Act. III. Sce. I.
Luckleſſe.
Luc.What has ſhee written here? It is the ſame hand I
I am not your counterfeit, or unchaſt Conſtance: But that on-
ly Conſtance, that truely loue you, and that will, if you liue not
Oh that I could at any price or penance
now redeeme one day! Neuer was haſty Match ſooner repented.
Enter Widgine, Anvile.
Wid.Hee’s melancholly mee thinkes. Slid my ſiſter may
lye long enough languiſhing for a Ladiſhip, if this fit hold
him: for ſhee has it not really till he goe to bed and dub her.
An.Will not you goe to bed sir? wee waite for your
Luc.I will. But is it time? Brother, would you would
doe me the fauour to inquire.
Wid.Yes, ile goe ſee for the Poſſets ſake.—
Ex.
Luc.Captaine, deale fairely with me. By what meanes
ioyned you with this ſociety? or how grew ſo ſoone your
truſt or great acquaintance with them?
An.Without offence ile tell you. You know this Mor-
ning at your Lodging, there paſt ſome words betwixt mee,
and your ſullen Kinſman, Maſter— indeed la,
Tridewell, and
from him too much indeed for me, a profeſt Souldier to
beare; But the place protected him. Till after vpon ma-
ture conſideration I made after him for ſatisfaction, thus
F 3arm’d
The Northern Laſſe.
arm’d as you ſee. Purpoſing with this Ropes end to right
me; and to maintaine that right with this ſword, which I
thanke
Mars neuer yet faild me; as it hath well beene mani-
feſted by the effuſion of much vnworthy blood of my abu-
ſers, in
France, Spaine, Italy, Poland, Sweden, Hungary, all
Luc.Good Captaine trauell not ſo farre in your relation:
but come home againe to the buſineſſe.
An.I have vs’d it in ſome ſcore or two of Sea fights too
Luc.But to the matter Captaine; where met you my
An.The firſt ſight I recouer’d of him, was as he was en-
tring the houſe of the greaſie Knight there, what call you him?
An.Squelch, I a pox ſquelch him, I waited a quarter of
an houre at his doore, for your Kinſman; and longer I would
not, had he beene Kinſman to the Emperour, and my Enemy.
Therefore in I went, told Master
Tridewell in his eare, my
comming was to call him forth, to diſchardge the office of
a Gentleman with his Sword, in anſwering thoſe wrongs
wherewith I held my reputation wounded. Was it not
well, ha? Could a poore Gentleman ſay more? and that in
ciuill faſhion very priuately in reſpect of the company,
not ſhewing any the leaſt diſtemper, in looke or geſture.
But the Women read preſently in his countenance the
whole matter; and briefly by their pretty perſwaſion I
tooke ordinary ſatisfaction of him.
Luc.What was that Captaine?
An.Why hee confeſſ’d hee wrong’d me, was ſorry for’t,
and ſo forth. What ſhould we ſpeake more on’t. This you
muſt not ſpeake of neither. You muſt promiſe me that o’
your honour, as you deſire to heare what followes; I
loue no ripping vp old ſoares.
Luc.Not a word I, Captaine vpon my word. What a
Raſcals this! to the point good Captaine.
An.Then thus sir? I ſoone perceiu’d, their drift to ap-
[F3v]peaſe,
The Northern Laſſe.
peaſe, and winne me to their friendſhip was for my aſſiſtance,
and indeede to beare them out in this nights worke, the
Maſke. The whole plot of all which was meerely to ſowe
diſſenſion between you and your new married Lady, to
worke if they can a ſeparation, before carnall copulation, In
which if they can prevaile, and that the diſſlike continue be-
tweene you to that height, that a divorce be required equal-
lie by the conſent of you both, your Marriage then is fruſtra-
ted, and you ſtand
in ſtatu quo prius, dee heare. So your Coſen
Tridewell may lawfully purſue his hopes in your Bride, who
he loues as eagerlie as the melancholly virgine dotes on you.
Luc.But may this hold good in Law Captaine?
An.There’s a Canon for it Sir. if both parties agree to
a divorce after Marriage, ſo it be before Copulation.
Luc.Though the former part of his diſcourſe, was a
moſt egregious lye, yet the laſt hath ſome ſound of pleaſure
in it: which I may make vſe of.
