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The New Academy

Edited by M. Leslie

Act. V. Scœn. I.
Enter Lafoy, Hardy, Matchil.

3001
Laf.Inhoſpitable! ’tis inhumane, paſt
3002
The cruelty of infidels.
3003
Mat.Thou ſpeak’ſt
3004
But thine own barbarous cruelty, hollow Frenchman.
3005
Laf.Abominable hypocrite.
3006
Mat.Cunning Villain.
3007
Har.Fie Gentlemen, forbear this unknown lan-
3008
guage.
[N5r]And


The New Academy,Or
3009
And either ſpeak to others underſtanding,
3010
If you ſpeak Juſtice.
3011
Mat.Give me then my ſonne.
3012
Laf.Thou haſt thy ſonne, give me my ſonne and
3013
daughter.
3014
Har.Pray Gentlemen, if you’ll not hear each o-
3015
ther, yet both hear me.
3016
Mat.I pray Captain ſpeak.
3017
Har.You had his ſonne to foſter; he your daughter.
3018
You faithfully affirme you ſent his ſonne
3019
For England a moneth ſince.
3020
Laf.And mine own with him.
3021
Har.You have confeſt you put away his daughter.
3022
Mat.And mine own with her, through her diſobe-
3023
ence.
3024
But ’twas upon advertiſement by letter,
3025
That he had firſt caſt off my ſonne to an
3026
Untimely death.
3027
Har.Some Villain forg’d that letter,
3028
And let me tell you ſir, though in your houſe,
3029
Lafoy’s an honeſt and a temperate man.
3030
You are raſh and unadviſ’d, what Lafoy ſpeaks
3031
I will maintain for truth: what you have done
3032
I wiſh you could make good; But I may fear
3033
You are mark’t out by your own wilfulneſſe,
3034
The ſubject of much woe and ſad misfortune.
3035
Mat.I know not what I am; but did you know
3036
The number, and the weight of my afflictions,
3037
You could not chide me thus without ſome pity.
3038
Har.Indeed I pity you, and now y’are calme,
3039
Know that Lafoy ſent his ſonne over with yours,
3040
And but for ſome affaires he had with me,
3041
I’th’ Iſle of Wight he had embarqu’d himſelf
3042
With them, and brought ’hem to you.
3043
Mat.There’s hope then yet
3044
That my boy lives.
[N5v]Hard.


The New Exchange
3045
Hard.And is come over feare not.
3046
Mat.You comfort me, and now Lafoy y’are wel-
3047
come.
3048
Laf.But to what comfort, having loſt my daugh-
3049
ter.
3050
Mat.Loſt or loſt not, mine’s with her. And I
3051
purpoſe now to be ſad no longer. For I think
3052
I ha’ loſt my wife too, there’s a ſecond comfort.
3053
Har.Take an example here Monſieur Lafoy.
3054
And ſhake of ſadneſſe; mirth may come unlook’t
3055
for.
3056
Har.I ha’ loſt a ſonne too, a wild roaring Lad,
3057
About this town. And if I finde not him,
3058
I doubt not I ſhall finde, that he has ſpent me
3059
A hundred pound ſince I laſt heard of him.
3060
By the way ſir, I ſent you a bill of change
3061
Laſt moneth, to pay a hundred pieces for me.
3062
Mat.’Twas paid. I have your bill for my diſcharge.
3063
How now?
3064
Ha’ you found your Myſtreſſe.

Enter Servant.

3065
Ser.No tidings of her, ſir.
3066
Mat.She has found then ſome good exerciſe, I doubt
3067
not.
3068
That holds her ſo.
3069
Ser.Sir, there’s a Gentleman
3070
Craves inſtant ſpeech with you.
3071
Mat.Who? or whence comes he?
3072
Ser.He will be known to none before he ſees you.
3073
And, when you ſee him, he ſayes he thinks you’ll know
3074
him.
3075
He’s a brave gallant, one o’the Alamodes,
3076
Nothing but French all over.
3077
Mat.Fetch him me quickly,
[N6r]It


The New Academy, Or
3078
It is my ſonne. Grammercie mine own heart,
3079
That waſt not light ſo ſuddenlie for nothing,
3080
Pray Gentlemen, who e’re you ſee, name no man
3081
To me, unleſſe I aſk you. He comes, he comes.


Enter Caſh.

