The Damoiſelle.
ACT. V. Scene I.
Frances, Magdalen, Jane, Alice.
Wine on a Table.
Fra.Tres bien venue Madames.
Mag.Good lack! And is it you, Mrs.
Alice? I’ſt
poſſible? Are you come to learn Carriage
too? I will make bold with tother Glaſſe of
Wine. At a word, J like your French Carriage
the better, that it allowes elder Women to
Ali.They have no other drink, except water. And
Maids are allowed but that.
Ja.And young wives (they ſay) wine with their
Mag.Mingle your Glaſſe, then, Daughter. This for
me. Your father has ſo ſought you Mrs.
Alice.
Ja.My Father has miſt us too, by this time.
Mag.But neither of ’em can dream French enough,
to direct ’em hither, J warrant you. And does
ſhe learn the Carriages very well,
Madam-
Fra.Madamoyſelle, ſi vous plaiſt.
Mag.What do yee cal’t? I ſhall never hit it. How
Do you finde your Schollar?
Fra.O, ſhe is very good. She learn very well.
Mag.But how much carriage hath ſhe learnt? Heark
F 4you
The Damoiſelle.
you Mrs.
Alice. Have you not learnt to carry
a man? Has not a good Huſband ſtolne you
J can think waggiſhly I tell you: And an old Ape has
Ali.No ſuch matter, Mrs.
Bumpſey.
Fra.VVhat is that you ſay?
Mag.I ask you how much carriage she has learnt?
Fra.She come but dis day; And she carry both
Mag.How ſay by that. I’ſt poſſible? Can she carry
both her hands in one day?
Fra.Yes, and before to morrow, she shall carry the
Mag.It ſeems, then, you teach handling before
footing in your French way.
Fra.You may learn dat of de leetle Shild. De lee-
tle Shild you ſee will handle de ting, before
it can ſet one foot to de ground. Come, let me
ſee you make a Reverance.
Mag.Reverance! VVhat’s that?
Fra.Tis dat you call a Curtſie. Let me ſee you
Fra.O fee, fee -- dat is de groſs engliſh Douck, for
de ſwagbuttock’d-wife of de Peſant.
Mag.How like you this then? There’s a Reverence
Fra.Fee, dat is worſe. See how you carry de hands
like de
Comedien dat act de shangling.
Mag.Shall I ever hit on’t troe? I muſt take tother
Ali.Take heed she does not take too much.
Ja.I hope she will not. But there’s no croſſing her.
Fra.Let me ſee your hands.
[F4v]Mag.
The Damoiſelle.
Mag.There they bee. They have been a little too fa-
miliar with Sea-coale fires, and much other
courſe houſwifry, which J ſhall utterly abhor,
and waſh off, when J have learnt to carry
But ſhall J ever do it, think you?
Fra.Yes, yes, and all your other parts and mem-
Mag.I may winne my Huſband to love mee Court-
Fra.To love, and lye with you Courtly.
Mag.That’s but ſeldome, I doubt.
Fra.You ſhall know all de waies to winne his Love,
Or any mans, to multiply your honour. ––––
Mag.I will ſo multiply then.
Fra.Not onely in your looks, your ſmiles and ſweet
(Beſides the help of Painting) that adorn
The face: But with the motion of each Lineament
Of the whole frame of your wel order’d body.
An Eye, a Lip, a finger ſhall not move;
A Toe trip unregarded. But your Geat
And your whole gracefull Preſence ſhall attract,
(Beyond affection) admiration:
Mag.Ile be a Nimph.
Diana and her Dearlings,
deare, deare, deare, &c,
[ ſing. ]
But may I paint, ſay you?
Fra.O moſt allowably; nay, commendably.
Mag.Tother Glaſs for that.
Fra.Then for the Art of dreſſing, ſetting forrh
Head, Face, Neck, Breaſt,; with which I will inſpire
To cover, or diſcover any part –––
[F5]Mag.
The Damoiſelle.
To hide shame, or shew all: that’s her meaning.
Fra.You ſhall have no defect perceiv’d, no grace
Mag.I am for the naked Neck and Shoulders, then.
For (I tell you Miſtreſs) I have a white Skin,
And a round ſtreight Neck; ſmooth and plump Shoul-
Free from French Flea-bits, and never a wrinckle
Neare’em, though I ſay’t.