Enter Tridewell.
Tri.Come gi’me the inſtrument. Shall I neuer find thee
any where, but thou wilt by iuſt deſert exact a beating from
me? Haſt thou no conſcience? wouldſt thou haue me lame
my ſelfe, or melt my greaſe vpon thee? Come Sir, I haue
ouer-heard you all; giue mee the Inſtrument, the inſtrument
I ſay. Indeede I’le haue it. So. Now Sir—
Luc.Nay Coſen, for the ſeruice hee hath done you to
night, and loue of mee, pardon him this time. Beſides, his
charge is in the houſe, at whoſe charge he liues. You will
both ſhame and vndoe him.
Tri.Well Sir, I ſhall for this time pardon you, and neuer
beat you more, if before Sir
Phillip here you will ſubſcribe to
this. ’Tis nothing but a faithfull proteſtation to do reaſonable
things as I ſhall appoint, and not to reueale what I ſhall truſt
An.If you will couenant on your part in defence of my
reputation, to let me rayle at you behinde your backe, I will
Tri.Take your pleaſure, I am content. Write Sir.
In what without a Knaue we cannot end,
A Knave imployd do’s th’office of a frend.
[F4]An
The Northern Laſſe.
An.Here Sir, I deliuer it as my deede.
Tri.Here, and I deliuer you this againe to keepe. Indeed
you ſhall for performance of couenants.
Ent. Widgine.
Wid.Oh Sir you are defeated. My ſiſter hath fortified
her lodging with locks, bolts, barres, and barricados.
Luc.To what end brother: for what cauſe?
An.I know not whither it be diſcontent or wilfulneſſe
that poſſeſſes her: but you are to haue no entrance there to
night. That ſhe has ſufficiently ſworne.
Luc.How! am I denied? To my wiſh.
Tri.Pray let me ſpeake with you Sir.
Luc.At large you ſhall. For though it bee my wedding
night, you ſhall be my Bedfellow. Lights there. Good night
Wid.How now Gouernour? what has angerd thee?
ſomething troubles thy countenance.
An.Your comming, and the priviledge of this place hath
once more preſeru’d that vnworthy
Tridewell from the jus-
tice of my fury, which ſhould haue fallen on him, had he bin
twind with me by this light.
Wid.By this light, Gouernour? would you haue fought by Candle-light?
An.Sir I dare do’t by day-light, Moone-light, Star-light.
An.Any light vnder the Sunne. And that ſhall bee tride
well on
Tridewels head, dee heare?
Wid.A good ieſt! Tride well vpon
Tridewell. He has
wit in his anger. But Gouernour, laying your anger aſide
let me be beholden to your wit in atchieuing this Northern
Laſſe. Thy acquaintance with her muſt be the meanes. Pri-
thee go lye with me, and helpe mee to dreame out ſome
courſe. Nay looke now thy furie blowes ſo high, thou doſt
An.Not heare? yea, were I in a Combat as great as
euer I my ſelfe fought any, I could both heare, and giue
counſell. Therefore ſay vnto your ſelfe, by the helpe of your
[F4v]Gouer-
The Northern Laſſe.
Gouernour ſhee is your owne.
Wid.Here, here. Thou ſhalt haue a ny thing—.
giues him Money.
Exeunt.
Act.III. Scene II.
Enter Squelch, Conſtance, Nonſenſe, Trainewell.
Squ.Come your wayes huſwife. No more of your why-
nings, and counterfet tricks. If this Gentleman be not worthy
of your loue, I am not worthy to be your Vncle, directly.
Tra.Alas, what meane you sir?
Squ.Accept of him, you accept of me. If you refuſe him,
Tra.Shee vnderſtands you not a word ſir.
Squ.If you will ioyne hands and faith with him, Here’s
your portion, theres your ioincture; if not, your way lies be-
Tra.Good sir, conſider her diſeaſe. If her vnderſtanding
were direct, you might ſpeake directly to her. But if I haue
any diſcretion ſhee is too full of melancholly to be purg’d this
Squ.What would you haue me doe? Or how in your diſ-
cretion would you councell me?
