
Swithin VVhimlby.
Stri.VVit be merciful unto us.
Enter Hannah, Caſh.
Han.The Ladies man’s without: who came to know
if the houſe were ready to entertain ’hem; do you
Stri.I have heard o’th’ Lady.
Caſh, ſee if it be
E-
He cannot know thee. Let him not away,
[He looks out
By any meanes, his not return to them may keep ’hem
Caſh.’Tis he, I ſee him hither.
Stri.Landlady, is your huſband come from duck-
Han.Yes, overjoy’d with the good ſport he has
He’ll play th’ good fellow then. Entreat him
Caſh.
[M7r]To
The New Academy,Or
To help thee, put a cup or two upon
That fellow; and hear’ſt me, ſpice his cup,
I mean, grave
Ephraims cup with this ſame powder,
’Twill lay him aſleep, and quickly.
Caſh.I know the trick on’t.
Ex.
Stri.And Landlady, when the Knight and Lady
Say we are ready for ’em.
Pap.’Tis then an abſolute contract,
I am yours.
Joy.And
I am yours as firme as faith can binde.
Gall.To which we are de witneſſe. Be ſo for us,
I am her huſband,
And ſhe is my wife,
Gab.’Fore Heaven, I do acknowledge it,
But ſir, the Church muſt be obſerv’d,
We’ll ſend for one Miniſter that ſhall marry
Us all at once. One kiſſe till then ſhall ſerve.
[Kiſſe.
Stri.’Tis well done
Monſieurs. I no ſooner turn
My back, but you are on the Damoſels lips.
Gall.A leetel in de honeſt way will ſerve,
But he ſhall know no-ting.
Stri.On with your Maſques Maids,
And take eſpecial heed you bluſh not through ’hem.
For here are ſome at hand will put us to’t.
Joy.’Tis not my father, nor my Lady
Aunt?
Stri.I cannot promine you. Be bold and ſafe.
Beare it out bravely, or our ſchool breaks up
Immediately: and we are broke for ever,
Beſides, there is no ſtartiug.
To make a coward fight, and mine own heart;
We muſt ſtand ſtoutly to’t, we loſe our loves elſe,
[M7v]Stri.
The New Exchange.
Stri.Fall into complement.
Maſques on.
Enter Whimlby, Lady, Neh. Blithe.
La.I muſe we loſt my man thus.
Are you the Regent of this
Academy?
Whim.And are thoſe of your
Aſſiſtants.
Stri.Yes ſir, and all Profeſſors of Court-diſcipline,
By the moſt accurate, yet more familiar
Rules, then have ever yet been taught by any,
For quick inſtruction both of young and old.
Whim.You promiſe very fairly. For us old ones,
We know and could have done things in our youth,
Which ſtill we have a minde to: but we leave
The practice to our young ones: Here’s a paire
Would faine be at it. We’ll pay their admittance.
La.But
I’d be glad to ſee firſt by your leave,
Some probability of what they ſhall learn.
Stri.And reaſon good, good Madam. Pray obſerve
Pap.Fair ſtar of courtſhip, my unworthy humble ſelf, a
Profeſt ſervant to the integrity of beauty, makes
Clear teſtimony of your merits, that every eye that
Owes you his heart for tribute, and that unjuſtly your
beholders live, that live not in your ſervice.
Neh.Mother f ’ſooth, is not this
French?
La.Peace childe. Hear more on’t.
Joy.Noble ſir, you are ſo exactly deſerving in the
opinion of all righteous judgements, that the leaſt ſyl-
lable of your faire teſtimony, is able to re-edifie the ru-
ines of a decayed commendation.
Whim.The beſt that ever I heard, ſince I woo’d my
[M8r]Stri.
The New Academy, Or
Stri.Was not that a ſweet bout, ſir?
Whim.Yes, yes, it puts me in minde of ſome ſweet
bouts I had with one before I married her.
Stri.Has he married my Siſter troe?
Pap.I am forc’t to give you over, Madam, you have
ſuch a preventing and preoccupying wit in all things.
Neh.That goes like Engliſh Mrs.
Blithe. I could
learn ſome of that me thinks.
Bli.Beſt tell your mother ſo; ſhe may rejoyce
Stri.There, Lady, was a taſte of ſweet comple-
ment between perſons equally affected. May it pleaſe
you now to let yours ſonne paſſe upon this damoſel.
Who being to her a ſtranger, and raw (as I imagine)
in courtſhip, ſhall meet with reprehenſion, that may
Whim.Put of your hat and ſay–––.