Fra.’Thas been ſuggeſted by invective men,
Women, to juſtifie themſelves that way,
Began that Faſhion. As one tother ſide,
The faſhion of mens Brow-locks was perhaps
Devis’d out of neceſſity, to hide
All il-grac’d forehead; Or beſprinckled with
The outward Symptomes of ſome inward griefe.
As, formerly the Saffron-ſteeped Linnen,
By ſome great man found uſefull againſt Vermine,
Was ta’ne up for a fashionable wearing.
Some Lord that was no Niggard of his Beauty,
Might bring up narrow brims to publiſh it.
Another, to obſcure his, or perhaps
To hide defects thereof, might bring up broad ones.
As queſtionleſs, the ſtreight, neat timber’d Leg,
Firſt wore the Troncks, and long Silk-hoſe: As likely
The Baker-knees, or ſome ſtrange shamble shanks,
Begat the Ancle-breeches.
Took that conceit from us. What woman ſhewes
A Leg, that’s not a good one? –––
[ She ſhewes a
Fra.Theſe among men, are followed
ſwadled leg. ]
That were invented for the better grace.
(As our Attires) to ſet off Limb, or face.
[F5v]Mag.
The Damoiſelle.
Mag.Good lack! What knowledge comes from
Enter Dryground, VVat.
Dry.I prethee
Wat, have patience for an houre.
Wat.Not for a minute, Sir, Ile not be kick’d,
And call’d baſe Pandar for your baſeneſs.
Wat.And had almoſt been pump’d,
And made a ſport for Water-men i’th’ Thames.
Wat.Ile heare my Father ſooner. (Give me hence
My Siſter) were he a ravenous Beaſt, a Wolfe,
J would obey him rather then trudge a foot
Further in your baſe way. Heart J am hip-ſhot.
Dry.Now, would his Bodies paines convert his
Wat.J am in deſperate feare
O’th’ Mourning of the Chine too with the kicks,
And hunches they o’re laid me with. O baſe!
Without reſiſtance. Give me hence my Siſter.
Dry.But how was it my fault?
Wat.Was’t not your project?
Ali.No harm J warrant you.
Wat.Nay, it ſhall out. Your baſe inhumane Pro-
To ſell your Daughters Maiden-head. (J care not
Who heares me, J.) And cunningly to make me
Your Hackney-jade to fetch your Chapmen in.
Ja.What did my Huſband mean to wiſh us hither?
Wat.Baſeneſs! J cannot call it bad enough.
[F6]Dry.
The Damoiſelle.
Dry.You were as forward in it as my ſelfe,
And wooed me you might have her without all faults.
Wat.Mine eyes are opened now.
They were almoſt beaten out firſt.
Ere J will marry ſo, Ile take a Beggar,
And joyn in trade with her, though I get nothing
But ––– My name is
Vermine already, J
Thank a good Father for’t.
Dry.A Beggar-Wenches breed would propagate
Your name moſt numerouſly.
Wat.Much better then your Sale-ware, and more
J think J ſaw her to-day muſt be the woman,
Good Madame Polcat, the trim Schoole-miſtriſs.
Ile make bold with your Schollar. What! you have
Ile carry her and her Virginity
Unto ſome fitter place of Execution.
Ali.You brought me hither, Sir, and here Ile ſtay.
Wat.What! in a Bawdy-houſe?
Mag.O deare! and is it ſo? VVhat are we then?
Is this your boun faſhion? Is this the carriage of the
Body, that you would teach us? What, to bee
VVhores? We could learn that athome, and
there were need, without your teaching,
Ja.Mother; what do you mean?
Ali.Mrs.
Bumpſey; pray feare no harm.
Mag.O good lack! what will become of us? where
Betray’d! betray’d! Our honours are betray’d. O my
poor
Bump. how will thou take this at my hands,
though J carry them never ſo Courtly?
Dry.’Sfoot, ſhe’s in her Mawdlin fit: All her wine
[F6v]ſhowres
The Damoiſelle.
Mag.Oh, oh, oh, –––
[ She falls ]
Dry.Pray have her in. Look carefully to her,
Dry.Take the Bottle with yee.