Tra.Not to be mad ſir, becauſe ſhee is melancholly, not by
taking a wrong courſe for her recouery to ruine her, and forfeit
your iudgement Doe you thinke, that commands with chidings,
threats, or ſtripes haue power to worke vpon her, when ſhee
has neither will nor reaſon vvithin her ſelfe to doe, or not to
doe any thing whatſoeuer.
Tra.If her health in ſenſe and vnderſtanding were perfect:
yet as ſhee is Woman, her will were firſt to be wrought vpon
by faire and gentle treaty. But as ſhee is at this time ſo ſicke in
mind, that knowledge of what ſhee is, what ſhee dos, eſpeci-
ally of what ſhee ſhould doe is dead in her, her Mind muſt bee
firſt recouer’d; and that by a due courſe, in ſoft and temperate
proceedings; to which fit time as well as meanes muſt bee al-
GSqu.
The Northern Laſſe.
Squ.Oh. No moreouers I beſeech you, nor more of her
at this time. I vnderſtand your purpoſe already. I doe directly.
Therefore ſpeedily take what courſe, and vſe what meanes ſhall
in your diſcretion be thought fit. I will ſubſcribe, I will direct-
ly ſubſcribe to your diſcretion. My wife when ſhee went out
of the world left me as great a curſe behind her in the charge
ſhe gaue me with this Woman, this quick-ſighted Guide of
my houſe, a blind one were better.
Tra.You ſhould firſt ſee, if it pleaſed you, how her affecti-
on may be wrought vpon by the Gentlemans owne faire in-
treaty. Pray sir ſpeake to her like a Suter, looke vpon him
Sweet heart: This Gentleman loues you. Pray ſpeake sir. Doe
Non.Neuer credit me pretty Gentlewoman—
Con.Nor will I, feare it not. Nor any man that ſayes hee
loues me. For alas I was too lately ſcorn’d.
Non.You are a Laſse indeed. I proteſt and vow, and ſuch a
one, as I would be very ſorry to appeare any way, or in the
leaſt degree, as it were pleaſe you to vnderſtand me: for Ile be
ſworne, there is not in the World.
Con.Truth in ſwearing, leſsse in promiſing.
Non.If you will beleeue me Lady.
Con.Nor ne man for your ſake.
Non.There is not in the world I ſay —
Con.I ſay ſo too sir, What was’t I pray.
Non.There is not in the world any Gentlewoman.—
Con.Tell that no further: for wee are all too gentle leſſen
Tra.Heare him ſpeake
Conſtance.
Con.You ſhall heare me ſing firſt by your leaue.
Squ.Here’s wiſe worke! direct Lunacy and Ideotiſme.
Bleſse my houſe from the Ward Maſters Informers,
Con.Pray ſir, are you ſir
Phillip?
Non.Yes Lady, I am ſir
Phillip,
Con.But you are none of my Sparrow. Your mouth’s not
wide enough for your words.
Tra.Shee has ſtop’d his mouth there.
[G1v]Con.
The Northern Laſſe.
Con.His words would ſoften Adamantine eares.
And lookes would melt a Marble heart to teares. O wea is me!
Tra.Nay you muſt not weepe Sweet-heart.
Con.What mun I do than? Shall I euer get him by ſinging
trou yee? Introth I would neuer but ſing, if I thought that
Tra.I had rather heare you ſing though, then ſee you weep.
Con.It muſt bee of my Loue than, my Sparrow as I told
A bonny bonny Bird I had,Song.
A bird that was my Marroe:
A bird whoſe paſtime made me glad,
And Phillip’twas my Sparrow.
A pretty Play-fere: Chirp it would,
And hop, and fly to fiſt,
Keep cut, as ’twere a Vſurers Gold,
Phillip, Phillip, Phillip it cryes,
But hee is fled and my Ioy dyes.
But were my Phillip comd againe,
I would not change my Loue
For Iuno’s bird with gawdy traine,
Nay, would my Phillip come againe,
I would not change my ſtate,
For his great Name ſakes wealth of Spaine,
No, no, you cannot be the Man. I know him right weell by
you ſir, as wily as you be. Gin you had all his trim geere vp-
on you, and all his ſweets about you, yet I ſhould not bee ſo
fond to miſtake a Ienny Howlet for a Taſſell Gentle. Ah, ah, ha.