3082
I’m grown a proper man. Heaven make me thank-
3083
ful.
3084
Juſt ſuch a ſpark was I at two and twenty,
3085
Set cloathes and faſhion by. He thinks to try
3086
If I can know him now. But there I’le fit him.
3087
With me ſir is your buſineſſe?
3088
Caſh.I preſume
3089
You do not know me, ſir.
3090
Mat.As well as he that got him,
3091
Pray Gentlemen keep your countenances. Not know
3092
you ſir?
3093
’Tis like I may have known you heretofore,
3094
But cannot readily collect; perhaps
3095
You are much chang’d byTravel, Time, and Bra-
3096
very,
3097
Since I laſt ſaw you. There he may finde
3098
I partly gueſſe, but will not know him yet.
3099
Good Gentlemen ſay nothing.
3100
Har.What ailes he troe.
3101
Caſh.He knowes me, I feare, too ſoon. If now my
3102
plot faile, and he have a Counterplot upon me. I am
3103
laid up.
3104
Caſh.Do you not know me yet ſir.
3105
Mat.Know you, or know you not ſir, what’s your
3106
buſineſſe.
3107
Caſh.You ſometimes had a ſonne ſir.
3108
Mat.Now he comes to me.
3109
I had ſir. But I hear he’s ſlain in France.
[N6v]And


The New Exchange.
3110
And farewel he. Mark how I handle him.
3111
And what ſir of my ſonne?
3112
Caſh.He’s dead you ſay.
3113
Mat.I muſe the Knave aſkes me not bleſſing
3114
though.
3115
Caſh.But to ſupplie his loſſe you have a daugh-
3116
ter
3117
That may endear a ſonne, ſir, to your comfort.
3118
Mat.Whither now flies he trow! Sir, do you know
3119
her.
3120
Or where to finde her?
3121
Caſh.Firſt upon my knees
3122
Let me implore your pardon.
3123
Mat.Now he comes home: And I can hold no
3124
longer.
3125
My bleſſing boy, thou meaneſt. Take it, and wel-
3126
come
3127
To a glad father. Riſe, and let my teares,
3128
If joy confirm thy welcom.
3129
Caſh.I may not riſe yet ſir.
3130
Mat.No? why? what haſt thou done? where’s
3131
young Lafoy?
3132
My true friends ſonne here? whom I now muſt
3133
lock
3134
Up in theſe armes, amidſt a thouſand welcomes:
3135
Where’s the young man?
3136
Caſh.I know not who you mean ſir.
3137
Mat.Diſtract me not.
3138
Laf.I feare you are deſtraught.
3139
I know not him. How ſhould he know my ſon.
3140
Mat.Let me look nearer.
3141
Caſh.Sir, I am your Prentice.
3142
Mat.Whow–––whow, whow, who–––my Thiefe
3143
and Runaway.
3144
Caſh.Pray ſir afford me hearing.
3145
Mat.Sir, your cauſe
3146
Requires a Judges hearing.
[N7r]Caſh


The New Academy, Or
3147
Caſh.I have put me
3148
Into your hands, and not without much hope,
3149
To gaine your pardon, and your daughters love.
3150
Mat.’Tis roundly ſpoken. Gentlemen, I’le tell
3151
you.
3152
This gallant youth, has gallanted away
3153
A thouſand pound of mine.
3154
Caſh.For your advantage ſir: For
3155
By this way
3156
Of Gallantry, as you call it, I have travell’d
3157
Through the Reſorts and Haunts publike and pri-
3158
vate
3159
Of all the Gallants in the Town. In brief
3160
I have found your daughter, where ſhe had been loſt
3161
For evet in your brother Strigoods hands.
3162
Mat.Canſt bring me thither?
3163
Laf.Is my daughter with her?
3164
Caſh.Madam Gabriella, the French Damſel’s there.
3165
And others, men and women, whom you’ll know when
3166
you come there.
3167
Laf.Good ſir, lets haſten thither.
3168
Mat.You’ll aid me, ſirs?
3169
Har.Yes, with our lives and fortune. Ex.omnes


Scœn. 2.

Enter Eraſmus, Blithe, Camelion.