Neh.What! and her maſque on?
La.That was well ſaid. Why are they maſk’d, I
Stri.We are commanded it by the policy of wiſe
authority; for feare young heires might fall in love
with ’em, and ſink their fortunes.
La.You have well ſatisfied me.
Neh.What ſhould I ſay to one I never ſaw.
Whim.When I was young and bold, I would have
ſaid, Lady, you are moſt auſpiciouſly encountred. And
Neh.Lady, you are moſt ſuſpiciouſly accoutred, I
Whim.Auſpiciouſly encountred man.
Neh.Auſpiciouſly encountred woman,
I ſay.
Gab.I commiſerate your encounter. ’Tis a moſt
hungry, verminous, impoveriſh’t word ſir. It ſeems you
are a ſtranger by’t, to the Innovation of courtſhip.
[M8v]Neh.
The New Exchange.
Neh.What ſhould I ſay to that now?
La.He’s a weak ſcholar forſooth, and would be glad
Gab.The acknowledgement of his weakneſſe is the
firſt greece of gradation to perfection, and his glad-
neſſe the ſcaling-ladder of reſolution.
Neh.Pray f’ſooth, can you teach me a complement
to offer you ſugar-plums, and eat ’hem my felſe: to
ſave my manners and my plums too?
Gab.What walking dunghil is this? made of the
duſt ſwept from the houſe of ignorance.
La.What, what! how now, ha? you are a Flapſe
to terme my ſonne ſo, ha!
Stri.O good Madam. This is but ſchool play.
La.I’le put her by her ſchool-tricks and no only
unmaſk, but unſkin her face too, and ſhe come over
my heire apparent with ſuch
Billingſgate Comple-
Pap.Sweet Madam, no harm was meant, and no-
thing ſaid in earneſt: ’Twas meerly but ſchool pra-
ctice, but to ſhew the ſweet young Gentleman how he
might be ſubject to the ſcorne of Court, before he be
Pap.’Twas told your Ladiſhip before, that by repre-
henſion he might finde inſtructiou.
Whim.Right Madam; For no Fencer learnes his
Science before he receive ſome hits and knocks too:
La.Nay, I am ſatisfied, and pray, that my raſh er-
rour may prove pardonable Lady
Gab.Rather let me implore your mercy, Ma-
Stri.’Tis well, ’tis well Lets hear an Interchange
or two now, of complemental acknowledgement of
Ncour-
The New Academy, Or
courteſies paſt betwixt Ladies, for the edification of
this faire one, who ſeems not yet to have ta’ne notice
of us, but looks o’ the ground ſtill.
Bli.’Tis not to finde a feſcue, ſir, among the
To pick out a leſſon in your criſſe-croſſe-row of comple-
Stri.Sharp and ſudden. She has a good wit I ſee.
Whim.Ob erve, good
Blithe, obſerve.
Gab.Can your poor ſervant expreſſe acknowledge-
ment enough, Lady, for favonrs ſo inceſſantly heap’t
upon her, beſides the accumulation of many ſecret be-
Joy.I cannot but admire, Madam, your noble and
illuſtrious Gratitude, that can give beauty to benefits
of ſo low a birth and condition.
Whim.O, my
Griſſel comes to my minde agen, ſhe
was the gratefulleſt woman.
Gab.If ſuch ſavours, Madam, ſhould paſſe under an
humble name, Honour would grow idle, and a thankful
Nature beguil’d of her emploiment.
Joy.You’ll make my zeale hereafter, too baſhful to
ſerve your moſt curious acknowledgement.
Bli.Curious acknowledgement
! There was a thrid
Gab.I am bound by many kindneſſes, Madam, to ce-
lebrate the faire memory of you; as the trouble of your
Coach twice in one day, beſides thoſe ineſtimable
Jewels, the Monkey and Dormouſe your Ladiſhip
Neh.I would you could lend me a ſight of ’hem for-
ſooth, I love ſuch things devoutly.
Joy.You do but open a privie door to my thankful
remembrance, Madam, for the bounty of your Squirrel
Bli.Fagh, ſhut that privie-door.
[N1r]Neh.
The New Exchange.
Neh.And ſhut in the Squirrel and the Paraquitoe
to be ſtifled, ſhall ſhe? O that I could ſee ’hem!
Stri.Now Madam, and Sir Knight, Is not this neat
Whim.Truly, truly ’tis moſt admirable pretty.