Tra.Why Loue, what fault doe you find in this Gentle-
Con.Feath, but eene eane. That hee is not ſir
Phillip; For
thus would hee do. Thus would hee kiſſe his hand; and thus
ta’me by mine. Thus would hee looke, and ſet his eye on
mine: And giue mee leaue to ſee my ſelfe in’s eyen. ’Twas the
G 2beſt
The Northern Laſſe.
beſt Glaſſe introth that ere I ſaw.
I nere looke weell ſine. Nor
ere ſhall ime ſure, vntill
I ſee me there againe.
ſing.
But hee is geane, alas hee’s geane, and all too late I ſorow:
For I ſhall neuer bee well againe, till yeſterday be to morow.
God you good Euen ſir.—
Ex.
Squ.And put her to’t ſir, and out of this humor. Ile add
the tother fiue hundred to her portion, and you bring her about
handſomely. O when
I was a Batchelor!
I thinke
I can doe
ſomewhat yet in my old dayes. But when I was a Bachelor, how I could haue handled this geere.
Non.Neuer credit me ſir, if you will beleeue me, but —
Squ.I doe beleeue you ſir ſufficiently good Master
Nonſenſe,
No more of your impertinent ſpeeches. But follow her, and
put her to’t
I ſay, to’t directly. Take her into the Orchard;
’twas there ſhee fell in loue they ſay It may bee the place is
Tra.Sir, there will bee no way for her recouery, but to re-
moue her lodging and haue ſome good Phiſicians about her.
Squ.Where you pleaſe, and vſe vvhoſe helpe you pleaſe:
ſhee is your ovvne; diſpoſe of her freelie, as I vvill of what is
mine. Ile take a nevv courſe of life directly. Let me ſee. Shee
is loſt, paſt recouery. Say I ſhould marry. I might yet haue an
Tra.Yes, but of whoſe getting ſir?
Squ.There might riſe a fearefull queſtion.
Tra.Thinke not of it ſir. A man of your yeares, and gra-
uity, vvith the reſpect the World giues you for your place and
worſhip in the Common Wealth, together vvith the Riches
you haue pild up in a Mountainous eſtate; to caſt all dovvne vvith
your ſelfe, and fortune at the foot of a ſtranger! Thinke vvhat
vvould be thought of you, if ſuch a dotage ſhould poſſeſſe you.
Squ.Shee’s falling into a tedious Lecture.
Tra.Pray hovv was Master
Spartledirt talk’d on tother
day for doing ſuch a tricke? yet he vvas held a wiſe Lavvyer:
You ſee a faire example in the late Mariage of ſir
Phillip Luck-
lesse and his
Fitchow, a Match of your ovvne making, and
cauſe of your Neeces and your ovvne Misfortune.
Squ.No more
I beſeech you.
[G2v]Tra.
The Northern Laſſe.
Tra.There’s tugging for a Maſtery, and buffetting for the
breeches. He barks at her, ſhee ſnaps at him; ſhee breaks his
wine Glaſſe, hee her looking Glaſſe; ſhee puts away his Ser-
uants, hee turnes away hers; ſhee locks her Chamber dore, he
bolts his, begetting nothing but a World of ſtrife and diſorder.
Squ.I pray ſhut vp that point, I will not marry. No directly
I will not, though the truth is my purpoſe: was to haue caſt
my ſelfe and fortune whollie vpon you, if it might haue ſeem’d
well in your diſcretion, vmh vmh.
Tra.I pray ſtay a little ſir, take me along with you.
Squ.Not a ſtep further, this way by your leaue. I thinke I
have puſſeld her diſcretion.
Tra.Vnderſtand me ſir. As I would not haue you fall raſh-
ly vpon any thing; no more would I haue you flie ſodainly
from any purpoſe, without adviſe and ſober deliberation. If
you ſhould marry one that would be a Comfortable Nurſe vnto
you, as (though I ſay’t) you partly know—
Squ.Say you nothing, for I doe know nothing, nor I will
know nothing more of this matter directly: For if euer I
marry, let me ſuffer all that the Law prouides for Periury; let
me bee cropt and ſlitt worſe than a French Curtall, or a parlia-
mentall delinquent for blaſpheming the blood royall. No, I
will now beſtow my wealth in Monumentall good deedes, and
charitable vſes in my life time, to bee talkd well on when I am
Tra.Yes, build Almes houſes and Hoſpitals for beggars, and
prouide in
Bridewell, and houſes of Correction for your frends
and kindred. Pray giue enough to
Bedlem, you may feele ſome
part of that benefit your ſelfe before you die, if theſe fits hold
Squ.Shee would haue me doe no good with that I have nei-
ther. Let mee conſider. The moſt
I have to ſay directly hath
not beene very well gotten. Were it not a point of good Con-
ſcience, to ſpend that prodigally, and ſaue a lewd Heire the ſin?