Dry.In all to the next Room. –––
Exeunt Fra.
Wat.Sir, ſhe ſhall with me. Ile leave
Jane leading
her where I found her.
out Magda-
Dry.Sir, no ſuch matter.
len.
Wat.’Sfoot, Gentlewoman, muſt I kick you out o’
Dry.No, nor depart your ſelfe, but by Authority.
J am provided for you. Friends come in.
Enter two Sergeants.
Ser.We arreſt you, Sir; Nay, we ſhall rule you.
Wat.Ha, ha, ha. VVhy, this is well, and very hoſ-
VVould any man but an old Bawde ha’ done this?
Dry.Sir, I miſtruſted your Apoſtacy.
Since you revolt, J muſt recall my money;
Or lay you where J found you, as you threatened your
Wat.Baſer, and baſer ſtill. Are you a Knight?
A Knight, a Poſt-Knight. A Poſtillion,
That rides a fore-horſe, o’re the Eares in durt,
Three fingers thick, is not ſo baſe. You Varlets,
Do you arreſt folkes in a bawdy-houſe?
Ser.VVe do not finde it ſo; Or, if it be,
The place may be as honeſt as our Office.
Wat.Stay; Let me conſider,
[F7]If
The Damoiſelle.
If now my Father (as ſome in like caſes
Have done) would take a fine ſubmiſſion.
I could affoard to kneele and whine, me-thinks,
Rather then back to my old Ward again.
Twill nere be handſome though.
Enter Valentine.
Val.The buſineſs Gentlemen.
Sir, you reliev’d me lately. Could you now
But add another Favour, it might teach
One, that nere learnt to pray, to pray for you.
Do you not know me, Sir? ’Twas I you ſav’d
Val.Haſt thou been ſhav’d ſince?
Wat.No, Sir, I was diſguis’d.
Wat.Diſguis’d in villany, which I recant.
Val.Who knowes but he may prove an honeſt
Ser.We do not uſe to wait dry-fiſted; nor dry throa-
Wat.I would you were as wet all over, as I was like
to have been: Or, as you are Catchpoles, I
would you had been but in thoſe hands I eſ-
Dry.You have prevail’d, Sir.
Val.Sergeants you ſhall not out of the Houſe.
Here’s for halfe an houres attendance. Go into
that Room with your Priſoner. You ſhall have
Be of good cheere friend; if thou canſt be honeſt,
I can relieve thee; feare not.
[F7v]Wat.
The Damoiſelle.
Wat.Sir, get my Father but to ſay as much,
And you ſhall be Co-heire with me. I vow you ſhall
have halfe.
[ Exeunt Wat, Sergeants ]
Val.VVee’ll talk anon. The Youth appeares con-
Dry.There was no other meanes to work it by,
But that I us’d; to urg’d him paſt his Nature.
He was ſo free in’s Villany, that I
Giving the Spurs, ran him beyond his ſpeed;
Quite off his Legs, and glad to be led home.
Val.His Father comes on fairely: I have follow’d
All your Inſtructions concerning him,
And my fantaſtick Father-’Law. Both whom
Are hard at hand, with the wiſe weſtern Knight.
He too’s content to go to the beſt Ordinary,
VVhile tis beſt cheap he ſaies. VVhere are the women?
Dry.Your Mother-’Law, after ſhe had got
As much French Carriage, as might ſerve to furniſh
A petty Court; is fallen into a fit,
To over-throw it all againe.
But is the houſe cleare, Sir, of all your Riflers?
Dry.As I could wiſh; And well ſatisfied.
For, when they underſtood the honeſt end,
My Project aim’d at; which, by an Oration
VVell charg’d with virtuous Sentences, I forc’d
Into the nobler Breaſts: they all recanted
The barbarous purpoſe; and as freely left
Their money for that Charitable uſe,
To which I pre-intended it. The reſt
Purs’d theirs again. But yet I have collected
In this odd uncouth way, five hundred Pounds,
That was laid down at ſtake for a Virginity,
To make an honeſt ſtock for
Franck.
[F8]I may
The Damoiſelle.
I may fetch in my Gueſts In the meantime
You may be pleas’d, Sir, to peruſe this Baper. --
Exit.