3170
Er.Be fearleſſe Lady, and upon my life,
3171
Honour, and faith; you are ſecure from danger.
3172
Bli.Sir, I have put me in your hands you ſee
3173
So liberally that I may feare to ſuffer,
3174
If not a cenſure, yet a ſuppoſition
3175
Of too much eaſineſſe, in being led
3176
So ſuddenly ſo farre towards your deſire,
3177
But my opinion of your nobleneſſe
3178
Joyn’d with your Proteſtation, pleads my pardon
[N7v]At


The New Exchange.
3179
At leaſt it may, the wretchedneſſe conſidered,
3180
To which I was enthrall’d.
3181
Er.It is not more my love
3182
Unto your vertue, and your faire endowments.
3183
Then pity in me labours your releaſe.
3184
Nor is it rather to enrich my ſelf.
3185
Then to ſave you from ſo immenſe a danger,
3186
As you had fallen into by yielding under
3187
Your Uncles weakneſſe in ſo ſond a match.
3188
Bli.Bleſſe me from being fool-clog’d.
3189
Er.Now you are free.
3190
If you can think your ſelf ſo, and but yield
3191
Unto my preſent Counſel.
3192
Cam.Do ſo Lady
3193
Before you are miſt within. Here is the Cloſet,
3194
And here’s the Key in your own hands, And pre-
3195
ſently I’le fetch a Prieſt.
3196
Er.You ſee
3197
I ſtill deal fairlie w’ye; and give you power
3198
To keep guard on your ſelf.
3199
Bli.And yet I yield
3200
My ſelf your priſoner.
3201
Cam.In: ſome body comes.
3202
She will be yours. And let me tell you, ſir,
3203
I wiſh you as much joy with her, as I
3204
Have with my Cock.
3205
Er.You have befriended me
3206
In this good enterpriſe: And one good turne
3207
Requires another. And now for that I told you,
3208
Touching your wife, your Cock you ſo rejoyce in.
3209
Cam.Alas, alas, good Gentlemen, you would fain
3210
Ha’me be jealous. Honi ſoit, y’are ſhort.

Enter Val. Hannah.

3211
Er.Stand by and obſerve.
[N8r]Val.


The New Academy,Or
3212
Val.Do you begin to boggle,
3213
And when I ſend for twenty pieces, do you
3214
Send me but ten?
3215
Cam.What’s that?
3216
Er.Nay mark.
3217
Val.I pray,
3218
What have I had in all by your account.
3219
Han.At ſeveral times, you have had fifty pounds of
3220
my poor huſbands money.
3221
Val.What’s that to the free pleaſure of my body
3222
Which muſt afford you ſweet and luſtie payment?
3223
You froward Monkey. But perhaps you ha’ got
3224
Some new-found Horn-maker, that you may think,
3225
Deſerves your husbands money better, for
3226
Doing his Journey-work, one o’the Monſieurs,
3227
Or both perhaps i’th’ houſe here under’s Antlers,
3228
It muſt be ſo, why elſe of all the town,
3229
Muſt I be one o’th’ last that muſt take notice
3230
Of your new College here, your brazen-face Col-
3231
lege
3232
Of feates and fine fagaries? do you grow weary of
3233
me?
3234
Han.Do you grow wilde? ſpeak lower, do you mean
3235
to undo me?
3236
Val.Will tother fifty pound undo thee, I have
3237
loſt
3238
All that I had within among your Monſieurs.
3239
And you muſt yield ſupply or loſe a friend
3240
Of me.
3241
Cam.What a way would ſo much money have gone
3242
In betts at the ducking pond?
3243
Han.Will no leſſe ſerve your turn then fifty?
3244
Val.No leſſe. All makes (you know) but a juſt hun-
3245
dred.
3246
And there I’le ſtick; and ſtick cloſe to thee too,
3247
Elſe all flies open. What care I who knows
[N8v]Your


The New Exchange.
3248
Your credits breach, when you reſpect not mine.
3249
Cam.’Tis too well known already; All’s too open.
3250
My houſe, my purſe, my wife, and all’s too open.
3251
Han.O me, undone.
3252
Cam.Was ever loving huſband
3253
So much abus’d?
3254
Val.Enquire among your neighbours.
3255
Er.Be patient man.
3256
Cam.O thou cloſe whore.
3257
Val.Take heed, ſir, what you ſay.
3258
Eene now you ſaid ſhe was too open, ſir.
3259
Y’are in two tales already.
3260
Han.I feare he’s mad
3261
Or jealous, which is worſe.
3262
Val.Piſh, Honi ſoit.
3263
He jealous, he defies it.
3264
Cam.Do you deride me?
3265
Sir, you can witneſſe with me, he confeſt
3266
Receipt of fifty pounds my wife has lent him,
3267
(Falſe woman that ſhe is) for Horn-making,
3268
Job Journey-work.
3269
Han.You are deceiv’d.
3270
Cam.I know.
3271
(At leaſt I think) I am deceiv’d in both.
3272
My money and thy honeſty, but the Lawes
3273
In both ſhall do me right, or all ſhall flie for’t.
3274
I’le inſtantly to councel.
3275
Han.Hear me firſt.
3276
Er.By all meanes hear her firſt. Pray grant her
3277
that.
3278
Cam.I dare not look on her, leſt I be tempted
3279
To yield unto my ſhame and my undoing.
3280
Val.Will you not heare your Cock, your Nanſie,
3281
Nanny Cock.
3282
Han.Time was you would not ha’ denied me
3283
that.
OCam.