And that which
I haue got well and honeſtly, hath beene with
much care and trauell; were it not then a point of equity to
my ſelfe, to ſpend that with eaſe and pleaſure? Tis done di-
rectly, what
I haue is mine owne; and
I will be merry with it.
[G3]Tra
The Northern Laſſe.
Tra.What’s the toy now?
Ent. Clearke.
Squ.Sirah. Take there twenty peeces. B ſtow it all pre-
ſently in choyceſt meates, and richeſt Wines for my Supper.
This one nights Supper directly. What I haue is mine owne:
and
I will be merry with it.
Squ.Six brace of Partriches, and fixe Pheaſants in a Diſh.
Godvvits, Knots, Quailes, and the reſt of the meats anſvve-
rable for halfe a ſcore, or a doſen perſons of the beſt quality:
vvhom I vvill thinke of preſently.
Cle.Braine of a dovvne right Iuſtice! VVhat meanes my
Maſter, to leape out of thirtie ſhillings a Weeke houſe kee-
ping into tvventie pounds a Supper?
I may ſell my Clearks
place: for ſure he meanes to thruſt himſelfe out of the Com-
miſſion. Hee can be no Iuſtice long if this humour hold: Who
ſhall be the Gueſts troe?
Squ.I haue it directly. You ſhall goe to the Ordinaries, and
from thence inuite ſuch young Gallants as you find to be Gam-
eſters. I meane of the higheſt cut.
Tra.Men that you doe not know ſir?
Squ.I directly. If they know me, or haue heard of me, tis
ſufficient: we ſhall be ſoone acquainted. Bring not a man with
anie paid for gold Laſe or Scarlet about him, I charge you, nor
without a Protection in his pocket.
Tra.You run a great hazard in this ſir. You may perhaps be
cheated of all you haue, if I haue any diſcretion.
Squ.And much good do’t their good hearts. What I haue
is mine owne, and I will bee merry with it directly. You haue
put me by one or two courſes: But not all your diſcretion ſhall
beat me out of this. If you take ſome care in the buſines, and
huſwife the intertainement to make it braue for my credit,
you may get a Gowne or a Iewlel by it. If not—
Tra.Sir ile obey you. If he bee mad I will not bee fooliſh,
but ſtrike in for a ſhare. And for your Gueſts ſir, let me alone,
My man is beſt acquainted at the Ordinaries.
Tra.Within there.
Beauis. But introth ſir, I doubt whither
any ſuch Gueſts will come, you haue alwayes beene ſo ſtrict
and terrible in your iuſtitiary courſes.
Ent. Beauis.
Squ.Let him ſay mine eyes are opened, and their vertue is re-
[G3v]vealed
The Northern Laſſe.
uealed vnto me. And if any of the youngſters haue Miſtreſſes;
let ’hem bring’hem. They ſhall haue Muſicke; what I haue is
mine owne, and I will be merry with it. My fleſh, though not
in the way of Mariage, requires ſome ſatisfaction too. Where
might a man in all this plentifull Towne, find a choyce peece
directly that he might make his owne? only his owne? A very
hard queſtion. And cuſtome has made it almoſt an vnreaſona-
ble one, though it were in ones owne Wife. In a Cittizens or
Tradeſman’s Wife; a Man muſt ſuffer the Riuall-ſhip of a ſlo-
uenly huſband: the ſtinke of his hornes euer under ones noſe.
A caſt Lady, or Gentlewoman of courtly acquaintance, to
maintaine her, is to feed a Fountaine, that waſts it ſelfe through
many Spowts: what I ſupply her with, will be drawne out by
twenty. All her friends muſt ſhare of my prodigality. To
traine vp an innocent countrey Girle, is like hatching a Cuc-
koe; as ſoone as ſhee is ripe, and ſees the world afore her, ſhee
flies at her aduantage, and leaues mee dead i’the neaſt. How
Cle.Sir, here’s a Delinquent brought before your Worſhip
to be examined, a Gentlewoman ſir.