Stri.Nay, if you heard our Lectures, ſaw our
Reliſh’t our Muſick and harmonious voices,
Obſerv’d our Rules for faſhion and attire,
Our many exact poſtures and dimenſions,
Fit to be us’d by way of Salutation,
Of courteſie, of honour, of obeiſance,
To all degrees of man or womankind,
From the low bent of vaſſalage, to the head
Of towring Majeſty, you ſhould admire.
La.But do you reade and teach all theſe to your
Stri.Stand forth,
Monſieur Galliard. Stay w’are
Enter Eras. Val. Rachel.
Up maids, and quickly; or ’tis not your Maſques
Can keep you undiſcover’d. Go, be ready,
With Muſick and your voices, when I call to yee.
Ex. Joy. Gab.
La.Why are we interrupted? pray proceed.
Neh.Mother, it is my naughty Aunt, ſo ’tis.
La.No matter, ſonne, we’ll take no notice of
I wonder at the boldneſſe of the drudge though.
Ra.I can turne taile too, as well as the great La-
Val.And do ſo, Myſtreſſe, give her a broad-
Well-ſaid, we’ll make our partie good,
I warrant you.
N 2Er.
The New Academy, Or
Er.Sir, we have heard your Fame; and love your
And pray that our ambition be excus’d,
Which drew on our Intruſion.
Stri.To me and to the place you are all welcom.
Val.And ſo to all I hope, chiefly to you,
Good Madam Dowager, hoping in good time
I may get good, by doing much good upon you.
How likes your Lap: my complement.
La.Do you bring your rude companions to affront
me? Are you ſo hot? you ſtir up your cinders before
Val.Still in the Kitchin-dialect.
Ra.No ruder then your ſelf, hah.
Val.I brought her, Madam,
T’ advance my ſuit to you.
La.Will you ſee me abus’d
Sir
Swithin, look to your Neece, the t’other talks to
Whi.Kinde merry Gentlemen, Madam, when I
was young I would have done the like. Their com-
ing hither, was as ours was to note th’ inſtructi-
That are taught here. Pray ſir proceed. On with your
exerciſe, that we may all be edified.
Stri.We ſhall do ſo, Sir.
Val.But ſir, your Gentlewomen,
That paſt upon our entrance, where are they?
Stri.Sir, they were call’d in haſte to private pra-
With ſome great Ladies in an upper room.
Val.Umh ––– private practice. Well, I ſhall
Stri.And they being abſent, we ſhall for the pre-
Only deliver by theſe Gentlemen,
[N2v]A
The New Exchange.
A Song, a Daunce, and then
Entreat you take a taſte of a collation,
And all moſt fairly welcome. Speak
Monſieur Galli-
The heads of our chief Arts. Your ſilence, pray you.
Gal.The firſt is the due carriage of the body,
The proper motion of the head, hand, leg,
To every ſeveral degree of perſon,
From the Peaſant unto the Potentate;
To your inferiours how and when to uſe the Nod,
The Hum, the Ha, the Frown, the Smile,
Upon the fit occaſion; and to your equals,
The exacteſt, neweſt, and familiar motions
Of eye, of hand, of knee, of arme and ſhoulder,
That are in Garbe, in Congee, Crindge, or Shrug,
In common Courteſie, or Complement.
Laſtly, for your Addreſſes to
Superiours.
The Honours, Reverence, or Obeyſances,
Proper unto the quality or eſtate
Of perſon whatſoever. And ſo much
For carriage and behaviour. In the next place
You ſhall have rules for the more graceful wearing
Of your Apparel, with the natural Reaſons,
Why ſome mans hat does better in his hand
Then on his head, and why his coat hangs neater
Upon his elbow, then upon his back,
As alſo
Reaſons for Tunes bringing up.
And marriages, together of the faſhions
Of man and woman, how his Callet, and her
Black-bag, came on together; how his pocket-combe,
To ſpruce his Perrule, and her
Girdle-glaſſe,
To order her black paſhes, came together;
How his walking in the ſtreets without a cloak.
And her, without a man came up together;
Of theſe, and of a hundred more the like,
We ſhall demonſtrate reaſons and inſtructions.
N 3Shall
The New Academy,Or
Shall render you moſt graceful in each faſhion.
The next are ſkills in inſtruments, ſong and dancing.
Stri.Enough, thoſe ſhall be made familiar to you
By voice and action inſtantly. A Song there.
S O N G.
Whim.Admirable pretty ſtill.
Er.Are theſe your
Gentlewomens voices, ſir?