The New Academy, Or
3284
Cam.Nor any thing, if my Cock had but ſtood
3285
upon’t.
3286
Such was my love, but now,
3287
Han.But now y’are jealous.
3288
Cam.Have I not cauſe?
3289
Han.Here’s tother fifty pieces, take’hem ſir.
3290
They are full weight, and truly told.
3291
Val.Brave wench.
3292
Han.If you will law, ſir, you ſhall law for ſome-
3293
thing.
3294
Cam.What doſt thou mean?
3295
Val.I hope ſhe’ll humble him ſo,
3296
That he ſhall keep our chamber-door for us,
3297
While we get boyes for him. A dainty Rogue,
3298
She tempts me ſtrongly now. Would ſhe would
3299
call me
3300
About it preſently.
3301
Han.That money ſir
3302
May ſerve to countenance you among the Gameſters
3303
Within, that blew you up. The Lady widow
3304
May think the better of your credit too,
3305
Being ſo good i’th’ houſe.
3306
Val.I’le ſtreight amongſt ’em.
3307
Cam.Councel me not ſir. All my joyes are gone.
3308
I cannot think now what a ducking pond
3309
Can be good for, except to drown me in’t.
3310
Er.Alas, poor man, I was in this too buſie.
3311
Han.Stay, you ſhall promiſe me before my hus-
3312
band,
3313
That you will never more attempt my chaſtity.
3314
Val.That bargaine’s yet to make. Though before
3315
him
3316
I may ſay much, I will not ſtand to that
3317
For all the wealth he has.
3318
Han.You ſhall proteſt
3319
Then, fairly, as you are a Gentleman
[O1v]You


The New Exchange.
3320
You never have enjoy’d me.
3321
Cam.I like that.
3322
Val.No, no, I cannot ſafely, for in that
3323
I ſhall ſurrender up my intereſt
3324
In’s houſe; and he may warne me out on’t. No,
3325
Take heed o’that. ’Tis not his tother hundred
3326
Shall make me ſlip that hold.
3327
Cam.I am loſt again.
3328
Han.What a bold thief is this! Pray heare me,
3329
ſir.
3330
You may remember that I aſk’t you once
3331
What Countreyman you were.
3332
Val.Yes, when you firſt caſt your good liking on me,
3333
and I told you.
3334
O’th’ Iſle of Wight: And what o’ that?
3335
Han.And you
3336
Call Captain Hardyman, their father-in-law.
3337
Val.You wrong me baſely, to ſay I call him any
3338
thing: for he gives me nothing.
3339
Han.You wrong him baſely. Look you, Can you
3340
reade.
3341
Val.I had done ill to venter (as I ha’ done)
3342
On Salisbury plain elſe. Hah, what’s here
3343
That daughter, I ſent you order to receive for me an
3344
hundred pounds. If you finde that your brother the
3345
Spendthriſt Val. Aſkal, (Zookes that I) be in any
3346
want, furniſh him according to your own diſcretion.
3347
I am Val. Aſkal, where’s the money? My hundred
3348
pound, ha’ you’t.
3349
Han.It ſeems a Siſter of yours had it.
3350
Ha’ you a ſiſter?
3351
Val,He had a daughter by my mother, but
3352
He plac’d her out a childe, I know not where.
3353
Where’s that young whore trow? Hannah I think
3354
her name was. Hang me if I know directly.
3355
Cam.My wives name’s Hannah, ſir.
O 2Han.


The New Academy, Or
3356
Han.I am that ſiſter, brother, but no whore.
3357
Er.Now Val. your brags to make men think you
3358
lay with her.
3359
Han.You have your hundred pound ſir. Look you,
3360
huſband.
3361
This is my fathers letter which you wrote on.
3362
That which you dar’d the devil and Clerks to coun-
3363
terfeit, reade your own hand.
3364
Cam.Honi ſoit qui maly penſe.
3365
Er.I muſt admire this woman.
3366
Val.Do'ſt think I did not know thee.
3367
Han.No ſir, nor would I that you ſhould,
3368
Till l had foil’d you in your courſe,
3369
And had my will to make my huſband jealous.
3370
Cam.My Cock, my Cock again, my Nanny cock,
3371
Cock-all, my Cock-a-hoop, I am overjoy’d,
3372
See, ſee thy father too.