Cle.Vexhem the Conſtable ſir.
Squ.Looke on his feet. Sure tis the Diuell in his likeneſſe:
That old Bawd knowing how it ſtood with me, has brought
me one of his
ſuccubae Art. Sure tis
Vexhem?
Cle.Sure ſir? The diuell himſelfe knowes him not better
than I know him from the Diuell. I am ſure, hee has beene in
fee with me theſe nine yeares: almoſt euer ſince hee was Con-
ſtable; and has brought more profit to my deſke then all the
honeſt Officers in the counties of your Commiſſion ſir. Oh
hee’s a rare fellow, hee’ll tickle a Whore in Coany.
Squ.You know my mind. I will in and handle this geere in
priuity.
Ent. Nonſ. Conſt.
Tra.Beauis, You vnderſtand me. Prithee goe diſcreetly
Bea.Pray let me ſee a little of this firſt.
Non.If I put her to’t or euer offer to put any Woman to’t
againe, neuer credit me: let me neuer be truſted, I proteſt and
vow Gentlewoman ſhee has vs’d me —
[G4]Tra.
The Northern Laſſe.
Tra.Very ill fauouredly me thinkes.
Bea.Ha’ you put her to’t ſir.
Non.I cannot put her to’t, nor ſhe will not be put to’t.
Sing.
Con.I wo’ not goe to’t, nor I mun not goe to’t,
For loue, nor yet for fee:
For I am a Mayd, and will be a Mayd,
And a good one till I dye.
Yet mine intent, I could repent, for ane mans company.
But you are not he Sir. If you be, you are wondrouſly chang’d.
I am ſure his faults were not written on his forehead. God
Non.If mine bee, you can beſt read ’hem, t’is your owne
Bea.Shee has done a cure on him. Hee ſpoke ſenſe now.
Alas Sir, that a faire hand ſhould make ſuch blots ! what hand is
it? Secretary, Romane, Court, or Text? I haue not ſeene the
like: ’tis all dominicall letters, red Inke. His face is like an
Almanack of all Holydayes.
Tra.Sure ’tis Stenography, every Character a word; and
here and there one for a whole ſentence.
Bea.Here’s one might ſerve for a whole Hiſtory. The life
and death o’
Raw-head, and
Bloody bones.
Non.I ſee I am not ſuch an Aſſe, I would I might neuer
ſtir but I am — Where’s Sir
Paul? If I doe not tell him—
Tra.What did you to provoke her thus?
Non.Nothing but what I can anſwere in a ſort dee ſee me as
well as— neuer gi’me credit I had warrant vnder his hand.
Non.By word of mouth ſir.
Bea.That’s aboue hand by your leaue.
Tra.Is it ſo? Good Sir, his meaning was, you ſhould put
her fairely on like a Louer, with ſweet ſpeeches, and gentle be-
Non.Shee vnderſtands nothing that I can ſpeake.
Bea.Nor any body elſe I thinke.
Tra.And therefore you fell to expreſſe yourſelfe in rude
action. Shee has ſeru’d you but well: you are a fine putter to’t
Con.Mun toot Mun toot, Mantara ra ra Muntara ra ra ra ree,
[G4v]And
The Northern Laſſe.
And euer I ſigh and cry alack for Phillips loue I die
Iuſt ſo did our Deyry Maid at home ſerue my Lady
Fidle-
dees Butler. And there I learnt it. But when ſhee had ſo done
what did ſhee then doe? Beſtow’d a penyworth of
Vnguentum
Album, and it made him whole preſently. Good Mrs.
Trayn-
well ſend to your Pothecary for ſome: ’twill make him weell
Tra.I ſweet-heart: but firſt you ſhall goe in the Coach
Con.I know I am not weell too. But Ile ha’ no Doctor but Sir
Phil-
Tra.It ſhall be Sir
Phillip (poore ſoule) all muſt be Sir
Phil-
lip. You ſhall lye at his houſe.