Dry.How now! what’s here? How might he come
It is the ſcorn I ſent my injur’d Love;
My abus’d Elynor: The hand, that threw
Her from me. O, that at the price of it
Enter Oliver. Ambroſe.
VVe come to ſup w’yee. Does your Rifling hold?
Amb.What, you are off o’the hooks, me-thinks.
Ol.If there be no ſuch thing, tell us the Riddle?
Dry.You ſhall know all, and briefely.
Franck,
Enter Franck.
Ol.Let us ſalute her firſt. ---
Salute, then whiſper.
Dry.She does not taſt of ſin. Faire Chaſtity
Sits crown’d upon her Brow, with an aſpect,
May beat down Luſt to Hell, from whence it roſe.
Fra.You profeſſe Nobly, ſir.
Ol.I vow, and do not lye to you: If I finde
Your Father ſo inhumane, you againſt it:
VVee’ll be your Reſcue, if forty able ſword-men
VVhich we have, at the ſignall of a finger,
Planted in readineſs, can fetch you off:
Fran.Yes, and admire your goodneſs.
Ol.Now we are for you, ſir:
Dry.Then heare the ſtory; which your late Im-
[F8v]patience
The Damoiſelle.
patience would not permit.
In that high Phraſe, or tone, as you
Enter Valentine,
did then.
Val. Stand here, unſeene;
Bumpſey, Ver-
and heare attentively.
mine, Amphilus,
Dry.I am a Gentleman, that by
Brookall, Elynor,
(Heaven, Heaven I aſke thee pardon) once did wrong
To an unfortunate Family, by rejecting,
After affiance, and her love abus’d,
Ol.You got with child, and then deny’d her Marriage.
Val.No paſſion, gentle Soule.
Phil.If this ſhould prove my Father now! ----
Ol.Well Sir, your Gentlewoman!
Dry.Shee, on the diſcontent, (poore hapleſſe Soule)
Now fourteen Winters ſince though ſadly burden’d,
Fled, and no more is heard of: at the firſt
My wildneſſe took no ſenſe of this deare Loſſe;
But drew me through the wayes of careleſſe pleaſure,
By riotous expence, that mine eſtate
And Credit ran at waſte, and was nigh ſpent,
Untill my treſpaſſe cry’d againſt my Conſcience
To render ſatisfaction: but in vaine
We offer to the dead. My Genius therefore
Prompts me to gratefull deeds unto her Blood.
Amb.What can this come to?
Dry.Shee had a Brother, that loſt his eſtate
Dry.To a Corrupt Oppreſſor ----
Dry.Was ſtript out of the very Coat he wore,
GHad
The Damoiſelle.
Had nothing left him, but a Sonne ----
Ol.What’s all this to your Daughter?
Dry.Even all that may be; (ſee) His Sonne’s my
Now do you find my project Gentlemen?
It has at Charge of three dayes Houſe-keeping
Put halfe a thouſand pounds in’s purſe; Beſides
A faire pull for his Fathers Land againe:
For he has, by a lawfull Church-man, married
The Daughter of his Fathers Adverſary.
Ol.Why, here are wonders!
Dry.Come Mrs.
Alice; and juſtifie your Act.
Enter Alice
Fra.Your haes and hoes can not draw her from me,
Dry.By ſtronger Charmes, then your Art can dis-
ſolve. You know me now, Sir --- And my Project, do
you not?
Diſcovers himſelfe.
Ol. Amb.Sir
Humfrey Dryground.
Ver.I am ſtruck dum with wonder.
Val.Alaſſe ſhe ſwounes, Sir cheare you up this Lady,
While I appeaſe the reſt. A word with you Sir.
Amp.I will not be appeas’d.
Bump.So, cheare her up Sir
Humfry. To her againe
Sir
Humfry; your Sonne and mine in Law has told me all
your ſtory, and reconcil’d your Brother
Brookall to you
before your interview. I know all, the full point, and the
whole ſubſtance; the flat and plaine of the buſineſſe;
and now I love theſe things againe. How now, Sir
Am-
[G1v]philus
The Damoiſelle.
philus? Drown’d in Melancholly?
Amp.No: But and I were at the Ducking pond, I
know what I know. But when I drown my ſelfe, I’ll give
Ali.Your pardon, and your bleſſing, I beſeech you.