Enter Matchil, Hardy, Lafoy, Caſh.

3373
Mat.This is the woman.
3374
To whom I paid your money.
3375
Hard.’Tis my daughter–––
3376
My bleſſing on you.––– What are you here too.
3377
Val.And aſk you bleſſing too. Your hundred pound
3378
Has bound me to’t. Heaven bleſſe you, Here’s halfe
3379
one ſtill, yes, and the better halfe, for tother’s ſpent.
3380
Hard.O y’are a great good huſband.
3381
Val.I would be one. And here’s a good rich wi-
3382
dow
3383
Now in the houſe, your countenance may help me,
3384
My Siſter and my Brother both can tell you,
3385
How orderly and civilly I live.
3386
Cam.O wag.
3387
Hard.Tis like ſir, I ſhall prove your Furtherer.
3388
What is ſhe?
[O2v]Val.


The New Exchange.
3389
Val.That Merchants Siſter, and a Lady ſir.
3390
I would not have him heare.
3391
Hard.We ll talk aſide then. [talk aſide.
3392
Mat.In that I’m partly ſatiſfied.
3393
Er.I love you ſir,
3394
And waited on your wife but as your Spie,
3395
For feare he might have led her to more folly.
3396
Mat.But ſaw you not two ſuch Damſels here?
3397
Er.Here are
3398
Some in the houſe that would not be ſeen by us.
3399
Caſh.Becauſe they thought you’d know ’hem.
3400
Er.And if that
3401
Old fellow be your brother Strigood, ’tis moſt ſtrange.
3402
Mat.You know not him here do you?
3403
Er.No not I.
3404
Mat.’Tis my man Caſh.
3405
Er.Moſt wonderful.
3406
Mat.We ſhall know more anon.
3407
Laf.Pray haſte ſir, to diſcovery: I would faine
3408
Once ſee my daughter.
3409
Mat.I would ſee a little
3410
The faſhions o’the houſe firſt.
3411
Caſh.Pray obſcure
3412
Your ſelves in that by-room there, where you may
3413
See and hear all that paſſes, nor can any
3414
Paſſe out o’th’ houſe without your notice.
3415
The Gentlemen and I will mix again
3416
With the Society, if they pleaſe.
3417
Er.Agreed.
3418
Within Strigood.Where are you Gentlemen?
3419
Er.Come away Val.
3420
Mat.Is not that the Hell-hounds voice?
3421
Caſh.Yes, ’tis your brother.
3422
Mat.Good Captain go with us upon diſcovery.
3423
Han.I’le ſeat you to ſee all, and be unſeen.
O 3Cam.


The New Academy,Or
3424
Cam.Do ſo good Cock. Do ſo now ſir, I’le fetch
3425
the Prieſt. Ex. Han. Hard. Mat. Lafoy.

Enter Strigood.

3426
Stri.O Gentlemen, you have loſt ſuch ſport, the
3427
Lady
3428
And Merchants wife have been by th’ eares.
3429
Caſh.Could not
3430
The old Knight part ’hem?
3431
Stri.He has done his beſt,
3432
And almoſt loſt his eyes in the adventure
3433
Betwixt the Furies tallons.
3434
Er.But are they friends agen?
3435
Stri.And deep in complement.
3436
Our ſchool affords no ſuch in act or language.

Enter Lady, Rach.

3437
La.Siſter, Indeed I am too much your trouble.
3438
Ra.Pray Madam let me ſerve you truly truly.
3439
I’le be your ſervant for a yeare and a day.
3440
La.Indeed, indeed you wrong your ſelf, I am
3441
yours.
3442
Ra.I am your ſervants ſervant, and will ſerve
3443
Under your Ladiſhips Cook to do you ſervice.
3444
La.Indeed you may not.
3445
La.If I may not be
3446
Accepted for your houſehold ſervant, let me
3447
Become your Chare-woman in any office
3448
From Cupboard to Cloſe-ſtool, I can do all
3449
To do your Ladiſhip ſervice.
3450
Val,This now ſavours of Complement indeed.
3451
Ra.In ſooth, ’tis ſooth, forſooth the tale I tell
3452
you.
[O3v]Enter


The New Exchange.

Enter Neh.