Con.But not with him by my faith, and your leaue, in’t wee
Prithee
Beauis gar him waſh his face, hee’ll ſcare ſome bodies
Barnes elſe. —
Ex. with Tra.
Bea.Ile throw him into the Dock rather then he ſhall ſuc-
ceede
Jack O’Dandy. Come ſir, all ſhal be wel again. Feare not.
Act. III. Sce. III.
Enter Luckleſſe and Tridewell.
Luc.Cosenn, I vnderſtand you at full; and am glad that oc-
caſion hath pointed out a probability to lead me out of this la
-birinth, and you to your deſired end.
Tri.Follow but the way you are in ſir, and you ſhall arriue
Luc.ſhee has put me into’t her ſelfe too.
Tri.By ſequeſtring her ſelfe from you the firſt night.
Luc.For which Cosen, if I take not occaſion to keepe my
ſelfe from her, all nights, dayes, and times hereafter, may the
act of our bodies beget prodigious monſters, and nothing elſe.
Tri.A fearfull vow! looke too’t. And I warrant ſhee ſues
Luc.May wee proue but as certaine as you are confident in
our other proiect, for recalling
Conſtance to her ſelfe, and mee
Hthen
The Northern Laſſe.
then to her, theſe fetters being ſhaken off, may they proue gol-
den ones to you, I ſhall not envie you.
Tri.For her take no thought ſir. The intereſt I haue in her
Turreſs, with the work I have faſhion’d upon my Anvile, ſhall
bring all to your wiſh. I expect to heare from him inſtantly.
Luc.Ile freely reſigne your wiſh to you, and adde halfe I
haue to augment her eſtate to you. Oh I tremble to thinke on
her; her preſence ſhakes the houſe like an earthquake; the out-
rage of Prentizes is not ſo terrible to a Bawd or a Cutpurſe, as
her voyce is to me. Yet to you ſhee may be calme as the breath
of friendſhip, and milde as the midnight whiſpers of chaſt
Tri.Sir, I profeſse my affection flies eagerlie at her; ſhee
takes me deepely, how euer you have miſtaken one another.
Oh here comes my
Anvile! Mee thinkes his verie countenance
invites me to ſtrike him, though I know hee does me good ſer-
An.’Tis done ſir, I warrant ſhee’s plac’d, ſucceſsfully, dee
An.I haue ſent her before his Worſhip by a Conſtable.
Luc.Who has he ſent? before whoſe Worſhip?
Tri.You ſhall know all. He has ſent your caſt whore before
Luc.The Miſtery, Gentlemen?
Tri.The ſucceſſe ſhall vnfold it in good time to your and my
benefit? doubt not, if ſhe but follow her inſtructions.
Luc.Nay, if ſhee be not Miſtriſſs of her Art, there is no de-
ceit among Tradeſmen, no briberie among Officers, no bank-
rupt out of Ludgate, nor Whore out of Bridewell.
An.And if I ha’ not fitted her with a Second, my friend
Vex-
ham, the Conſtable, then ſay there is no wit among Knaves,
no want among Schollers, no reſt in the graue, nor vnquietneſſe
Luc.Of which here comes the trueſt teſtimony.
Enter Fitchow, Pate, Widgine, Howdee.
Fit.Out of my doores thou Miſcreant,
Wid.Nay ſiſter. O governour, art here.
Fit.Avoyd my houſe, and that preſently, Ile claw your ſkin
[H1v]off
The Northern Laſſe.
off after your Liuory elſe, and make you ſo much nakeder then
time makes all other ſeruing Creatures.
Luc.Doe you talke of turning away my Man? You ſhall
giue me leaue to turne away your
Howdee firſt, and then put
of my, God a mercy, how doſt thou.
Fit.Am I ieerd? flowted to my face? Is this fit vſage for
Fit.A Huſband? a Hangman.
Tri.Nay ſir, indeed the fault is yours moſt extreamly
now. Pray ſir forbeare to ſtraine beyond a Womans patience.
Fit.Am I ſcornd and reuild?
Fit.Made a property for laughter?
Fit.Haue I no friend, no Seruant to command?
Fit.Has my Ladiſhip made me ſo lamentable a thing, that I
haue loſt the power of a Miſtris? You ſir, run and call ſome
friends to ſuccour me, or Ile thratle you.