Ver.Hence.
Exit Valentine.
Broo.Was this thy Journey into
France my Boy?
High Providence hath made it good. But tell mee,
Was Love your chiefe Inſtructor to this Marriage?
Fran.Indeed it was equall in her and mee.
Ali.Pray Sir your bleſſing.
Broo.Turne this way for a bleſſing then my Daughter,
Bump.Shall I tell you Neighbour? Law has no re-
liefe for you; And Conſcience and you have a longe
time been ſtrangers. Could you be friends and embrace
Conſcience now, all would be well. And there’s the
Ver.Conſcience! do you know where ſhe is?
Enter Val. Wat. Magdalen, Jane.
Val.Heeres one has brought her in his true Conver-
Wat.Sir, if you can forgive, and can obey you -----
I now can better kneele, then ſpeak
He weeps
Val.Do you note thoſe teares, Sir? Had you loſt your
My Father had in this made you amends.
In finding you a Son. His Art converted him.
Ver.Sure, all’s but Apparition, or a dream.
Bump.Ha! Think you ſo? Tis your own fleſh and
blood: And by your leave and liking, may prove as ho-
neſt a Man, as his Father. Is not this plaine now? For-
give and bleſſe e’m all over, and ſo Kiſſe ’em too. They
G 2Mag.
The Damoiſelle.
Mag.O my deare
Bump! Art thou there? Thou
mayſt kiſſe, and forgive me all over too, for
any harm, or diſhoneſty; though the place be
as they ſay-at a word,
Bump. Thou mayſt be-
lieve me, I came but to learn Carriage of the
Body, nor to carry no bodies body, but my
owne body,
Bump. No truely, truely
Bump.
o --- o --- that ever I did that.
Bump.Peace, peace. All’s well. At leaſt I know your
Mag.Think me not drunk, good
Bump, a little
Amp.Faſhion-ſick! a fine civill word. To be drunk,
Ver.I am awak’d out of the Lethargy
Of Avarice: Bleſt may our Friendſhip be.
Dry.I will not ſleep, before the holy Prieſt
Has done the Office. Bleſſing on my Girle.
Val, Thou haſt made me young againe: the beſt
Occurrents in this Project have been thine.
Thy Accidents exceeded my deſigne.
Val.They do not yet ceaſe here: For ſee, the ſtrife
Betwixt theſe long continued Adverſaries
Perfectly reconcil’d; and both have given
The young and hopefull married paire their Bleſſings.
Amp.To which I have given my conſent moſt freely.
For it was
Nolens volens as they ſay.
Val.They are beholden to you. Mr.
Vermine
Reſtores unto the Son the Fathers Land,
For Dowry with his Daughter: And is taken
So with the good you wrought upon his Son,
The Convertite here; that if he ſtand firme
Till the determination of your Mortgage,
Hee l cancell it, and ſend it
Gratis to you.
Wat.That’s ſure enough. But Sir, the other buſineſſe
[G2v]Dry.
The Damoiſelle.
Val.The moſt to be admir’d of all;
He loves my Siſter here; and has done long:
But, now, that he perceaves her worth (being yours)
And, ſince you promis’d him your Daughter too,
He makes it his faire ſuit.
Dry.I’ll talk with his Father.
And
Wat ſtand you but firme, and live reform’d,
Winning my Daughters love, you ſhall have mine.
Phil.That Fortune is not blinde, that ſhew’d me way
To Father, Friends, and Huſband in one day.
Dry.This binds us all into a Brother-hood.
Bro.And with a Brothers Love I now ſalute you.
Dry.So may we with a generall embrace,
Create the Heart of Friendſhip, not the Face.
Come Gentlemen, your Ordinary ſtayes,
Twill prove good fare (I hope) though no rich Feaſt;
And acceptable to each welcome Gueſt.
[G3]Epilogue
Epilogue.
NO way ambitious yet of vulgar praiſe,
The writer of theſe Scenes deſires to know,
By your faire leave, though he aſſume no Bayes,
Whether he pull’d faire for a leafe or no.
If yes, then let your hands aſſiſtant be,
T’incourage him to climb Apollo’s tree.
F I N I S.