3453
Neh.Well acted mother.
3454
La.Y’ are too obſequious
3455
Good gentle Siſter.
3456
Ra.I am ſhort of good.
3457
Gentle I grant I am, for I bite nobody.
3458
Command me then ſweet Madam.
3459
Neh.And very well acted Nant.
3460
La.O you ſhall pardon me.
3461
RaI am no Pope, for your ſake would I were.
3462
La.Your courteſie o’recomes me.
3463
Ra.O not ſo.
3464
I wiſh it could forſooth, would it were better for you.
3465
Neh.Exceeding well acted o’both ſides
3466
Mother and Aunt f’ſooth, Amardla you have done’t
3467
Better then the two School-Myſtreſſes to day
3468
Could do their Whatſhicomes, their Complements
3469
I think you call ’hem. But I ha’ loſt my Myſtreſſe
3470
To complement withal. Mrs. Blithe Tripſhort
3471
Has out-ſtrip’t me, Amardla that ſhe has.
3472
La.Where’s her wiſe Uncle ſhould ha’ look’t to her.
3473
Neh.He’s crying all about the houſe for her,
3474
But cannot finde her. How ſhall I have her now?
3475
La.Thou ſhalt not have her boy, ſhe’s naught.
3476
Neh.Then he’s
3477
Naught too. You ſha’nt have him.
3478
La.Nor will, I feare not.
3479
Neh.Think of the Gentleman mother that out-
3480
fac’d
3481
The Frenchman for me. I would you had a thouſand
3482
ſuch in France now.
3483
Val.God-a-mercy boy.
3484
Er.Peace, hear a little more.
[O4r]Enter


The New Academy, Or

Enter Camelion.

3485
Cam.Sir, come away.
3486
I have found a careleſſe Curate, that has nothing
3487
but a bare Coat too looſe ſhall chopt’t up preſently.
3488
And give him but a piece, he’ll fear no Cannon.
3489
Er.I am bound to thee for ever. Ex. Cam. Er.
3490
Stri.Whither goes he?
3491
Val.No matter, let him go t’untruſſe perhaps.

Enter Whimlby, Ephraim.

3492
Eph.I ſay ſhe is i’th houſe.
3493
Whim.She’s gone, ſhe’s gone.
3494
Whim.She’s ſlowen out of a window, or chimney-
3495
top then.
3496
I’m ſure I wrtch’t the door with epen eyes
3497
E’re ſince you entred, as my Lady charg’d me,
3498
Leſt her childe might ſlip out to play i’th’ ſtreet.
3499
Neh.And I am here you ſee. He cannot ſee
3500
He has no more eyes then a ſucking pig.
3501
And yet he weeps like a roaſted one.
3502
Whim.I am abus’d,
3503
And render me my Neece,
3504
You have ſtolne her for your ſonne.
3505
La.My ſonne defies her,
3506
As I do you, old whining wither’d fellow,
3507
That has no moiſture in him but for teares.
3508
Val.That is my Cue. A young well-govern’d man
3509
Were fitter, Madam.
3510
Ra.Where have you been ſervant?
3511
Val.I ſpeak to my Lady.
3512
Ra.My Lady, I think you ſaid.
3513
Are you ſo ſtout ſir, hah?
3514
LaI rather think he playes the cunning hypocrite
[O4v]With


The New Exchange.
3515
With his falſe teares, and packt her hence himſelf.
3516
RaMy Lady mindes you not, and I can learn
3517
To give you a broad-ſide too.
3518
Eph.Madam, that cannot be, for I have ſeen
3519
All that went out, or came into the houſe
3520
Since you. Here came a Church-man in ere while.
3521
Whim.A Churchman! then I feare ſhe’s cloſely mar-
3522
ried unto her wo and mine.
3523
Neh.Perhaps to me.
3524
Behinde my back you ſaid ſhe would do ſo.
3525
And before him came in your brother Matchil.
3526
La.My brother, who her huſband?
3527
Eph.Yes, with others.
3528
Ra.My huſband, I think you ſaid. What a foule
3529
houſe theſe waſhing dayes make?
3530
Val.Nay, ’tis no Jeſt. Now Ladies let me tell you,
3531
And ſad Sir Swithin; pray lend all your eares.
3532
Stri.Caſh, we are betrayed Caſh if we be not nimble.
3533
I ſmell a Fox. Hy thee up quickly Caſh,
3534
And hurry down the wenches. We’ll make bold with
3535
My Ladies Coach to hurry us away.

Enter Matchil, Hardy, Lafoy, Hannah.