Luc.ſtirre but a foot ſirrah, or vtter but a ſillable, and ile cut
Ho.I ſhall be caru’d out betwixt them.
Fit.What w ill become of me? you VVoodcock, Nini-
Wid.Haue you forgot my name ſiſter? would not
Widgine
become your mouth, as wel? forget your natural brothers name?
Fit.Can you call me ſiſter, and ſee me abus’d thus?
Wid.Foutre for ſiſters; I am not to meddle with an other
mans Wife. I am about one for my ſelfe. You mention’d her
firſt to me. But I muſt be beholden to others wits and meanes
to compaſſe her; or elſe —
Luc.Doe as I bid you, or —
Ho.O ſir ſhee’ll rend me in peeces, teare me like a Larke.
Luc.Doſt thou feare her or me. Do’t or I—
Ho.Sir, there’s Master.
Walter can ſing it rarely.
Luc.So he ſhall ſir, and ſo will all; but you muſt put vs in.
H 2How.
The Northern Laſſe.
Wid.Siſter, Wife, and all, is a preſent nothing to this.
Come round Gentlemen. Keepe her but off, and let me alone.
They all take hands, and dance round. Widgine in the midſt
ſings this ſong. They all bear the burden, while ſhe ſcolds and
ſtrives to be amongſt ’hem. Tridewell holds her off.
Wid.Hee that marries a Scold, a Scold.Song.
Hee has moſt cauſe to be merry,
For when ſhee’s in her fits, he may cheriſh his wits,
By ſinging down hey downe derry.
All.—Hey downe downe derry downe downe downe, &c.
Ent. Bulfinch.
Bul.I cry you mercy Gallants. I apprehend you would be
Luc.O no Mr.
Bulfinch, you ſhall make one of our
Bul.I apprehend Gentlemen you are merrily diſpos’d, in
Wid.Apprehend a fooles head. Come into play.
All.I, I in with him, and about againe.
They pull him into the Round.
Wid.He that marries a merry Laſſe,
He has moſt cauſe to be ſad:
For let her goe free in her merry tricks, ſhee
Will work his Patience mad.
But he that marries a Scold, a Scold, &c.
He that weds with a Roaring Girle,
That will both ſcratch and bite;
Though he ſtudy all day to make her away,
Will be glad to pleaſe her at night.
And he that copes with a ſullen Wench,
That ſcarce will ſpeake at all,
Her doggedneſſe more than a Scold or a Whore,
Will perpetrate his Gall.
He that’s match’d with a Turtle Doue,
[H2v]That
The Northern Laſſe.
That has no ſpleene about her,
ſhall waſt ſo much life in the loue of his wife,
He were better be without her.
But hee that marries a Scold, a Scold, &c.
Fit.O ſcorne vpon ſcorne, torment upon torment. Let me
rather be buried aliue, than beare this.
ſhee gets looſe.
Slaues, Raſcals, get yee all out of my doores. By vertue of my
nayles, I charge yee. Ile not leaue an Eye or a Noſe amongſt
How. Wid. Bull. Anv.O Lord, O Lord.
Luc.Come bouncing after my boyes.
Ex. ſinging.
Fit.O how am I wrong’d.
Ex. Omnes, proeter Fit. Tri. Bul.
Bul.Sure I did apprehend this mirth, as right as could bee
Tri.Madam, I ſee too much of your vexation, and in-
deed I ſuffer too much with you. As I am a Gentleman I will
give you right friendly Councell, if you will heare me.
Fit.ſir I have perceiu’d humanity in you and doe loue it in
you. But I know not what to do, nor whom to heare. I am
fallen into the pit of Bondage, and will take any courſe for my
Redemption. Oh Master
Bulfinch.
Tri.This will make to my purpoſe.
Fit.ſir I am wrong’d beyond expreſſion: This Gentleman
is an eye witnes of my ſuffrings. Pray come in Sir. I will heare
your counſell, together with this Gentlemans aduiſe.
Bul.Madam, your caſe is in my apprehenſion, moſt
deſperate, yet full of comfort, in regard you ſeeke adviſe and
counſell. Mine is euer ready, and more fortunate oftentimes
than judicious. For I doe nothing but vpon good reaſon and
The end of the third Act.