Val.What do you keep ’hem up like Nuns,
But may it pleaſe yee
Gentlemen and Ladies,
Now to obſerve the practice of our feet
Neh.That came
I to learn,
And to ſpeak
French, do you think ſir, you can bring
My mouth to handle the
French tongue handſomly.
La.He’s apt to learn, ſir, I can tell you that.
Gal.Yes,
I ſhall bring his Mout to it. But his Mout
is yet a leetel too wide. But he ſhall have ſome of de wa-
ter dat de woman uſe for anoder ting, to bring it bet-
ter together; and he ſhall ſpeak like de Franſh
Neh.Pray ſir, if you can like the Ladies daughter of
Er.Now
Val. thou knoweſt the way.
Val.I wonder ſir, ’Mongſt all your Arts and Sci-
You have ſo little judgement in a face,
Does his mouth appear wide to you? what falſe
[N3v]Stri.
The New Exchange.
Stri.Pray ſir take no offence. Here was none meant.
Val.Slander is no offence then. He has injur’d,
By breathing an aſperſion on that face,
The life of beauty, and the ſoule of ſweetneſſe.
Gal.Begar
Monſieur, you ſhall no point out mouth,
No, nor out-face the Frenſh man with your great Bull-
beef, and Muſtard Engliſh looks.
Er.Nay, gentle
Val. forbear.
This mouth that knowingly ſayes he dares except
Againſt a tittle of his face or perſon.
But as he is an ignorant ſtranger, and
I muſt reſpect the company. I forbear.
La.However ſir,
I can but thank your love in t.
Val.Pardon my plainneſſe, Madam.
I never was ſo ta’ne with Maſculine beauty.
And till I winne a woman that is like him,
Or has been like him, I can but languiſh.
La.They told me I was like him, when I was
And let me tell you y’are a comely Gentleman.
And be you but as honeſt as y’are handſom, you de-
Val.Umh, ’tis a hard matter to bring thoſe ends to-
Neh.Mother f’ſooth. Here’s a man now for you to
Beyond the Knight or
Ephraim!
La.Were I free from the old Knight,
I could look
Ra.Come ſervant, come away.
Val.By no meanes, Myſtreſſe, I do but ſooth her up
If you out-ſtay her not, you loſe your honour,
She’ll brag ſhe has out-look’t you, If you ſtart.
[N4r]Ra.
The New Academy, Or
Ra.Nay, and ſhe go to that, I hope
I can,
Look as ill favouredly as her ſelfe, or a better
Woman then ſhe, and ſtay in ſpight of her, hah.
Val.’Tis well done, Myſtris, Madam ſhall I tell
But I would pray you not to ſtorme, but laugh
She ſayes you are no match for me.
Val.And knowing I aim at none but ſome great wi-
Tells me ſhe knows her huſband’s but ſhort-liv’d.
I feare ſhe means to break his heart.
Val.No words, good Madam.
Whim.Yet more whiſpering.
Pray Madam let us go. Neece come away,
For I fear Madam, as you wiſely doubted,
This is no companie for us.
I am not yet ſo tied, but I may ſafelie
Uſe my own freedom, I’le go when I pleaſe.
Whim.O
Griſſel, Griſſel, when would’ſt thou have
Bli.Loves power, I hope, hath wonne on deſtinie.
T’appoint this day for my delivery.
Er.Nay, good Sir
Swithin, ––– Ladies ––– we
Dauncing to come, and a Collation promis’d.
Enter Camelion.
Stri.Yes Gallants, now w’are readie, we but ſtayed
for this fourth man here.
Where is your wife? I hope your jealouſie.
[N4v]Locks
The New Exchange.
Cam.Piſh,
Honi ſoit. I hate it.
No, ſhe has been preparing of a banquet,
Which now is ready for you, worthy Mr.
Lightfoot,
And your faire company; jealouſie I deſie
The baſe horne Ague, Mr.
Aſkal I.
La.What does he call you?
Raſcal?
My name is
Aſkal. But the R in Maſter
Runs into’t ſo, that ſometimes it ſounds doubtful.
I muſt be Knighted,
Euphoniœ gratia.
Sir
Valentine Aſkal will come fairly off.
Cam.Now note me Mr.
Aſkal, and tell me if ever
jealous man came ſo lightly off.
Enter Hannah.
Daunce.
Han.Sir, your collation ſtayes.
Stri.’Tis well, Gallants and Ladies
Omn.Agreed, agreed, of all ſides.
Ex. Omn.