3536
Mat.But not too faſt, Go ſir, fetch down the
3537
wenches.
3538
Thou ſhameleſſe Reprobate. Doeſt thou hang thy
3539
head now?
3540
I’le take a courſe to hang the reſt o’thee.
3541
Your Ladiſhips well met at the new ſchool,
3542
So is your Chare-woman. Ha’ you profited
3543
By the devils doctrine here? you weep ſir Swithin
3544
For the iniquity of the times.
3545
Neh.You mean
3546
His Neece, pray Vncle did you meet her,
3547
She’s gone away too, after my Couſin Joyce,
[O5r]And


The New Academy,Or
3548
And the French maid, I think, ſhe is here agen.

Enter Eras. Blithe, Camelion.

3549
Amardla, wipe your eyes, and look Sir Swithin,
3550
The tother honeſt Gentleman has found her.
3551
And let him take her for his paines for me.
3552
Er.I thank your love. But ſir, ’tis your conſent
3553
We only ſeek.
3554
Mat.Sir Swithin, let ’em have it,
3555
Mat.This is the Gentleman I would have ſpoke for:
3556
In birth, in meanes, in perſon every way
3557
Deſerving her. Take him upon my word.
3558
Hard.And Madam, ſince you ſtick but upon Joyn-
3559
cture,
3560
Having heard lately well of his huſbandry.
3561
Han.Thank a good ſiſter, ſir.
3562
Hard.I will ſecure you
3563
Three hundred pounds a year, your brother knows me.
3564
Mat.Will make good his word. Agree by your
3565
ſelves.
3566
Lad.Upon theſe termes, ’tis like we ſhall agree.
3567
Sir Swithin are you pleas’d.
3568
Whim.Pleas’d or diſpleas’d.
3569
It ſeems they are married.
3570
Cam.Yes, I aſſure you,
3571
I ſaw their hands joyn’d, and I heard ’hem both
3572
Anſwer the Prieſt.
3573
Whim.I will no longer whine.
3574
Heaven give you joy, As y’are your owne, y’are
3575
mine.
3576
Cam.There are more weddings i’th’ houſe, your
3577
daughters,
3578
Are linck’t by this time to the two young Frenchmen.
3579
Mat.His daughters? ours I fear? what French? where
3580
are they?
[O5v]Enter


The New Exchange.

Enter Caſh, two ſonnes, Joy, Gab.

3581
Caſh.Here ſir, undone I feare.
3582
Mat.What are you married.
3583
Mat. Jun.Sir, ſhe is mine, I muſt and will main-
3584
tain it.
3585
Laf. Jun.And ſhe is mine.
3586
Laf.This is your ſonne. And this
3587
Is mine.
3588
Mat.This is your daughter. And this mine. Each
3589
married to her brother.
3590
Laf. Jun.Mon Pere Je deſire veſtre Benediction Jour
3591
pour moy & ma fennue.
3592
Laf.You are loſt children all, was ever thread
3593
By fate ſo croſſely ſpun, ſo croſſely wed?
3594
Mat.I know not how to bleſſe you, or to look
3595
On your inceſtuous eyes.
3596
Laf. Jun.What is dat Inceſt,
3597
We have commit noting, we have no time,
3598
Since we were marry for ſo much as kiſſe,
3599
Begar no point ſo much as but one kiſſe.
3600
Har.Be not diſmay’d. Theſe marriages are none.
3601
The errour of the perſons nullifies
3602
The verbal ceremony; and ’tis well
3603
They paſt not unto further rites: I’le finde
3604
A lawful way to clear all this. And then
3605
As you and they conſent, they ſhall exchange
3606
And marry in due order.
3607
Laf. Jun.Sir I tanck you.
3608
You’ave ſpeak very well. And we ſhall make.
3609
De exſhange preſently. A new exchange,
3610
De new Exſhange indeed, for de huſbands
3611
To ſhange the wifes before they can be wearie.
3612
Prenez mon frere, la voici la’ une pour lautre.
3613
Dere, is one for anoder.
[O6r]Har.


The New Academy, Or
3614
Har.Is each party
3615
Agreed, and ſo content?
3616
Ma. J. Gab.We are.
3617
Jo.And we.
3618
Laf. Ju.Wee wee, I en ſuis tresbien contult.
3619
Mat. Ju.Provided that we have our fathers leaves
3620
and councels.
3621
Mat.Can you ſeek fathers leaves or councels now,
3622
That have run from ’hem in your diſobedience,
3623
Into the ſnares of hell: too farre I fear
3624
To be releaſt. O hell-bred Villain.
3625
Stri.Your brother o’ one ſide.
3626
Mat. Ju.Lend but a patient eare.
3627
And by my hopes of your deſired pardon
3628
I’le quit you of your feare. ’Tis true, my duty
3629
At my Arrival ſhould have wing’d me to you,
3630
But hearing of your late, ill talk’t on marriage.
3631
Mat.O that root of miſchief.
3632
And of my Siſters flight, as loth to appear to you,
3633
As to preſume a welcom; I was curious
3634
Firſt to obſerve the Town, and taſte the newes;
3635
When more by Providence then accident,
3636
Here we made choice of lodging, ſaw and lik’t
3637
The practices of the Society,
3638
Until this wicked man, (who ſtill preſumes
3639
To call you brother,) finding us youthful ſtrangers,
3640
And (as he might ſuppoſe) wanton–––
3641
Mat.He made
3642
A bargain with you for their Maidenheads.
3643
Cashtold me that, and how that helliſh purpoſe
3644
Was vertuouſly declin’d.
3645
Stri.O counterfeit Caſh.
3646
Mat.But muſt you therefore, knowing whoſe ſons
3647
you were.
3648
Marry you knew not whom.
3649
Mat. Ju.Pardon me, ſir,
[06v]Our


The New Exchange.
3650
Our loves were noble, and by due enquirie,
3651
Fetch’t from each others faithful breaſt, the knowledge
3652
Of each other.
3653
Mat.VVhat! and marry then
3654
Each his own Siſter? Riddle me not to death.
3655
Mat. Ju.Sir, I have done. And now that I have
3656
ſaid
3657
The worſt that might have hapned by his practice,
3658
To make his ſhame or his repentance greater,
3659
VVho only was my aim. VVe are not married,
3660
None of us all are married one to other.
3661
Cam.No, I aſſure you ſir. Howere I li’d
3662
At their requeſt, (ſmall matter for a friend)
3663
I ſaw all the hurt the Prieſt did here to day.
3664
That was upon them two there.
3665
Er.Thank you ſir.
3666
Mat.You ſhall be then. And ſo take hands in
3667
earneſt.
3668
Is’t not a double Match Lafoy?
3669
Laf.VVithout
3670
All manner of condition I conſent.
3671
Mat.I am full of joy.
3672
Caſh.O can you pardon me ſir.
3673
Mat.Good boy, good boy. I know not how a City
3674
Could ſtand without ſuch Prentices. And hope
3675
This wants few ſuch. But what canſt thou now ſay
3676
Brother, o’ one ſide for thy ſelfe. Speak quickly,
3677
VVhile the good humour holds me to be friends
3678
VVith all the world: yet yonder’s one lies heavy
3679
Athwart my ſtomack.
3680
Stri.Y’are full of joy you ſay.
3681
And I ſay had it been within my power,
3682
To have broke your heart, I had don’t. Therefore in me
3683
Be comforted and love me; for I finde
3684
I have no power to hurt you, and will therefore
3685
Attempt no further.
3686
Mat.Brotherly ſpoke in troth.
[O7r]And


The New Academy, Or
3687
And worthily worth an hundred mark a month,
3688
Shall ha’t.
3689
Stri.Know then into the bargain, that
3690
I forg’d the letter that ſuggeſted to you
3691
My Nephews death, in hope of means that way.
3692
Mat.Honeſtly ſaid agaiu. Now what ſay you?
3693
Ra.I ſay that I am humbled on my knees.
3694
I beg your pardon.
3695
Mat.All’s too well me thinks.
3696
But heark, before you break up ſchool; lets have
3697
One friſk, one fling now, one cariering dance,
3698
And then pack up.
3699
Omn.Agreed, Agreed, Agreed.
3700
Stri.Play then Les tous enſembles.
3701
Neh.That’s the French name on’t, Uncle, ’tis in Dutch
3702
call’d All-to-mall; and I call it in Engliſh.
3703
Omnium Gatherum, ’tis the daintieſt daunce.
3704
We had it here to day. I and my mother,
3705
My Aunt and all can daunce in’t, as well as the
3706
beſt,
3707
With every one in their own footing. Now obſerve.

Daunce.

3708
Mat.You have done well. Now pray lets break up
3709
ſchool.
3710
Hard.But yet not break up houſe. My ſonne and
3711
daughter
3712
Have given me power to call their Supper mine.
3713
To which I’le give you welcome, Ale and VVine.
Deus dedit his quoque finem, laus Deo.

FINIS.
Contact: brome@sheffield.ac.uk Richard Brome Online, ISBN 978-0-9557876-1-4.   © Copyright Royal Holloway, University of London, 2010